These are some of my oldest songs, all but one of them written back when I first started writing songs with lyrics. They have been completely reimagined and rearranged as a celebration of where I started and of how far I’ve come.
These songs serve as a sort of soundtrack to my life, especially in those days of the early 2000s, when I was struggling with gender and my mental health, and trying to figure out what I even wanted to be when I grew up (in more ways than one). They’ve been sitting on a shelf, fermenting for decades, and they are songs that I am finally ready to share with the world.
They tell a story of aspiration and heartbreak, of being trapped by my circumstances and escaping, and ultimately finding my own path forward.
These songs are super personal and personally-meaningful, and I am glad that they are finally out there in the world.
Thank you for joining me on this journey.
I wrote this song in response to a well-meaning but clueless friend who saw I was suffering and would tell me I should “just cheer up.”
“Just cheer up” won’t make me less depressed.
“Just cheer up” won’t solve my anxiety.
“Just cheer up” won’t fix my chronic pain.
“Just cheer up” won’t take away my stressors.
“Just cheer up” won’t stop the world from hating me just for being me.
Fuck toxic positivity.
Anyway I think it was pretty bold of me to rhyme “up” with “up.” Those are the kinds of innovative lyrical ideas that normally only come with decades of experience.
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright?
Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady, though, Alright, alright?
I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright?
Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I get your point already Alright, alright?
Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking, I am hanging up Your cheer isn’t helping me feel any more All right, alright?
I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright?
Don’t you even try To think that I Just need to have it pointed out that It’ll be alright
Metaphorically I I just wanna die Or at least have the world go away Until I am alright
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright!
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright
Back in 2003, when this song was originally written, it was considered “okay” and “funny” to dox and harass trans people. And if it happened to someone, clearly it was their fault for being trans and not being 100% perfect at keeping their private information private.
Ask me how I know.
In the midst of getting dozens of harassing phone calls, random evangelists being sent to my door hearing I’d “found Jesus,” and being added to dozens of religious mailing lists, I was, as you might expect, pretty tired and grumpy.
And the people around me thought it was just a joke, or my fault for being trans. What could I expect from society, because of this “choice” I “made?”
And meanwhile, being largely in the closet in person, I couldn’t even share that this was going on with most people around me. They could see that I was stressed, but as usual, leaned hard on toxic positivity nonsense, telling me that I needed to cheer up and that things weren’t so bad.
Sometimes you just need to wallow and hide, and sometimes it’s okay to tell people to fuck right off, especially when they refuse to get it.
The original version of this song was a lot angrier, and also only had three chords. It was one of the first songs to be selected for remixing on Remix Fight (a long-gone side project from a bunch of Song Fight! people), and I was fortunate enough to have the song be remixed by Victor “fourstones” Stone, who would later go on to found ccMixter. I had actually forgotten all about that until a few days before I started on this track (and had no idea how I was going to handle this song) and his remix came up in my playlist, and one of the changes he made to the chord progression gave me the inspiration I needed to complete my new arrangement.
So, thank you, Victor, wherever you are.
Oh, it’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase the clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want the rain to wash my tears away
Don’t want you coming here, try to change my mind You don’t know just how I feel, I feel I’m feeling fine You don’t know what it’s like, living in my brain It’s not the things you think that keep me in this pain
Today is just another sunny day Why don’t you go and chase some fucking clouds away I don’t want to come outside and play today I just want the rain to wash my tears away
I’m being eaten at, attacked from every side They smack me down, want me to drown, and take me for a ride You want to make me think it isn’t them it’s me It will not work, don’t be a jerk, I know how it should be
Oh it’s just another sunny day I wish the clouds could come and stay, for that I pray Please just leave me alone and go away Don’t want to see you now, just leave me alone today
I know it seems I’m on the edge of something bad You scream and shout that I’m “flipping out,” you’re just making me mad I’m the one who’s fine, it’s everyone else who’s insane But people suck, I’m out of luck, I just can’t play the game
Oh, it’s just another sunny day Please let me be, don’t bother me today (please bother me) I’m sick of you trying to chase my clouds away (chase my clouds away) I just want you to go the fuck away
It’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase my clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want you to stay
When Song Fight! posted the title “Repair My Heart,” I had just bought a CD-R of “royalty-free” loops (of extremely dubious origin) which came with a whole bunch of interesting beats and instrument one-shots. In particular there was a fun jungle beat which sounded like an off-kilter heartbeat to me.
So, I made a lo-fi jungle-ish track for my second Song Fight! entry.
There’s a long-running debate within Song Fight! about the legitimacy of instrumental tracks; one of the prevailing beliefs is that there’s nothing that ties an instrumental to the title, and what stops someone from entering an instrumental song for any given title, and then later entering it again for another title?
So I am quite pleased that Frankie Big Face, who was at one time one of the staunchest advocates of that above line of thinking, held up my Repair My Heart as a rare exception to that, an instrumental which could only work with that title.
Anyway, here it is as a jazz ensemble.
On the (sadly long-gone) original Song Fight! forum thread for this song, someone mentioned “Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown),” which was one of my favorite Beatles songs at the time, so of course I had to put a couple of references to it in the lyrics.
While this song is vaguely inspired by something my mom once said about a childhood pet bird, as well as some of the continuing aftermath of the messy breakup that inspired a few of my early Song Fight! songs, it is basically complete fiction. (And for what it’s worth, that ex and I have long since reconciled and are friends again.)
The evolution of this song is pretty typical: It started out as lo-fi jazz, then it became punk rock, and now it’s a baroque-esque string quartet. Y'know, a totally normal trajectory that all music follows.
