Back in 2003, when this song was originally written, it was considered “okay” and “funny” to dox and harass trans people. And if it happened to someone, clearly it was their fault for being trans and not being 100% perfect at keeping their private information private.

Ask me how I know.

In the midst of getting dozens of harassing phone calls, random evangelists being sent to my door hearing I’d “found Jesus,” and being added to dozens of religious mailing lists, I was, as you might expect, pretty tired and grumpy.

And the people around me thought it was just a joke, or my fault for being trans. What could I expect from society, because of this “choice” I “made?”

And meanwhile, being largely in the closet in person, I couldn’t even share that this was going on with most people around me. They could see that I was stressed, but as usual, leaned hard on toxic positivity nonsense, telling me that I needed to cheer up and that things weren’t so bad.

Sometimes you just need to wallow and hide, and sometimes it’s okay to tell people to fuck right off, especially when they refuse to get it.

The original version of this song was a lot angrier, and also only had three chords. It was one of the first songs to be selected for remixing on Remix Fight (a long-gone side project from a bunch of Song Fight! people), and I was fortunate enough to have the song be remixed by Victor “fourstones” Stone, who would later go on to found ccMixter. I had actually forgotten all about that until a few days before I started on this track (and had no idea how I was going to handle this song) and his remix came up in my playlist, and one of the changes he made to the chord progression gave me the inspiration I needed to complete my new arrangement.

So, thank you, Victor, wherever you are.

Lyrics: Sunny Again

Oh, it’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase the clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want the rain to wash my tears away

Don’t want you coming here, try to change my mind You don’t know just how I feel, I feel I’m feeling fine You don’t know what it’s like, living in my brain It’s not the things you think that keep me in this pain

Today is just another sunny day Why don’t you go and chase some fucking clouds away I don’t want to come outside and play today I just want the rain to wash my tears away

I’m being eaten at, attacked from every side They smack me down, want me to drown, and take me for a ride You want to make me think it isn’t them it’s me It will not work, don’t be a jerk, I know how it should be

Oh it’s just another sunny day I wish the clouds could come and stay, for that I pray Please just leave me alone and go away Don’t want to see you now, just leave me alone today

I know it seems I’m on the edge of something bad You scream and shout that I’m “flipping out,” you’re just making me mad I’m the one who’s fine, it’s everyone else who’s insane But people suck, I’m out of luck, I just can’t play the game

Oh, it’s just another sunny day Please let me be, don’t bother me today (please bother me) I’m sick of you trying to chase my clouds away (chase my clouds away) I just want you to go the fuck away

It’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase my clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want you to stay

Lyrics: Alright Alright [Song Fight!, 2001]

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright

Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is just another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady though Alright, alright

I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not f…eeling so steady Alright, alright

Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I— I get your point already Alright, alright

Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking I am hanging up Your cheerfulness isn’t making me feel anymore Alright, alright

Don’t you even try To think that I Just need to have it pointed out that It’ll be alright

Metaphorically I I just wanna die Or at least have the world go away until I am alright

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright

I- I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright

Originally for Circle of Titles, 2020

One of the other Song Fight! traditions is Circle of Titles, where we provide titles for each other to write songs for in a one-on-one way. In 2020 I got this lovely title from T.C. Elliott (known better as Pigfarmer Jr. on Song Fight!) and decided to write a song that was inspired by another friend’s manic episode from their untreated bipolar disorder.

I haven’t spoken to them in a while, and I hope they’re doing okay.

(The bipolar friend, I mean. T.C.’s doing fine.)

Lyrics: Wait Right Here

Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to tell you Wait Wait right here It is a thing I think you know too well Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to show you Wait It’s oh so clear I can’t hear the ringing of the bell

Wait Wait right here There’s something I’ve only realized now Wait It’s so clear I think we all need our own real space, oh Wait Wait right here I’m trying to find a proper way, how Wait It’s so dear The world can be a big beautiful place

I can’t hear the image that you’re saying I can’t hear, I wish I knew you well I can’t hear the image that you’re singing to me I can’t hear, I know you wish me well

Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to show you Wait Wait right here It’s time for me to have my show and tell, oh Wait Wait right here Remember the thing that I tried to tell you Wait Wait right here Of all the people I’m wishing you well, so Wait

Originally for Song Fight!, 2024

Song Fight! has been running for a long time; it started in 2000, making it an extremely old website by today’s standards, and it’s probably one of the first and is almost certainly now the longest-running songwriting communities on the Internet.

