Music done for Strawberry Jam 9 and a couple other things.
A version of “Chilling” meant to evoke certain cute villager games.
A few tracks for Starknights, doing a crafting/shooting game.
This was an idea for Yamatsu’s boss fight music, although it was rejected for not fitting the vibe. Totally valid.
The title of this track is a Simpsons + Wagner reference.
The actual boss fight music for Yamatsu.
This is the combat theme but with some extra pizzazz.
A version of “Chilling” made to sound like there’s an encroaching deadline.
This is the overworld theme for Yamatsu.
Yamatsu wanted a soundtrack for a Binding of Isaac/Enter the Gungeon-like, with intimate scenes, and with combat music reminiscent of Armored Core.
eyetooth wanted to continue their project from last year.
Sneaky stealth puzzle action
Jigs pitched a fishing game in the style of Animal Crossing, and specifically wanted some chill bossa nova.
Another year, another Rubber Wizard game. This time around Kageki asked me to do more of the same style as before, and suggested La Gazza Ladra as an inspiration. I also threw in a bit of the Sailor Moon theme for good measure.
Some affection music for having finished the sneaky stealth puzzles.
Did I say “affection?” I meant “fucking.”
This is the horny theme for Yamatsu.
Every month, Jeremy Blake runs a songwriting challenge where a theme is provided, and for February, the theme was “liminal music,” i.e. music made for things like save/safe rooms in action/horror/survival games. Being games-related I felt like this fit in with the jam, even though it wasn’t done for a Strawberry Jam game per se.
I don’t really have a lot to say about this track since I don’t play a lot of games with a safe room mechanism to begin with, because real life is already anxiety-inducing enough. So I just thought I’d capture the tension of being in a room where you’re trying to get away from the world but can’t completely forget about it.
Title music for Ass Without a Trace 2.
This is the standard combat theme for Yamatsu.
Gone Fishing. It’s a game about fishing… right?
Yeah, fishing.
A shopping theme for Gone Fishing.
For a visual novel prequel to Gooning Simulator I was given a rather long and detailed pitch, but for the jam the scope was limited to just a single flirting scene at a bar. Maybe this game will get more music later.
A post-puzzle affection scene.
#CD #GameJams #OST #StrawberryJam ]]>These are some of my oldest songs, all but one of them written back when I first started writing songs with lyrics. They have been completely reimagined and rearranged as a celebration of where I started and of how far I’ve come.
These songs serve as a sort of soundtrack to my life, especially in those days of the early 2000s, when I was struggling with gender and my mental health, and trying to figure out what I even wanted to be when I grew up (in more ways than one). They’ve been sitting on a shelf, fermenting for decades, and they are songs that I am finally ready to share with the world.
They tell a story of aspiration and heartbreak, of being trapped by my circumstances and escaping, and ultimately finding my own path forward.
These songs are super personal and personally-meaningful, and I am glad that they are finally out there in the world.
Thank you for joining me on this journey.
I wrote this song in response to a well-meaning but clueless friend who saw I was suffering and would tell me I should “just cheer up.”
“Just cheer up” won’t make me less depressed.
“Just cheer up” won’t solve my anxiety.
“Just cheer up” won’t fix my chronic pain.
“Just cheer up” won’t take away my stressors.
“Just cheer up” won’t stop the world from hating me just for being me.
Fuck toxic positivity.
Anyway I think it was pretty bold of me to rhyme “up” with “up.” Those are the kinds of innovative lyrical ideas that normally only come with decades of experience.
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright?
Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady, though, Alright, alright?
I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright?
Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I get your point already Alright, alright?
Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking, I am hanging up Your cheer isn’t helping me feel any more All right, alright?
I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright?
Don’t you even try To think that I Just need to have it pointed out that It’ll be alright
Metaphorically I I just wanna die Or at least have the world go away Until I am alright
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright!
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright
Back in 2003, when this song was originally written, it was considered “okay” and “funny” to dox and harass trans people. And if it happened to someone, clearly it was their fault for being trans and not being 100% perfect at keeping their private information private.
Ask me how I know.
In the midst of getting dozens of harassing phone calls, random evangelists being sent to my door hearing I’d “found Jesus,” and being added to dozens of religious mailing lists, I was, as you might expect, pretty tired and grumpy.
And the people around me thought it was just a joke, or my fault for being trans. What could I expect from society, because of this “choice” I “made?”