I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so
She always said that it would be, “If you love someone you set them free” And I know that I would love it so And I would open the window
It’s always sad when one’s not good Being in a cage made of Norwegian wood I’d hope that someone would love me so Much as to open my window
I once had a man, or should I say He once had me for a single day I thought that he had loved me so But he would not open my window
I flew away in a single day He chased me but I ran away Back to a place where I could be Myself and by myself be free
I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so
I was going through some shit.
I’m better now.
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you I will always try To live to see you die You know always that I I will always try I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than You don’t know what I’m going through You can’t see from my point of view You will be on my mind You won’t be hard to find
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you I will always try To live to see you die You know always that I I will always try I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than You don’t know what I’m going through You can’t see from my point of view You will be on my mind You won’t be hard to find
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried
I am stronger than you
I am stronger than you
If The Supper Club was a love letter to Song Fight!, this one’s a Dear John.
In 2024, Song Fight! Live finally came back as an in-person event, after several years away due to the COVID-19 pandemic. When I arrived in Denver, though, I felt like I was only there out of obligation, and over the course of the next few days I felt like maybe I was done with Song Fight! for so many reasons. The community was a great way for me to get started as a songwriter, but it was starting to feel like I needed to pull back a bit and not be so emotionally-invested in it.
Over the next few days I had several good conversations with close friends in the community. They didn’t make me feel much better about Song Fight! itself (and in fact helped me to put words to some of the specific things I was feeling particularly bad about), but they did make me feel better about thinking it was time for me to move on.
I so was burned out and so frustrated at this thing that had been so important to me for so long, over half of my life at this point. The other music I’d been doing – small solo performances and scoring for video games and short films – was making me much happier than this ongoing thing, this community that used to bring me such joy.
So for the live fight title of “Valley Highway,” I decided to write a swan song.
But being up on stage, performing with friends, getting the reactions from folks about how much I’ve grown over the years and how much better we’ve all become for having participated in this ridiculous thing for so long? I started to feel a lot better.
I’m still not sure I want to be quite so involved in Song Fight! anymore, but at least I feel good about the time I’ve spent with it, and it’ll probably always be there for me when I need it.
Song Fight! has been so important to me, but it’s okay to move on.
It is time for me to go Down this newly open road I am grateful for how I have Had some of the best times of my life
Looking to the setting sun Looking out for number one Half a life is better than Having never lived a life at all Stuffed inside a letterbox Regrets and things better left unsaid
Here we are In the valley of my dreams
Time to fly Try to live up to my means
I remain so grateful for some Of the best times of my life
Under desert stormy skies Where my former passion lies Chasing down a memory of Better times and times left yet to come Fix my broken wings right up Because it’s long past time for me to fly
Here we are On the highway to my dreams
Time to fly Try to live up to my means
I remain so grateful for some Of the best times of my life
I remain forever grateful For some of the best times of my life
He was an openly gay man in his 50s. I was a mostly-closeted trans gal in my 20s. I was open to him. He was supportive.
He claimed he’d had a hard life, and had many stories to tell. Most of them reeked of bullshit to me. I’m not sure how much was true.
He’d become infatuated with me, and wanted to talk up my “brilliant mind.” I always felt like he was trying to coerce me into a relationship with him.
He would often send me letters to this effect.
This song isn’t about what happened between us, but it was certainly inspired by it.
I don’t know what’s become of him. We did briefly cross paths in a YouTube comment thread, of all the odd places, and I invited him to reconnect, but nothing happened from that.
I hope he’s doing well and that he’s found the love that he needs.
I got your letter Addressed to me Don’t know why you sent it It’s such a mystery
You said you’re broken Trying to hide Asked me how I’m doing, said you’re Burning up inside
You tell a story A lover in the past You say you think this time will be different That we will last
I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be
Another letter You talk of dreams Seeing us together And everything’s serene
Another story How everything was wrong Until the day you met me, how I’m Wonderful and strong
I think you should know It’s hard on me The love you think you have is just a Cause of misery
I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be
Another letter The paper splattered red By the time I read this you think That you might be dead
You said you loved me Why did I lead you on I’m pretty sure I didn’t want your Melancholy song
I call your lover She says you’re doing fine She told me that you said to tell me, “Please stay on the line”
I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to ever tell me How you think this is meant to be
You say you’re sorry For acting such a fool But can we still be friends if it would Not be cold and cruel
I say I’m sorry I never wanted you The image that you had of me was Anything but true
You say you’re sorry We share a quiet shame I’m sorry if you wanted me I just don’t feel the same
It was August 2004. I had just moved to New York City in July, and I had dreams of establishing myself as a musician and also finally transitioning and being able to be myself.
Turns out that “myself” is still just super introverted and socially anxious, and places like New York wear me down faster than they build me up.
Anyway the bit about “start a new family” was inspired by a stupid cishet-normative ad for life insurance that was plastered all over the subway at the time, about a mediocre man wanting to start a family and have two kids. In my take on it in the lyrics I never actually specify which part of the family I’d be taking, and I like to think that I’m just some sort of random factor that leads to a family being started without any continuing involvement of my own. Or maybe I’m the family pet. Who knows. This song is about random nerve firings that were going through my brain while sitting lonely on the subway and feeling isolated, and not about my actual aspirations.
This song always sort of felt like it would be the pivotal moment in a semi-fictional musical about my life, and I guess that in the end, that’s kind of what this album as a whole is.