In 2024, the 1000th title was posted, “A Grand Parade,” and for this we all decided to dig up as many past participants as possible to try to get to 100 songs. We succeeded at this!

At one point I was entering under an alter-ego, <3, a vessel through which I was trying to express some gender-related stuff, and she was pretty popular. So for A Grand Parade I opted to bring her back for another song.

Lyrics: A Grand Parade

I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see It’s going to overwhelm and how You will not be very happy

The giant duck is gonna quack And the dogs are gonna bark in back And the Marshall of the big parade Doesn’t care if you feel safe

And the TV man is gonna say It is such a lovely sunny day And I know you want to go out and play But I want you to say inside

I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see Why not stay inside and meow? I just want you to be happy

The clowns will juggle and the bands will play And the noise will scare you far away So let’s stay cozy all the day Inside where we are safe

I do not think you will want to be Outside out there away from me So let’s just drink a cup of tea In the morning we will play

I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see I am feeling overwhelmed and I just want to be happy

The composite soundtrack for Magnolia’s Early Morning Walk, a short game done for a game jam.

The different sections of this piece are the short looping motifs for the various scenes in the intended game, with different emotional variations on two overall themes that represent the protagonist’s state of mind.

Game: Magnolia’s Early Morning Walk

This song was written for Song Fight! Live 2020, and I don’t think people got the joke that it was a song about how 2020 was going to have been so much better than 2019 was.

(For those reading this from the distant future: It very much wasn’t.)

Lyrics: Better Luck Next Year

This year had its challenges All my flowers dead, my pain got worse, my brain got worse, there’s something wrong with my head

What happened to my career, it didn’t go my way Things feel bad, and I’m in fear I won’t live another day

oh, it can only get better oh, I know it will get better

we see the rise of fascists who think many lives don’t matter a president who’s on the brink, only cares to be flattered

where can our people go from here it all just seems too much famine devastation fear we need a human touch

oh, it can only get better oh, I know it will get better

but it wasn’t all so bad some of it was swell remember all the good times we had Song Fight! Live went well

We take the hand we have been dealt this year’s problems were a-plenty 2019 really smelt, so here’s to 2020

oh, it can only get better oh, I know it will get better oh, it can only get better oh, I know it will get better

Video: Better Luck Next Year

This song was originally written for Song Fight!, as part of the “Live Fight” challenge for Song Fight! Live 2021.

On the blog I have written up a detailed explanation of the lyrics and video.

Lyrics: Behind a Mask

Feeling lost in an elephant’s dream Caught up in the digital stream Cave of shadows, can’t say what I mean A million miles far from home

Best foot forward, take a step back Play defense while on the attack Sowing discord, can’t cut them no slack Everybody so alone

If everyone could see Themselves through some other eyes Innocent, caught up in the machinery An algorithmic disguise

Making everything great again Forget about your family and friends Looking for a means to an end Just don’t want to be alone

Fragile gem, split in two Internal dialogue of them vs. you Find acceptance with nothing to do The voices there are all your own

If everyone could see Themselves through some other eyes Innocent, caught up in the machinery An algorithmic disguise

A deeper body ache, and make a bad mistake A million jumping on Sharing a bad take, Nobody can quite shake The feeling that you’re gone

Feeling lost in an elephant’s dream Getting washed away by the digital stream If it feels better to share another meme Doesn’t make you less alone

If everyone could see Themselves through some other eyes Innocent, caught up in the machinery An algorithmic disguise

If everyone could see Themselves through some other eyes Innocent, caught up in the machinery An algorithmic disguise

Video: Behind A Mask

A song about getting away from yourself for a bit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OavIAgVHi-A

Lyrics: Change Is Coming

You don’t go places that you used to You don’t enjoy the stories that you’re used to You can’t stand anyone you’re introduced to Sitting home alone is what you’ve been reduced to