And meanwhile, being largely in the closet in person, I couldn’t even share that this was going on with most people around me. They could see that I was stressed, but as usual, leaned hard on toxic positivity nonsense, telling me that I needed to cheer up and that things weren’t so bad.
Sometimes you just need to wallow and hide, and sometimes it’s okay to tell people to fuck right off, especially when they refuse to get it.
The original version of this song was a lot angrier, and also only had three chords. It was one of the first songs to be selected for remixing on Remix Fight (a long-gone side project from a bunch of Song Fight! people), and I was fortunate enough to have the song be remixed by Victor “fourstones” Stone, who would later go on to found ccMixter. I had actually forgotten all about that until a few days before I started on this track (and had no idea how I was going to handle this song) and his remix came up in my playlist, and one of the changes he made to the chord progression gave me the inspiration I needed to complete my new arrangement.
So, thank you, Victor, wherever you are.
Oh, it’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase the clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want the rain to wash my tears away
Don’t want you coming here, try to change my mind You don’t know just how I feel, I feel I’m feeling fine You don’t know what it’s like, living in my brain It’s not the things you think that keep me in this pain
Today is just another sunny day Why don’t you go and chase some fucking clouds away I don’t want to come outside and play today I just want the rain to wash my tears away
I’m being eaten at, attacked from every side They smack me down, want me to drown, and take me for a ride You want to make me think it isn’t them it’s me It will not work, don’t be a jerk, I know how it should be
Oh it’s just another sunny day I wish the clouds could come and stay, for that I pray Please just leave me alone and go away Don’t want to see you now, just leave me alone today
I know it seems I’m on the edge of something bad You scream and shout that I’m “flipping out,” you’re just making me mad I’m the one who’s fine, it’s everyone else who’s insane But people suck, I’m out of luck, I just can’t play the game
Oh, it’s just another sunny day Please let me be, don’t bother me today (please bother me) I’m sick of you trying to chase my clouds away (chase my clouds away) I just want you to go the fuck away
It’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase my clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want you to stay
When Song Fight! posted the title “Repair My Heart,” I had just bought a CD-R of “royalty-free” loops (of extremely dubious origin) which came with a whole bunch of interesting beats and instrument one-shots. In particular there was a fun jungle beat which sounded like an off-kilter heartbeat to me.
So, I made a lo-fi jungle-ish track for my second Song Fight! entry.
There’s a long-running debate within Song Fight! about the legitimacy of instrumental tracks; one of the prevailing beliefs is that there’s nothing that ties an instrumental to the title, and what stops someone from entering an instrumental song for any given title, and then later entering it again for another title?
So I am quite pleased that Frankie Big Face, who was at one time one of the staunchest advocates of that above line of thinking, held up my Repair My Heart as a rare exception to that, an instrumental which could only work with that title.
Anyway, here it is as a jazz ensemble.
On the (sadly long-gone) original Song Fight! forum thread for this song, someone mentioned “Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown),” which was one of my favorite Beatles songs at the time, so of course I had to put a couple of references to it in the lyrics.
While this song is vaguely inspired by something my mom once said about a childhood pet bird, as well as some of the continuing aftermath of the messy breakup that inspired a few of my early Song Fight! songs, it is basically complete fiction. (And for what it’s worth, that ex and I have long since reconciled and are friends again.)
The evolution of this song is pretty typical: It started out as lo-fi jazz, then it became punk rock, and now it’s a baroque-esque string quartet. Y'know, a totally normal trajectory that all music follows.
I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so
She always said that it would be, “If you love someone you set them free” And I know that I would love it so And I would open the window
It’s always sad when one’s not good Being in a cage made of Norwegian wood I’d hope that someone would love me so Much as to open my window
I once had a man, or should I say He once had me for a single day I thought that he had loved me so But he would not open my window
I flew away in a single day He chased me but I ran away Back to a place where I could be Myself and by myself be free
I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so
I was going through some shit.
I’m better now.
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you I will always try To live to see you die You know always that I I will always try I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than You don’t know what I’m going through You can’t see from my point of view You will be on my mind You won’t be hard to find
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you I will always try To live to see you die You know always that I I will always try I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than You don’t know what I’m going through You can’t see from my point of view You will be on my mind You won’t be hard to find
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried
I am stronger than you
I am stronger than you
If The Supper Club was a love letter to Song Fight!, this one’s a Dear John.