This song would also be the second-to-last Song Fight! song I entered under the “band” name “fluffy porcupine.”
New York was, also, not the place for me, and a few months after first recording Run Faster (which was about my job situation in New York), I would end up moving to Seattle, and it was time to reinvent myself again. I experimented with a few different band names before finally settling on “Sockpuppet,” a reference to how many other names I’d been operating under, and how I am one person presenting myself as an entire ensemble.
In effect, this song marked the ending of one chapter in my life, and the beginning of the next. But my story is still being written, at least for now.
Just like in a picture show I know where I want to go This is not the place for me And I’m moving on
There are people that I know In the place I want to go I can be what I wanna be I hope I’m not wrong
I think it’s time for me to get my five minutes of fame When I get there everybody will be so glad that I came It won’t be so long before everyone knows my name Without a doubt we’ll talk about the Things I never ever thought I’d Find someone to talk to about
Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This just seems so right for me It’s like I’m already gone
All the people that I know Tell me where I need to go In a day or two or three Nothing will be wrong
I think it’s time to start again with a brand new life Leave behind some of a past that has been filled with strife Start a new family, two kids, a husband, and a wife I sold my car I’m going far to Start again beginning friendship With five minutes left to the end
Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This is not the place for me Goodbye, and so long
This was my third Song Fight! entry, and I was finally starting to get at least a semblance of a recording setup. At this point I’d bought a cheap 4-track tape deck and actually played the guitar part all the way through and sang everything each in one take.
It was still pretty awful and I was still learning how to do basically anything with acoustic recordings. But I was getting somewhere with it, at least.
In 2006 I started the Plus 5 project, where I decided to re-record all of my first-year Song Fight! entries on the fifth anniversary of their original due dates. I LOVE YOU and Repair My Heart both came out reasonably well (and those new versions were the conceptual basis for the versions on this album), but Shipwreck still came out pretty badly, and I started to think that the song itself was cursed.
For this album, I originally started out trying to do a better job of the Plus 5 version, but it still just plain wasn’t working. I was starting to wonder if I even wanted this song on this album to begin with, and like it was just irredeemably bad and not worth trying to save.
But then I had a realization: there’s nothing that says I had to stick to my plan from 2006. It’s my song, and my choice for how to do things, right?
So I changed the arrangement significantly, and decided to lean fully into the idea that it’s a song about desperate isolation.
I think it works.
It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And it looks like there’s nothing to do
I need someone to come Doesn’t matter where they are from I see a ship on the edge of my view And I’m hoping that it is you
Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time so come Come on and rescue me
I am alone with nobody around It feels like I’ll never be found I have to hold on one more day To see if someone is coming my way
It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And I’m hoping that it is you
Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me
Come on and rescue me I’m begging for you to find me, and I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me
I took a bit of a break from Song Fight!, because I was getting frustrated both with some of the aspects of the community, but also with how my missteps kept on causing me to activate interpersonal landmines.
I was trying so hard to be helpful but never stopped to think whether what I was doing was actually helpful.
And at the same time I had a lot of insecurity about my skills as a musician.
And at the same time I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do in terms of gender and transition and so on, and I was getting very little support from most of the people around me, especially folks in Song Fight!.
The term “nonbinary” didn’t exist as far as I’m aware in 2003, but that’s what part of this song is about: not feeling like I fit in to either category, and needing to be happy with just being me.
Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Not so bad but not so good I don’t do all the things that I should I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Everything I do makes it worse Just a speck in the universe Have I been such a fool A fool in the middle
People always put me down But they say they like having me around And that makes me a bitter fool A fool in the middle
One side pink and one side blue Purple’s gonna have to do People can be very cruel when you’re Stuck in the middle
Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Back in the late 90s I had a quite vivid dream about an impossible love that could not exist, and I wrote the first version of the lyrics for this song, and had a vague idea for the chords.
In either late December 2000 or early January 2001, I was visiting my parents during winter break from grad school and noticed that a bunch of my favorite webcomics were all part of what was called the Dumbrella collective. I decided to poke around on the main Dumbrella website, and I noticed a thing on it called “Song Fight!,” which was a songwriting contest where the person running it, Narbotic, would invite his friends to make songs for a single title, as a continuation from his own website where he’d take random title suggestions and make weird little songs for them.
There was also an announcement that the next title, Zero to Phantom, would be open to anyone to submit to the title.
I had absolutely no ideas for it.
But the next title to go up, I LOVE YOU, reminded me of the song I’d written a few years before, and I decided to dust it off. I figured that it’d make a perfect guitar song.
The problem is, I only barely knew a couple of chords, and I didn’t have a guitar. At this point nearly all of my music production had been weird chiptunes.
So I went to a pawn shop and paid too much for some broken and dusty piece of crap, and figured out a few more chords, and I didn’t have a pick so I sanded down a chunk of a broken CD-R to make one, and I tried to record the song.
Unfortunately, I did not know how to actually record live audio, and I didn’t have the finger strength or stamina to even play through the whole song anyway.
So, I sampled all of the chords I knew and a couple of little riffs, loaded them up into Impulse Tracker, and tried sequencing the chords together. Then I recorded my vocals and chopped them up into samples and loaded them up into Impulse Tracker too, and then kinda-sorta assembled things together.
At the time, I didn’t know how to sing, either. I also hadn’t worked out the rhythm of the vocals and just kind of figured it out as I went.
The song was an absolute mess. But I submitted it to Song Fight! anyway, and the reaction was… adequate enough that it inspired me to keep going, and this started my process of slowly building up a bunch of skills for songwriting, guitar playing, recording, singing, and so much more.