Something happened long ago inside you Now it’s back, your life won’t be the same All of the signposts that used to guide you Got pulled up by something, don’t know when it came

But change is coming It’s funny and it’s faint Yes change is coming With noses thumbing Oh, change it is coming The running refrain So humming and strange Our upcoming change

Your friends they act like they don’t recognize you And all these parts they say now that comprise you They preferred the skin that once disguised you So hard to shake the thought, that they all now despise you

But change is coming It’s funny and it’s faint Yes, change is coming With noses thumbing, oh Change it is coming The running refrain So humming and strange Our upcoming change

The you that you are now’s the only you you are You can’t go back to who you once were before Got no choice, you gotta be true to who you are Genie won’t go back inside that bottle any more

Yes change, change is coming It’s funny and still faint More change, change is coming So I’m succumbing to What you’re becoming like an Oncoming train It’s humming and strange This upcoming change

Video: Change Is Coming

The dark days were getting to me.
The depression was getting to me.
On Black Friday weekend I upgraded to KOMPLETE 11 and decided to play around with some of its presets.
This came out.

At this point I was just completely falling apart, due to basically going through menopause and feeling worthless, useless, and futureless.

I had been without hormones for a week and a half and my emotions were all over the place. Everything would set me off and I would cry and I was not in a good spot. So I wrote this thing to capture my feelings.

I didn’t know this song was about having undiagnosed ADHD when I wrote it, because it was not yet diagnosed.

I’ve been told this one’s super relatable, on that note.

Lyrics: Adding Up To Nothing

Your head is in the cloud You don’t know who you are Try to do everything you can Spread yourself too far

Everything that you want to know How to come undone Boiling over, time to kill In the frozen sun

Everything that we used to know Has a zero sum Ice cubes in the goldfish bowl Where we’ve come undone

Nerves of tissue, lung of steel Sleep until we’re dead Warm the soul with antifreeze A frozen mind instead

Official music video at https://youtu.be/ybxZcpc_0EA

Lyrics: Strangers

In my house In my house What is this person that I do not think I know Doing in my house

In my house In my house He must have snuck in through the bedroom door Living like a mouse

He says he is my husband I’ve never seen him before He knows everything about me I’ll have to show him the door

Not my spouse He’s not my spouse I think I would remember having brought him Into my house

It’s my house He’s in my house Why is this person laughing right at me Sitting in my house

So many pictures of us together The room is starting to blur He says he’s beginning to worry about me But I just can’t be sure I can’t be sure

In my house In my house What is this person that I do not know Doing in my house

Video: Strangers

Lyrics: Traveling Band

You started out thinking you were headin’ for a revolution You got some friends together but it really got out of hand

Now you’re spending your nights singing songs in an institution And that’s what it’s like when you’re livin’ in a traveling band

Lyrics: Ruthless Lately

I’m sorry if I bothered you I don’t know what I’m gonna do I have to find myself a place to think

I know what I did was wrong I hoped that you would play along, At least that’s what I’m told by my new shrink

I should make it up to you, So let me know what I can do, It would help make me feel so tickled pink

Please don’t simply turn me down Rejection’s gonna make me frown I think that you should know I’m on the brink

I’m feeling dizzy, it happened again What do you think I should do This person out there, I don’t think it’s me All that I know, I need you

I’m sorry ‘bout your other friend, Reliable until the end; This has been something of a trend I see

And what about the other one, Who thought that it would be so fun To gas himself, it was so Bourgeoisie

It’s simply very puzzling, Why no one can go on living, When they meet you, it’s dizzying to see

I’m sorry ‘bout the cyanide And the assisted suicide Oh look, another one has died

Not me!