In 2024, Song Fight! Live finally came back as an in-person event, after several years away due to the COVID-19 pandemic. When I arrived in Denver, though, I felt like I was only there out of obligation, and over the course of the next few days I felt like maybe I was done with Song Fight! for so many reasons. The community was a great way for me to get started as a songwriter, but it was starting to feel like I needed to pull back a bit and not be so emotionally-invested in it.
Over the next few days I had several good conversations with close friends in the community. They didn’t make me feel much better about Song Fight! itself (and in fact helped me to put words to some of the specific things I was feeling particularly bad about), but they did make me feel better about thinking it was time for me to move on.
I so was burned out and so frustrated at this thing that had been so important to me for so long, over half of my life at this point. The other music I’d been doing – small solo performances and scoring for video games and short films – was making me much happier than this ongoing thing, this community that used to bring me such joy.
So for the live fight title of “Valley Highway,” I decided to write a swan song.
But being up on stage, performing with friends, getting the reactions from folks about how much I’ve grown over the years and how much better we’ve all become for having participated in this ridiculous thing for so long? I started to feel a lot better.
I’m still not sure I want to be quite so involved in Song Fight! anymore, but at least I feel good about the time I’ve spent with it, and it’ll probably always be there for me when I need it.
Song Fight! has been so important to me, but it’s okay to move on.
It is time for me to go Down this newly open road I am grateful for how I have Had some of the best times of my life
Looking to the setting sun Looking out for number one Half a life is better than Having never lived a life at all Stuffed inside a letterbox Regrets and things better left unsaid
Here we are In the valley of my dreams
Time to fly Try to live up to my means
I remain so grateful for some Of the best times of my life
Under desert stormy skies Where my former passion lies Chasing down a memory of Better times and times left yet to come Fix my broken wings right up Because it’s long past time for me to fly
Here we are On the highway to my dreams
Time to fly Try to live up to my means
I remain so grateful for some Of the best times of my life
I remain forever grateful For some of the best times of my life
He was an openly gay man in his 50s. I was a mostly-closeted trans gal in my 20s. I was open to him. He was supportive.
He claimed he’d had a hard life, and had many stories to tell. Most of them reeked of bullshit to me. I’m not sure how much was true.
He’d become infatuated with me, and wanted to talk up my “brilliant mind.” I always felt like he was trying to coerce me into a relationship with him.
He would often send me letters to this effect.
This song isn’t about what happened between us, but it was certainly inspired by it.
I don’t know what’s become of him. We did briefly cross paths in a YouTube comment thread, of all the odd places, and I invited him to reconnect, but nothing happened from that.
I hope he’s doing well and that he’s found the love that he needs.
I got your letter Addressed to me Don’t know why you sent it It’s such a mystery
You said you’re broken Trying to hide Asked me how I’m doing, said you’re Burning up inside
You tell a story A lover in the past You say you think this time will be different That we will last
I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be
Another letter You talk of dreams Seeing us together And everything’s serene
Another story How everything was wrong Until the day you met me, how I’m Wonderful and strong
I think you should know It’s hard on me The love you think you have is just a Cause of misery
I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be
Another letter The paper splattered red By the time I read this you think That you might be dead
You said you loved me Why did I lead you on I’m pretty sure I didn’t want your Melancholy song
I call your lover She says you’re doing fine She told me that you said to tell me, “Please stay on the line”
I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to ever tell me How you think this is meant to be
You say you’re sorry For acting such a fool But can we still be friends if it would Not be cold and cruel
I say I’m sorry I never wanted you The image that you had of me was Anything but true
You say you’re sorry We share a quiet shame I’m sorry if you wanted me I just don’t feel the same
It was August 2004. I had just moved to New York City in July, and I had dreams of establishing myself as a musician and also finally transitioning and being able to be myself.
Turns out that “myself” is still just super introverted and socially anxious, and places like New York wear me down faster than they build me up.
Anyway the bit about “start a new family” was inspired by a stupid cishet-normative ad for life insurance that was plastered all over the subway at the time, about a mediocre man wanting to start a family and have two kids. In my take on it in the lyrics I never actually specify which part of the family I’d be taking, and I like to think that I’m just some sort of random factor that leads to a family being started without any continuing involvement of my own. Or maybe I’m the family pet. Who knows. This song is about random nerve firings that were going through my brain while sitting lonely on the subway and feeling isolated, and not about my actual aspirations.
This song always sort of felt like it would be the pivotal moment in a semi-fictional musical about my life, and I guess that in the end, that’s kind of what this album as a whole is.