This isn’t the first song I ever wrote, but it is ultimately the one that started me on my journey as a musician.
The sun comes right up And there’s nothing I can do But state my mind, recite my point of view
It warms up my hair Passes behind a cloud I’m sitting here, thinking here of you
It shines in my eyes Like a beautiful swirl It blows my mind, and trembles in my view
I cannot think Of anyone in this world I’d rather spend my whole life with than you
I cannot believe Our love could go askew I would rather think What it’s like to be with you
I take a deep breath Let it out real slow The air is warm and smells of sweetened dew
It warms up my head I can see it now I’m sitting here, madly loving you
The world closes in Everything’s a blur I’m feeling dizzy, look around for you
I can’t help but think This must have been a dream Because you are nowhere within my view
I could not believe Our love would go askew I would rather think What it’s like to be with you
I’d like to be with you
#CD #SongFight #Vinyl #Popular #ChamberPop #Classical #IndiePop #Instrumental #Lyrical ]]>For quite a while I had been working on an album called Transitions, in which I was rerecording some of my oldest Song Fight! songs now that I sorta know what I’m doing. While doing this I decided to also do a second companion album, Deadnames, in which I would provide remastered versions of the original recordings.
I came to realize that a bunch of the songs that I was planning wouldn’t really fit Transitions, and that their original recordings didn’t really fit with Deadnames either — but those songs were still overdue to be released, and gosh darnit, I’d already gone through the effort to remaster them! One song in particular really wanted to be released in its original version as a single, and I came to realize that all six of those misfit songs could instead go on their own little EP. So I gave them a bit more love than a simple remaster.
The result: Here’s Notions, an EP in which one particularly silly song is joined by five other particularly silly songs. I hope you enjoy it.
Originally for Song Fight!, 2006
Back before the iPhone came out there were a bunch of early smartphones which were all pretty bad. This song was inspired by one of them in particular, and about how technology can be pretty awful and self-serving. I don’t think things have really improved all that much since then, putting it mildly.
For this one I decided to do a “collaboration” of sorts between Sockpuppet and <3.
(<3) I am not in love It is not what I am thinking of But my life is needing something more Somebody that I can care for
The morning is alright But by the time that it becomes night I don’t know what to do My empty nest is making me feel blue
(fluffy) Hey, sister, I got what you need It’s a robot baby that you don’t need to feed You just plug it in every night And it also doubles as a convenient light
It slices, it dices, it makes julienne fries And inside the box is another surprise It’s a diet pill that’ll make your hair long And the side effect is that you’ll break into song
(<3) I waited my four to six weeks But by the time it was getting bleak A package it came for me I plug it in, but then what I see
When I try to sleep it glows This is something that must too lay low I am getting annoyed At this silly malfunctioning android
(fluffy) That’s not covered by the warranty But we’ll sell you one for an additional fee The product went through a focus group And what everyone wanted was a big feature soup
You can’t expect everything to work right Our scientists made it overnight Just be glad you got it in only one piece Try our other product, a robotic niece
(<3) This is such crap, I am sending it back Everything you make is so totally wack And the diet pill had the opposite effect I now weigh fifty pounds, but my song is in check
I do not think you went to the FDA I will sue you all and make you all pay To get the address I call the support line In Indonesia on my very own dime
(Jane Barbe) The number you have reached Is not in service Please check the number And dial again
(<3) Oh, fuck…
Originally for Circle of Titles, 2020
One of the other Song Fight! traditions is Circle of Titles, where we provide titles for each other to write songs for in a one-on-one way. In 2020 I got this lovely title from T.C. Elliott (known better as Pigfarmer Jr. on Song Fight!) and decided to write a song that was inspired by another friend’s manic episode from their untreated bipolar disorder.
I haven’t spoken to them in a while, and I hope they’re doing okay.
(The bipolar friend, I mean. T.C.’s doing fine.)
Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to tell you Wait Wait right here It is a thing I think you know too well Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to show you Wait It’s oh so clear I can’t hear the ringing of the bell
Wait Wait right here There’s something I’ve only realized now Wait It’s so clear I think we all need our own real space, oh Wait Wait right here I’m trying to find a proper way, how Wait It’s so dear The world can be a big beautiful place
I can’t hear the image that you’re saying I can’t hear, I wish I knew you well I can’t hear the image that you’re singing to me I can’t hear, I know you wish me well
Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to show you Wait Wait right here It’s time for me to have my show and tell, oh Wait Wait right here Remember the thing that I tried to tell you Wait Wait right here Of all the people I’m wishing you well, so Wait
Originally for Song Fight!, 2024
Song Fight! has been running for a long time; it started in 2000, making it an extremely old website by today’s standards, and it’s probably one of the first and is almost certainly now the longest-running songwriting communities on the Internet.
In 2024, the 1000th title was posted, “A Grand Parade,” and for this we all decided to dig up as many past participants as possible to try to get to 100 songs. We succeeded at this!
At one point I was entering under an alter-ego, <3, a vessel through which I was trying to express some gender-related stuff, and she was pretty popular. So for A Grand Parade I opted to bring her back for another song.