I’m feeling dizzy, it happened again What do you think I should do That person out there is really not me I know that I know, I need you

I’m sorry but I have to run, It’s been nice, a lot of fun If someone asks, I wasn’t Here

I’m going out of town, I hope nobody drowns, I won’t be ‘round but I’ll Be near

I’m feeling dizzy, it happened again What do you think I should do That person out there I hope is not me All that I know, I need you All that I know, I need you All that I wanted is you

Lyrics: Safety In Numbers

See the little ants walking down the path They don’t know how to do anything they’re bad at math But a little tiny queen can make some more One and one make two, two and two make four

And then what happens next is the worlds collide When a little tiny ant finds the world inside And the little worker ants can all pass the test They all work together to bring everything back to the nest

And when someone finds out it doesn’t matter The little tiny ants have made their queen get fatter So she can lay her eggs all day So it doesn’t matter when the people get the spray

There are so many ants that they cannot die For every ant that’s in the house there’s two outside All that we can do is let them be Learn to love each other for the world to see

I feel safe without you I feel safe when I’m with you I feel safe when I’m near you But I don’t think that I need you

You know what it is like when you are alone Walking in the dark trying to get home Every little thing that can make a sound Scares you half to death and you look around

You cannot help but fear for your life What if somebody is there who has a knife But you know that in your heart you will be okay And that everything will let you live another day

When you get inside you look around Thousands of little black dots are on the ground They go on with life without a care Eating all the food that they find lying there

It is no matter what you do or say Nothing will make the ants ever go away The lesson that we learn is when the day is done The little tiny ants are the ones who have won

I feel safe without you I feel safe when I’m with you I feel safe when I’m near you But I don’t think that I need you

Lyrics: Sometimes It’s Hard to Keep Yourself Moving

Wake up in the morning Before the alarm goes Trying to fall back to sleep Still in last night’s clothes Lying half awake, I still can’t get up when the beeping starts Why would I

Sleepwalk through the morning On the way to work That guy on the bicycle is Such a stupid jerk I think I should push him over Just to show him up But why would I

Sometimes it is very hard to keep yourself moving when it’s gone haywire

Monday morning meeting Going way too long Finished up my coffee but the coffee isn’t strong I feel like I need to sleep I need to keep moving but why would I

Tuesday PM meeting Life is way too short Everything I try to say cut off with a retort Why does this guy work here, he’s a jerk, here, I should shut him up why would I

Sometimes it is very hard to keep yourself moving when it’s all haywire

Oh, listen to me Think about the damage done How hard can it be Just to have a little fun

Wednesday morning dreary I get nothing done Thursday comes and Friday goes Still get nothing done I should reconsider my Career choice, find a new voice but Why would I

Sometimes it is very hard to keep yourself moving when it’s gone haywire

Lyrics: Convalescence

Wrapped up in a padded room Feels like I am in a tomb It reminds me of my mother’s womb And it leaves me time for thinking

Been this way since sometime in June Someone caught me howling at the moon Hoping that I can get out soon But this ship just might be sinking

Oh, I could use a little convalescence Oh, I need some convalescence

Shotgun shot in the dead of night Can’t sleep cuz the dark is way too bright See myself heading right for the light I guess I have been drinking

No idea how long I’ve been here Something ‘bout this place a little queer My mind is missing one more gear Little lightbulb blinking

Oh, I could use a little convalescence Oh, I need some convalescence

Oh, i could use a little convalescence Oh, how I need some convalescence

Wrapped up in a padded room Feels like I am in a tomb It reminds me of my mother’s womb And it leaves me time for thinking

Lyrics: I Think It’s Killing Me

There’s something in my eye But I feel like I could fly A bright light came to me in a dream Skies of pink, clouds tangerine

Everything I do or see or think Depends upon the stuff I drink

I think that it is killing me Everytime I take a sip of tea The stuff of dreams it fills in the seams Bright shiny lights inside my dreams

I cannot think without a drink or three But I feel it surrounding me

I could quit but that will not do Another dose for me and you

Lyrics: Don’t Think

I don’t think You know how to be good to me I don’t think You have time to be reminding I don’t think Anything you do is good enough And I think The time for us is wrong

I don’t think That I should listen to you anymore Everything You say to me always makes me snore Everyone Says I should not so quickly doubt you What I think It doesn’t matter now

I don’t think You will be here for me I don’t think You even know how You and me Were never meant to be together I don’t think The time for us is now

I don’t think You should be watching so much TV It’s a thing You do too much and always every Thing I see Is nothing that can be too good for you I don’t think You remember what’s right

I don’t think You know how to be good to me I don’t think You have time to be reminding I don’t think Anything you do is good enough And I think The time for us is wrong