This song would also be the second-to-last Song Fight! song I entered under the “band” name “fluffy porcupine.”
New York was, also, not the place for me, and a few months after first recording Run Faster (which was about my job situation in New York), I would end up moving to Seattle, and it was time to reinvent myself again. I experimented with a few different band names before finally settling on “Sockpuppet,” a reference to how many other names I’d been operating under, and how I am one person presenting myself as an entire ensemble.
In effect, this song marked the ending of one chapter in my life, and the beginning of the next. But my story is still being written, at least for now.
Just like in a picture show I know where I want to go This is not the place for me And I’m moving on
There are people that I know In the place I want to go I can be what I wanna be I hope I’m not wrong
I think it’s time for me to get my five minutes of fame When I get there everybody will be so glad that I came It won’t be so long before everyone knows my name Without a doubt we’ll talk about the Things I never ever thought I’d Find someone to talk to about
Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This just seems so right for me It’s like I’m already gone
All the people that I know Tell me where I need to go In a day or two or three Nothing will be wrong
I think it’s time to start again with a brand new life Leave behind some of a past that has been filled with strife Start a new family, two kids, a husband, and a wife I sold my car I’m going far to Start again beginning friendship With five minutes left to the end
Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This is not the place for me Goodbye, and so long
This was my third Song Fight! entry, and I was finally starting to get at least a semblance of a recording setup. At this point I’d bought a cheap 4-track tape deck and actually played the guitar part all the way through and sang everything each in one take.
It was still pretty awful and I was still learning how to do basically anything with acoustic recordings. But I was getting somewhere with it, at least.
In 2006 I started the Plus 5 project, where I decided to re-record all of my first-year Song Fight! entries on the fifth anniversary of their original due dates. I LOVE YOU and Repair My Heart both came out reasonably well (and those new versions were the conceptual basis for the versions on this album), but Shipwreck still came out pretty badly, and I started to think that the song itself was cursed.
For this album, I originally started out trying to do a better job of the Plus 5 version, but it still just plain wasn’t working. I was starting to wonder if I even wanted this song on this album to begin with, and like it was just irredeemably bad and not worth trying to save.
But then I had a realization: there’s nothing that says I had to stick to my plan from 2006. It’s my song, and my choice for how to do things, right?
So I changed the arrangement significantly, and decided to lean fully into the idea that it’s a song about desperate isolation.
I think it works.
It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And it looks like there’s nothing to do
I need someone to come Doesn’t matter where they are from I see a ship on the edge of my view And I’m hoping that it is you
Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time so come Come on and rescue me
I am alone with nobody around It feels like I’ll never be found I have to hold on one more day To see if someone is coming my way
It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And I’m hoping that it is you
Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me
Come on and rescue me I’m begging for you to find me, and I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me
I took a bit of a break from Song Fight!, because I was getting frustrated both with some of the aspects of the community, but also with how my missteps kept on causing me to activate interpersonal landmines.
I was trying so hard to be helpful but never stopped to think whether what I was doing was actually helpful.
And at the same time I had a lot of insecurity about my skills as a musician.
And at the same time I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do in terms of gender and transition and so on, and I was getting very little support from most of the people around me, especially folks in Song Fight!.
The term “nonbinary” didn’t exist as far as I’m aware in 2003, but that’s what part of this song is about: not feeling like I fit in to either category, and needing to be happy with just being me.
Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Not so bad but not so good I don’t do all the things that I should I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Everything I do makes it worse Just a speck in the universe Have I been such a fool A fool in the middle
People always put me down But they say they like having me around And that makes me a bitter fool A fool in the middle
One side pink and one side blue Purple’s gonna have to do People can be very cruel when you’re Stuck in the middle
Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Back in the late 90s I had a quite vivid dream about an impossible love that could not exist, and I wrote the first version of the lyrics for this song, and had a vague idea for the chords.
In either late December 2000 or early January 2001, I was visiting my parents during winter break from grad school and noticed that a bunch of my favorite webcomics were all part of what was called the Dumbrella collective. I decided to poke around on the main Dumbrella website, and I noticed a thing on it called “Song Fight!,” which was a songwriting contest where the person running it, Narbotic, would invite his friends to make songs for a single title, as a continuation from his own website where he’d take random title suggestions and make weird little songs for them.
There was also an announcement that the next title, Zero to Phantom, would be open to anyone to submit to the title.
I had absolutely no ideas for it.