I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see It’s going to overwhelm and how You will not be very happy
The giant duck is gonna quack And the dogs are gonna bark in back And the Marshall of the big parade Doesn’t care if you feel safe
And the TV man is gonna say It is such a lovely sunny day And I know you want to go out and play But I want you to say inside
I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see Why not stay inside and meow? I just want you to be happy
The clowns will juggle and the bands will play And the noise will scare you far away So let’s stay cozy all the day Inside where we are safe
I do not think you will want to be Outside out there away from me So let’s just drink a cup of tea In the morning we will play
I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see I am feeling overwhelmed and I just want to be happy
Originally for Song Fight!, 2022
This title went up when the Roe v. Wade reversal took place, and was a reference to the material change in constitutional law that had just taken place. Plenty of other people wrote songs about politics, so I felt okay with taking the title a bit more literally.
This song is dedicated to my friend Beltrami, who is featured alongside me in the cover art. May we someday cross paths in this reality, too.
Reupholster me into leather or pleather Make me watertight for every kind of weather Wouldn’t I be nice made of plush or of ice You have my permission, don’t have to ask twice
Take me apart and use me as a toy Make my only purpose to bring people joy Polish me up and make me shiny and clean I’m your willing servant, please be my new queen
Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go
Look me in the eyes and turn me into stone Chisel me down and sit on me as a throne Make this second skin someplace I can begin Reshape me into something with a dorsal fin
Carve me out of wood, make me a work of art Paint me with pictures of my old broken heart Please do not forget what I used to be And please don’t forget to always love me
Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go
Reupholster me it would bring me such pleasure Make me into a pooltoy for bright sunny weather Wear me like a costume so that you can be me Make all of my decisions so I can be free
You took me apart and used me as a toy I can’t remember if I was a girl or boy Please do not forget what I used to be And please don’t forget to always love me
Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go Oh woh
Originally for Song Fight! Live in Madison, Wisconsin, 2019
Song Fight! is a weekly-ish songwriting contest where a title is provided for everyone to write a song to. People write songs, they’re put up for a vote, somebody wins, and it’s all just a pretty good time overall.
Once a year we try to get together and do a little in-person concert where we get up on stage and perform our songs together. And part of Song Fight! Live involves a “live fight” where we’re given a title to write a song for and debut at the show.
In 2019 we went to Madison, Wisconsin, and the live fight title was The Supper Club. I was having Thoughts about Song Fight! at the time and decided to write a song about how Song Fight! as a community is a place where you should feel comfortable to express yourself in whatever way makes you most comfortable. I don’t know if anyone got that message from the song but it’s something I feel deeply all the same.
A place where you belong, a place to sing a song Welcome to the supper club Everyone is nice, giving you advice Every night at the supper club
We take you as you are, whether near or far Just come on down on in to the supper club No-one needs your name, we’re always glad you came All are welcome at the supper club
Be the way that you want to be Comfort is what sets you free We’re your friends and your family All night long at the supper club
We’re happy when you’re glad, saddest when you’re sad Please join us at the supper club Precious fish to fry, reminder of days gone by Every Friday at the supper club
We relish when you’re here, love when you drink our beer Please relax at the supper club Have a drink or three, connecting you and me The rest of your life at the supper club
Be the way that you want to be Comfort is what sets us free We’re your friends and your family All night long at the supper club
A place where you belong, a place to sing a song Welcome to the supper club We love you through and through, it’s something old and new Please enjoy the supper club We love you at the supper club
Originally for Song Fight!, 2010
This was a dumb idea I had right before the deadline and the original recording took me about 5 minutes to do, including composing it and writing the lyrics.
This version took me a little longer to do.
Open up your door Open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door (Open up!) Open up your door (Please open!) Open up your door (Could you open the door please?) Please open up your door (I know you’re in there!)
Open up your door (I can see the light on through the window) Please open up your door (Could you please open the door?) Open up your door (The door, you should open it!) Please open up your door (I know you’re in there!)
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door I need to use your bathroom
#CD #SongFight #Vinyl #Popular #Dance #Electropop #LoungeJazz #Rock #Lyrical ]]>Most of these songs are things done for Song Fight! or Song Fight!-adjacent contests, and represent a real turning point in Sockpuppet’s composition and production without forgetting the roots of where this music came from.
Two of these songs are covers, and are subject to standard copyright:
All other songs are Creative Commons BY-NC-SA.
Hippy likes Hippy snacks. Hippy thinks they taste so good. Hippy likes the Hippy snacks. They’re made of whole grain wholesome wood.
Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better than you. Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better than you. Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better than you. Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better.
Yuppie likes Yuppie snacks. Yuppie likes them made of meat. Yuppie likes the Yuppie snacks. Suck them from the Yuppie teat.
Yuppie snacks make them better than me, make them better than you. Yuppie snacks make them better than me, make them better than you. Yuppie snacks make them better than me, make them better than you. Yuppie snacks make them better than me, make them better, better, better, better.
Hippy don’t like Yuppie snacks. They prefer things made of soy. Yuppie don’t like hippy snacks. Would rather play with shiny toy.
Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better than you. Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better than you. Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better than you. Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them bitter.
I was going through a breakup, with someone who really wanted me to do more than I was able.
You shouldn’t fall For anyone at all Eventually you’re gonna hit the ground
Everything you do Please do it just for you Because you are so great to have around
And if you should fall From something ten feet tall I’ll try to catch you and make it okay
But everything I do I can’t do just for you I won’t always be there to save the day
And then if I should fall From fifty stories tall I hope that you’ll be there right next to me
And everything we do We ask each other to Even if we sometimes disagree
But you shouldn’t fall For anyone at all No matter what you think that you have found
And everything you do Please do it just for you Because I don’t want you to hit the ground
I wrote this song the night after I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, based on the then-current understanding of the condition (before new research showed that it’s actually an autoimmune condition), and also about my long-time frustration with just how people who don’t experience chronic pain talk to people who do.