But the next title to go up, I LOVE YOU, reminded me of the song I’d written a few years before, and I decided to dust it off. I figured that it’d make a perfect guitar song.
The problem is, I only barely knew a couple of chords, and I didn’t have a guitar. At this point nearly all of my music production had been weird chiptunes.
So I went to a pawn shop and paid too much for some broken and dusty piece of crap, and figured out a few more chords, and I didn’t have a pick so I sanded down a chunk of a broken CD-R to make one, and I tried to record the song.
Unfortunately, I did not know how to actually record live audio, and I didn’t have the finger strength or stamina to even play through the whole song anyway.
So, I sampled all of the chords I knew and a couple of little riffs, loaded them up into Impulse Tracker, and tried sequencing the chords together. Then I recorded my vocals and chopped them up into samples and loaded them up into Impulse Tracker too, and then kinda-sorta assembled things together.
At the time, I didn’t know how to sing, either. I also hadn’t worked out the rhythm of the vocals and just kind of figured it out as I went.
The song was an absolute mess. But I submitted it to Song Fight! anyway, and the reaction was… adequate enough that it inspired me to keep going, and this started my process of slowly building up a bunch of skills for songwriting, guitar playing, recording, singing, and so much more.
This isn’t the first song I ever wrote, but it is ultimately the one that started me on my journey as a musician.
The sun comes right up And there’s nothing I can do But state my mind, recite my point of view
It warms up my hair Passes behind a cloud I’m sitting here, thinking here of you
It shines in my eyes Like a beautiful swirl It blows my mind, and trembles in my view
I cannot think Of anyone in this world I’d rather spend my whole life with than you
I cannot believe Our love could go askew I would rather think What it’s like to be with you
I take a deep breath Let it out real slow The air is warm and smells of sweetened dew
It warms up my head I can see it now I’m sitting here, madly loving you
The world closes in Everything’s a blur I’m feeling dizzy, look around for you
I can’t help but think This must have been a dream Because you are nowhere within my view
I could not believe Our love would go askew I would rather think What it’s like to be with you
I’d like to be with you
#CD #SongFight #Vinyl #Popular #ChamberPop #Classical #IndiePop #Instrumental #Lyrical ]]>These are some of my oldest songs, all but one of them written back when I first started writing songs with lyrics. They have been slightly polished and cleaned up and remastered, but are otherwise as they were originally released.
Some of these are outtakes from aborted album projects. I still had a ways to go before I was ready to release these songs properly. Sometimes things take a while to ferment.
This is basically a companion album to Transitions, in which most of these songs were finally redone for modern ears, in a way I’m finally happy with. The artwork, on the other hand, is a reference to my very first album.
The Bandcamp version of this album comes with complete liner notes that go into detail about more of my history.
This version triggers my tinnitus something fierce.
Just like in a picture show I know where I want to go This is not the place for me And I’m moving on
There are people that I know In the place I want to go I can be what I wanna be I hope I’m not wrong
I think it’s time for me to get my five minutes of fame When I get there everybody will be so glad that I came And it won’t be so long before everyone knows my name Without a doubt we’ll talk about the Things I never ever thought I’d Find someone to talk to about
Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go It just seems so right for me Like I’m already gone
All the people that I know Tell me where I need to go In a day or two or three Nothing will be wrong
It’s about time to start again with a brand new life Leave behind some of a past that has been filled with strife Start a new family, two kids, a husband, and a wife I sold my car I’m going far to Start again beginning friendship With five minutes left to the end
Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This is not the place for me Goodbye, and so long
The sun comes right up There’s nothing I can do But state my mind Recite my point of view
It warms up my hair Passes behind a cloud I’m sitting here Thinking here of you
It shines in my eyes Like a beautiful swirl It blows my mind Trembles in my view
I cannot think Of anyone in the world I’d rather spend my Whole life with than you
I cannot believe Our love could go askew I would rather think What it’s like to be with you
I take a deep breath Let it out real slow The air is warm, and Smells of sweetened dew
It warms up my head I can see it now I’m sitting here Madly loving you
The world closes in Everything’s a blur I’m feeling dizzy Look around for you
I can’t help but think This must have been a dream Because you are nowhere Within my view
I could not believe Our love would go askew I would rather think What it’s like to be with you
This is one of my first Song Fight! songs that I decided to try rerecording for an album, after I’d bought a cheap used four-track audio interface to try to improve my recording process.
It did not go well.
Okay, um… hello?
This program is a… h’LOooOOoo This program is a piece of shit But it came free with my, uh, USB audio… interface… thing… So I’m not complaining too much
Okay, okay
Let’s uh, try this again
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright
Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady, though Alright, alright
I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright
Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I get your point already Alright, alright
Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop… if you don’t stop talking I…
the fuck? Okay
Your voice is getting me twisted up
Damn it I can play this just fine when I’m not recording Yes I’m being “chatty”
Okay
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright
Things aren’t always going to go my way But tomorrow is another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady, though Alright, alright
I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright
Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I get your point already Alright, alright
Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking I am hanging up Your cheerfulness isn’t making me anymore Alright, alright
Don’t you even try To think that I Just need to have it pointed out that It… it’ll be alright
Metaphorically I I just wanna die Or at least have the world go away until I am alright
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright
THANK YOU Hopefully it’ll save the whole fucking file this time Just, okay Just wanna make sure It’s gonna save the whole thing Okay
For this one I was feeling super lazy and just recorded the keyboard and vocals separately in one take, and then I ran the result through a rather overdriven compressor, because I’d heard that compressors were good for audio production and so I should do that.
Frankie Big Face did an amazing cover of this which is what eventually led to the Love and Monsters version, which I consider to be the definitive version of this song.
One hundred twenty miles per hour It sure is cold outside alone One hundred twenty miles away After an hour far from home
One hundred twenty miles between us Why did you have to hurt me so One hundred twenty miles and counting I’m sorry that I had to go
Why did you hurt me bad, I did not want to lose you Why did you have to leave, I try and try and try and try Why did you want to hurt me, was it something that I said Why do I have to love you, ‘til the day I die?
One hundred twenty miles per hour The distance is now getting large One hundred twenty miles away From you and your stupid garage
One hundred twenty miles between us It is all crystal clear to me One hundred twenty miles and counting We simply were not meant to be
Why did I even put up with your stupidity Why did I bother with you, now I cannot see How could I let you lead me on so very, very, very long I hope that I never miss you, now that you are gone
One hundred twenty miles per hour I’m sure to get away from you One hundred twenty miles away It has vastly improved my view
One hundred twenty miles between us I do not need you anymore One hundred twenty miles and counting Good riddance, don’t wait at the door
Just as with I LOVE YOU, the Transitions version of this song is basically the Plus 5 version, done somewhat more competently.
Yes, that’s a musical reference to Katamari Damacy.
(One, two, three four)
Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Not so bad but not so good I don’t do the things that I should I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Everything I do makes it worse Just a speck in the universe Have I been such a fool A fool in the middle
Everybody puts me down But they say they like having me around And that makes me a bitter fool A fool in the middle
One side pink and one side blue Purple’s gonna have to do People can be very cruel when you’re Stuck in the middle
Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
I got your letter Addressed to me Don’t know why you sent it It’s such a mystery
You said you’re broken Trying to hide Asked me how I’m doing, said you’re Burning up inside
You tell a story A lover in the past You say you think this time will be different That we will last
I don’t need this kind of attention Please don’t show me your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be
Another letter You talk of dreams Seeing us together And everything’s serene
You tell a story How everything was wrong Until the day you met me, how I’m Wonderful and strong
I think you should know It’s hard on me The love you think you have is just a Cause of misery
I don’t need this kind of attention Please don’t show me your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be
Another letter The paper splattered red By the time I read this you think That you might be dead
You said you love me Why did I lead you on I’m pretty sure I didn’t want your Melancholy song
I call your lover She says you’re doing fine She told me that you said to tell me, “Please stay on the line”
I don’t need this kind of attention Please don’t show me your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be
You say you’re sorry For acting such a fool But can we still be friends if it would Not be cold and cruel
I say I’m sorry I never wanted you The image that you had of me was Anything but true
You say you’re sorry You hang your head in shame I’m sorry if you wanted me I just don’t feel the same
This is a version that I’d done for Plus 5. If it weren’t for the fact I’d already re-redone this song for Love and Monsters it’d have gone onto Transitions, so I figured I’d might as well put this version onto Deadnames for completeness’ sake.
This song, incidentally, was about the same breakup that Birds Of Our Own was sort of about.