Every day I’m just a little older I feel a little twinge up in my shoulder Icing up my limbs until they’re colder Reduce the burning pain into a smolder
I’ve got fibromyalgia I’ve got fibromyalgia I feel a lot of pain but it’s Mostly in my brain I have Fibromyalgia
I’ve got Fibromyalgia Fibromyalgia There’s something in my brain that makes me Sensitive to pain I’ve got Fibromyalgia
Well I think it’s pretty nice To eat turmeric and rice With a spicy Indian curry
And I get so much advice And I’ve heard it once or twice About swimming and Pilates and so much yoga (You should swim do Pilates and so much yoga!)
Fibromyalgia, I’ve got Fibromyalgia It’s excruciating pain That comes from my defective brain I’ve got fibromyalgia
This was the 2016 Live Fight entry for Song Fight! Live! in New York City.
It’s just a happy accident that these two Live Fight entries from the same city happened to go next to each other on this album.
This thing I found lying in the street Don’t know what it is but it’s pretty neat When I picked it up, it filled me with energy
Now everyone’s always lookin’ around Turning their head to see this thing I found Give me a look, I think that it’s jealousy
It’ll always be my lucky charm Keeping me safe and free from harm I know everything will always be okay
Everything all said, I’m good At least long as I’m touching wood My good luck charm will always save the day
It looks kind of like a rocket ship Keep it on my belt, held it with a clip And suddenly nobody wants to fight
Walking through the village green, Lots of people say “that’s keen!” Some of them even cheer and shout “All right!”
It’ll always be my lucky charm Keeping me safe and free from harm I know everything will always be okay
Everything all said, I’m good At least long as I’m touching wood My good luck charm will always save the day
A baker must be what I be Because everybody says to me Something about the dough made of dill that I wear
I’m not quite sure what they mean But I don’t want to make a scene Anyway they said to look out for a bear
I walked on by a man in blue He took one look and said “how do you do, I think I’m gonna take you into custody”
I wasn’t sure just what he meant But then it was clear this was heaven-sent Because that bear can never get to me
It’ll always be my lucky charm Keeping me safe and free from harm I know everything will always be okay
Everything all said, I’m good At least long as I’m touching wood My good luck charm will always save the day
It’ll always be my lucky charm Keeping me safe and free from harm I know everything will always be okay
Everything all said, I’m good At least long as I’m touching wood My good luck charm will always save the day
This was recorded in posthumous tribute to its composer, Seth Gibbs, who probably did not intend for this song to be about himself.
His old band’s original version is available on Song Fight!.
Space cadet, what can you bring us To bring us together
Space cadet, what can you bring us To bring us together
Space cadet can you see all of the planets and stars Lifeless and empty but they know who they are He is so alone But we are really alone
Fly away, leave us alone, we don’t want you anyway I hope you’re happy floating free up in space It’s so nice up there But it’s so rotten down here
Space cadet, what can you bring us To bring us together
Space cadet, what can you bring us To bring us together
You watch the universe go You wishing on the last star What do you think of us now How can you live with us now
Hey cadet, where do you think You’re going don’t float away Take us with you, we’ll miss you so
Space cadet, what can you bring us To bring us together
Space cadet, what can you bring us To bring us together
This song was written as a 20th anniversary celebration of the very first Song Fight!.
20 years ago I knew this guy, you probably know the type. His name was Gary or Greg or something, but everyone knew him as Golfpunk. His whole thing was breaking in windows of expensive cars using a golf club to protest the wealth gap or… somethin' like that.
Anyway, he called himself a performance artist, and some rich dude decided it would be funny to give him a Cadillac to drive around, you know, “ironically?” Golfpunk, he changed, man… He changed.
(Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac) (Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac) (Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac) (Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac)
Now that he had a Cadillac of his own he suddenly felt a lot of empathy for the other Cadillac owners and stopped smashing windows. He wanted to smash things, though, so… he took his golf club to the golf course and… he started playing.
You know, golf.
The rich peoples' sport.
And he was good at it.
(Golfpunk, he drives a nine iron) (Golfpunk, he drives a nine iron) (Golfpunk, he drives a nine iron) (Golfpunk, he’s gonna crash and burn)
He ended up entering into a tournament and won a lot of money, but then his past caught up with him and all these rich assholes, like, sued him for the windows he broke. And then he had to go on a big ol' apology tour, ‘cause it’s not like he hurt anyone or said anything racist, but God forbid some windows get smashed up.
Anyway, we all kind of lost track of him for a long time, but then a few weeks ago he reached out to me and was like, “Hey, remember me?” And I was like, “Hey, I remember you! Man, Golfpunk! It’s been a long heckin’ time.” Then he kinda went silent.
And then he says to me, “So, um, I’m not Golfpunk anymore. I got married, settled down, had kids… now I’m more of a… golf dad.”
And I was like, “Oh. Huh. Weird.”
And then he said the most offensive thing to me ever:
“And now I drive a Prius.”
(Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac) (Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac) (Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac) (Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac)
Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is it’s okay to grow up sometimes, and maybe you’re going to grow apart too. And that’s alright.
Just don’t become an asshole.
The original version of this song was written by King Arthur for the A Problem of Perspective edition of Song Fight!.
Here is the problem: The way I see you is Colored by all of the things we’ve been through. Here is the problem: The way you see me is All about the things that you think I did to you.
That’s how a problem of perspective seems to work; Gets in the way of love. We think we’ve been hurt, We say we’ve had enough, we lose the will to trust. That’s what a problem of perspective does to us.