One hundred twenty miles per hour It sure is cold outside alone One hundred twenty miles away After an hour far from home
One hundred twenty miles between us Why did you have to hurt me so One hundred twenty miles and counting I’m sorry that I had to go
Why did you hurt me was it (turn around and glare) Something that I said (aware) I try and try (unfair)
Why did you hurt me why (turn around and stare) Did I have to leave Why do I have to love you (nowhere) ‘Till the day I die (prepare)
One hundred twenty miles per hour It is now time to move along One hundred twenty miles away From everything that was so wrong
One hundred twenty miles between us It is now crystal clear to me One hundred twenty miles and counting We simply were not meant to be
Why did I even put up with (turn around and glare) your stupidity Why did I bother with you (aware) Now I cannot see (unfair)
How could I let you lead me (catch me unaware) On so very long I hope to never miss you (we share) Now that you are gone (repair)
One hundred twenty miles per hour I’m sure to get away from you One hundred twenty miles away It has vastly improved my view
One hundred twenty miles between us I just don’t need you anymore One hundred twenty miles and counting Good riddance, don’t wait at the door
In 2006 (after having settled on “Sockpuppet” as a band name), I decided to celebrate how far I’d come as a musician since I started doing Song Fight!, and started a project called Plus 5 where I’d remake my first year of Song Fight! songs and release them on the fifth anniversary of the original fight.
I didn’t get through the whole year before losing interest in the project, but due to the nature of this album, I decided that the Plus 5 versions should get remastered and re-released.
It’s funny how in 2006 I thought I’d completed a journey, when clearly I still had a long way to go. I still do, really, but this is at least a step in the right direction.
In any case, the ideas from this directly informed the version I did for Transitions.
The sun comes right up And there’s nothing I can do But state my mind Recite my point of view
It warms up my hair Passes behind a cloud I’m sitting here Thinking here of you
It shines in my eyes Like a beautiful swirl It blows my mind And trembles in my view
I cannot think Of anyone in this world I’d rather spend my Whole life with than you
I cannot believe Our love could go askew I would rather think What it’s like to be with you
I take a deep breath Let it out real slow The air is warm, and Smells of sweetened dew
It warms up my head I can see it now I’m sitting here Madly loving you
The world closes in Everything’s a blur I’m feeling dizzy Look around for you
I can’t help but think This must have been a dream Because you are nowhere Within my view
I could not believe Our love would go askew I would rather think What it’s like (I’d like) to be with you
I’d like to be with you
Lazy jazz turns into screamy punk. While going through my archives I found out that I’d actually tried resuscitating this project for a few other albums and it never quite worked out then either. I have scrapped versions in foodsexsleep and in Songs of Substance. I’d forgotten all about that.
I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so
She always said that it would be, “If you love someone you set them free” And I know that I would love it so And I would open the window
It’s always sad when one’s not good Being in a cage made of Norwegian wood I’d hope that someone would love me so Much as to open my window
I once had a man, or should I say He once had me for a single day I thought that he had loved me so But he would not open my window
I flew away in a single day He chased me but I ran away Back to a place that I could be Myself and by myself be free
I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so
It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And it looks like there’s nothing to do
I need someone to come Doesn’t matter where they are from I see a ship on the edge of my view And I’m hoping that it is you
Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time so come Come on and rescue me
I am alone with nobody around It feels like I’ll never be found I have to hold on one more day To see if someone is coming my way
It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And I’m hoping that it is you
Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me
Come on and rescue me I’m begging for you to find me, and I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me
I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so
She always said that it would be, “If you love someone you set them free” And I know that I would love it so And I would open the window
It’s always sad when one’s not good Being in a cage made of Norwegian wood I’d hope that someone would love me so Much as to open my window
Dooo doo doo dooo doo
I once had a man, or should I say He once had me for a single day I thought that he had loved me so But he would not open my window
I flew away in a single day He chased me but I ran away Back to a place that I could be Myself and by myself be free
I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so
Oh, it’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase the clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want the rain to wash my tears away
Don’t want you coming here, try to change my mind You don’t know just how I feel, I feel I’m feeling fine You don’t know what it’s like, living in my brain It’s not the things you think that keep me in this pain
Today is just another sunny day Why don’t you go and chase some fucking clouds away I don’t want to come outside and play today I just want the rain to wash my tears away
I’m being eaten at from every fucking side They smack me down, want me to drown, and take me for a ride You want to make me think it isn’t them it’s me It will not work you fucking jerk, I know how it should be
Oh it’s just another sunny day I wish the clouds could come and stay, for that I pray Please just leave me alone and go away Don’t want to see you now, just leave me alone today
I know I seem I’m on the edge of something bad You scream and shout I’m “flipping out,” you’re just making me mad I’m the one who’s fine, it’s everyone else who’s insane But people suck, I’m out of luck, I just can’t play this game
Oh, it’s just another sunny day Please let me be, don’t bother me today I’m sick of you trying to chase my clouds away I just want you to go the fuck away
Oh, it’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase my clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want you to stay
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright
Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is just another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady though Alright, alright
I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not f…eeling so steady Alright, alright
Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I— I get your point already Alright, alright
Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking I am hanging up Your cheerfulness isn’t making me feel anymore Alright, alright
Don’t you even try To think that I Just need to have it pointed out that It’ll be alright
Metaphorically I I just wanna die Or at least have the world go away until I am alright
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright
I- I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you I will always try To live to see you die You know always that I I will always try I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you Don’t know what I’m going through You can’t see from my point of view You will be on my mind You won’t be hard to find
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you I will always try To live to see you die You know always that I I will always try I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you Don’t know what I’m going through You can’t see from my point of view You will be on my mind You won’t be hard to find
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you
The Plus 5 version of Shipwreck attempted to be a more highly-produced version of the original. It’s how I originally wanted to try to do the Transitions version as well, but the new version had other plans.