Love keeps no score of wrongs, they tell me, but my Eyes won’t open and my heart won’t let go. I make assumptions, despite the things I see, I… I deny the evidence, I trust what I think I know.
That’s how a problem of perspective seems to work; Gets in the way of love. We think we’ve been hurt, We say we’ve had enough, we lose the will to trust. That’s what a problem of perspective does to us.
At least two sides to every story. At least one truth for every lie. The optimist afraid to disbelieve, The pessimist afraid to try.
That’s how a problem of perspective seems to work; Gets in the way of love. We think we’ve been hurt, We say we’ve had enough, we lose the will to trust. That’s what a problem of perspective does to us.
This song was written for Song Fight! Live 2020, and I don’t think people got the joke that it was a song about how 2020 was going to have been so much better than 2019 was.
(For those reading this from the distant future: It very much wasn’t.)
This year had its challenges All my flowers dead, my pain got worse, my brain got worse, there’s something wrong with my head
What happened to my career, it didn’t go my way Things feel bad, and I’m in fear I won’t live another day
oh, it can only get better oh, I know it will get better
we see the rise of fascists who think many lives don’t matter a president who’s on the brink, only cares to be flattered
where can our people go from here it all just seems too much famine devastation fear we need a human touch
oh, it can only get better oh, I know it will get better
but it wasn’t all so bad some of it was swell remember all the good times we had Song Fight! Live went well
We take the hand we have been dealt this year’s problems were a-plenty 2019 really smelt, so here’s to 2020
oh, it can only get better oh, I know it will get better oh, it can only get better oh, I know it will get better
My isle dauphine She’ll never come clean What does she mean She’ll never go clean Oh, isle dauphine
She walks down the aisle All of the while I’m thinking I’ll Walk single file Oh, isle dauphine
I heard what she said, and She’s turning all red Might as well be dead for Everything she said Oh, isle dauphine
She’s walking the border with everything in order and takes off the garter and Runs a bit harder Oh, isle dauphine
My isle dauphine She’ll never come clean What does she mean She’ll never go clean Oh, isle dauphine
This was written for Circle of Titles in 2016, when I was assigned the title “Strategies to Live,” which felt super relevant given the then-recent Presidential election which was at odds with my safety as a trans person.
It took me five years to release this album, and I kept on feeling like it was too late to release this topical song, and yet, somehow it manages to remain topical.
You can hide yourself down a deep, dark hole Or hoist yourself on a really tall pole Anything that’ll help you get away
You can do heavy drugs to numb the pain, or Ask a surgeon to remove your brain So you can fit right in and start to play
Change your face and change your name Hide everything that brings you shame Or go on a preemptive sneak attack
Dig deep into the viper’s pit Embroil yourself in petty shit Just commit ‘coz there’s no turning back
Oh, I wish I didn’t worry oh so much Oh, I wish I could feel fine Oh, if only all my hopes weren’t out of touch I wish my safety wasn’t on the line
If you’re accused of doing a bad crime Want to hide for a very very very long time Consider all the possibilities
Make a run for President Convince the people you are heaven sent You might just win and then you are home free
Even if you’re caught lying Everyone gives you points for trying It’s not that the bear stakes well, it skates at all
Even if you destroy the world It doesn’t matter, you can fuck every girl And then you can go home and take your ball
Oh, I wish I didn’t worry oh so much Oh, I wish I could feel fine Oh, if only all my hopes weren’t out of touch I wish my safety wasn’t on the line
In the long run everything will be fine It will just be a matter of time, in Twelve billion years this will all be gone
In the meantime just try to survive The world is better with you alive Outliving him is a reason to go on
This song was inspired by repeatedly tapping the tuning fork button on my portable amp.
it’s inimical inimitable and so predictable not a miracle
it’s despicable deliverable get irritable, with a thread to pull, feeling minimal
a seeming emptiness encroaching loneliness result of pettiness, try to redress the phoniness
acrimonious sanctimonious a former holiness, the brokenness melodious
finding time to spare sit in the broken chair being unaware, without a care all thoughts laid bare
a tantric suicide already dead inside climb up the hillside, across the divide, smell insecticide
there’s a new tomorrow, it’s falling into place there’s a new tomorrow, it’s running out of space there’s a new tomorrow, it’s all fucked up get your new tomorrow, you’re out of luck
get a steady job, and another piece of me get a big tv, and another take get a new degree, stuck in the machinery in the new tomorrow, you get what you make
it’s inimical counterfactual and so predictable not a miracle
it’s despicable deliverable get irritable, with a thread to pull, feeling minimal
and you simply cannot see what this all has done to me simply cannot see through the crooked lies simply cannot see everything that’s eating me nobody is looking through each others’ eyes
simply cannot see what this all has meant to me simply cannot see through the skin disguise simply cannot see all the greater piece of me walking through the hallway something on the rise
feeling critical and irritable analytical parasitical
apocalyptical stereotypical it’s predictable, hypocritical, a miracle
Everything you like, anything that gets you high Something there for everyone, something you can try Getting murry with a furry in the simulated leather Bondage in a dungeon where you can do it one better
Get your freak flag on Get your freak flag on
Everything is good in our carved out sexy spaces From the horniest of normies to the kinkiest of aces Post it on social if you’re into humiliation But remember to use content warnings – it’s just polite!
Get your freak flag on Get your freak flag on (Get your freak flag on)
Everything is good as long as everyone’s consenting Couple with some trans girls who are really into fencing Peg a strapping young lad with your strapping strap-on cock Only if he’s legal though, I’ve been around the block
Get your freak flag on Get your freak flag on (Ooh yeah, get your freak flag on)
You can be a top or bottom or an indecisive switch Take ‘em out for breakfast afterwards, if you feel the itch Safety first, remember to wear rubber, use protection And get it nice and shiny so you can see your own reflection Mmm, yeah…
Get your freak flag on Get your freak flag on Get it on and on Get your freak flag on
(freak flag) Safeword to your mother But not your actual mother (freak flag) 'Cuz that’d be gross
I mean, yuck
This song was originally written for Song Fight!, as part of the “Live Fight” challenge for Song Fight! Live 2021.
On the blog I have written up a detailed explanation of the lyrics and video.
Feeling lost in an elephant’s dream Caught up in the digital stream Cave of shadows, can’t say what I mean A million miles far from home
Best foot forward, take a step back Play defense while on the attack Sowing discord, can’t cut them no slack Everybody so alone
If everyone could see Themselves through some other eyes Innocent, caught up in the machinery An algorithmic disguise
Making everything great again Forget about your family and friends Looking for a means to an end Just don’t want to be alone
Fragile gem, split in two Internal dialogue of them vs. you Find acceptance with nothing to do The voices there are all your own
If everyone could see Themselves through some other eyes Innocent, caught up in the machinery An algorithmic disguise
A deeper body ache, and make a bad mistake A million jumping on Sharing a bad take, Nobody can quite shake The feeling that you’re gone
Feeling lost in an elephant’s dream Getting washed away by the digital stream If it feels better to share another meme Doesn’t make you less alone
If everyone could see Themselves through some other eyes Innocent, caught up in the machinery An algorithmic disguise
If everyone could see Themselves through some other eyes Innocent, caught up in the machinery An algorithmic disguise
This song isn’t about Portland, but it also isn’t not about Portland.
It’s also about Seattle.
But also it was just written for the Song Fight! Live Fight in Portland, in 2015.
We’re so happy that you want to stay But our city’s full please go away We don’t want to turn away your kind So come anyway, I guess we won’t mind
We know what you’ve seen on the TV How we live our lives totally fancy free But you really ought to know Portlandia is just a show
We are passive, and aggressive Sacred bike rights often start fights But we all drive, when you arrive We say you’ll never need a car
We have hipsters – Silly tricksters We’re ironic – Catatonic Brew our own beer, but please don’t fear ‘Cause there’s always PBR
So you live here now, you want a job? I guess that’s cool – you’re not a slob You could work at a restaurant If that is the kind of job you want
What’s that you say? You have a degree? A master’s in sustainability? That’s really great, but you oughta know I just got mine an hour ago
We are passive, and aggressive Sacred bike rights often start fights But we all drive, when you arrive We say you’ll never need a car
We have hipsters – Silly tricksters We’re ironic – Catatonic Brew our own beer, but please don’t fear ‘Cause there’s always PBR
I guess we can’t talk you out of it So welcome to Portland, We Give A Shit™ What’s that you say, you love the sky so blue? Well I guess I’ve got some news for you…
We are passive, and aggressive Sacred bike rights often start fights But we all drive, when you arrive We say you’ll never need a car
We have hipsters – Silly tricksters We’re ironic – Catatonic Brew our own beer, but please don’t fear ‘Cause there’s always PBR And there’s always PBR And there’s always PBR
#CD #SongFight #Vinyl #Popular #Dancepop #Electropop #IndiePop #Rock #Funny #Cover #Lyrical ]]>This album represents a return to our roots as an electronica and experimental band. Not a permanent reversion, of course; just think of it as a vacation to the homeland.
It also is was slowly being turned into a series of video games, although that project is on indefinite hiatus.
In my house In my house What is this person that I do not think I know Doing in my house
In my house In my house He must have snuck in through the bedroom door Living like a mouse
He says he is my husband I’ve never seen him before He knows everything about me I’ll have to show him the door
Not my spouse He’s not my spouse I think I would remember having brought him Into my house
It’s my house He’s in my house Why is this person laughing right at me Sitting in my house
So many pictures of us together The room is starting to blur He says he’s beginning to worry about me But I just can’t be sure I can’t be sure
In my house In my house What is this person that I do not know Doing in my house
Originally composed for Project Imperative, which was meant to be a multiplayer Pong in which the rules change every 20 seconds. This ended up not really happening during the original jam, but I revisited the idea when using it as the first track of the game album.
This song came to me in a dream about love and loss and growing up.
I didn’t know this song was about having undiagnosed ADHD when I wrote it, because it was not yet diagnosed.
I’ve been told this one’s super relatable, on that note.
Your head is in the cloud You don’t know who you are Try to do everything you can Spread yourself too far
Everything that you want to know How to come undone Boiling over, time to kill In the frozen sun
Everything that we used to know Has a zero sum Ice cubes in the goldfish bowl Where we’ve come undone
Nerves of tissue, lung of steel Sleep until we’re dead Warm the soul with antifreeze A frozen mind instead
1 2 4 5 10 20 25 50 100 125 250 500
hello, hello hello, hello hello, hello hello, hello hello, hello (hello) goodbye
two times two times five times five times five two times two times five times five times five two times two times five times five times five five times two times five times two times five
Originally composed for a game soundtrack.
#CD #GameJams #GlobalGameJam #OST #SongFight #Vinyl #Popular #Ambient #EDM #Ambient #Electronic #Electropop #Instrumental #Lyrical ]]>