The outro of this version is intended to overemphasize the musical connection between Shipwreck and Fool in the Middle.
It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And it looks like there’s nothing to do
I need someone to come Doesn’t matter where they are from I see a ship on the edge of my view And I’m hoping that it is you
Come on and rescue me (life is like a riddle) I’m drowning, can’t you see that I (stuck in the middle) Really need you all of the time so come (I have been such a fool) Come on and rescue me (A fool in the middle)
I am alone with nobody around It feels like I’ll never be found I have to hold on one more day To see if someone is coming my way
It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And I’m hoping that it is you
Come on and rescue me (life is like a riddle) I’m drowning, can’t you see that I (stuck in the middle) Really need you all of the time, so come (I’ve been such a fool) Come on and rescue me (a fool in the middle)
Come on and rescue me (life is like a riddle) I’m begging for you to find me, and I (stuck in the middle) Really need you all of the time, so come (I’ve been such a fool) Come on and rescue me (a fool in the middle)
The Plus 5 version of Listen Close. For this version I just did it as introverted jazz and just left the angsty lyrics behind.
I didn’t update this one for Transitions because I don’t think the song says anything that needed to be said, and what few interesting musical things happen in it are better covered by the final version of Sunny Again.
This is the remade version of Stronger Than for Plus 5. I wasn’t able to do a full remaster as many of the Logic instruments no longer exist in the basic library and I didn’t have any bounce files that I could reuse, but oh well. This seems good enough.
I am stronger than you
I am stronger than you
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you I will always try To live to see you die You know always that I I will always try I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you Don’t know what I’m going through You can’t see from my point of view You will be on my mind You won’t be hard to find
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you I will always try To live to see you die You know always that I I will always try I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you Don’t know what I’m going through You can’t see from my point of view You will be on my mind You won’t be hard to find
I am stronger than you
This song is about me being super annoyed at the transphobia I was experiencing on the Song Fight! forums. I decided to turn it into a way-too-long jazz jam, which I mostly improvised in real-time (aside from the lyrics).
For the recording I used my Yamaha DD-50 drum machine for the backing track, and played my keyboard with the MIDI piped in through my SIDstation, and recorded both simultaneously while improvisationally changing the SIDstation’s patch and parameters.
I guess it’s okay. The “In a [time] or two or three” idea would eventually get reused for Five Minutes; this was basically a lyrical gimmick which I used to mean “eventually, hopefully soon, possibly never.”
It did eventually become the case that I have to sit down to pee, though.
Listen close, close to me I’m changing can’t you see In a year or two or three No one will recognize me
I know your point of view Knows not how this can be true But the demographics I skew Don’t care about what I do
Listen close, close to me This is not some malarkey I’m the door and you the key Please try to unlock me
You can see the way I move In every way I groove For you it would behoove Of this change to approve
Listen close, close to me I am changing, can’t you see In a year or two or three I’ll have to sit down to pee
I know your point of view Knows not what I’m going through But the demographics that I skew Don’t care about what I do
Listen close, close to me This is not some malarkey I’m the door and you the key Please unlock me Unlock me Unlock me Unlock meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Eeeeeeeee
[7 minutes of aimless jamming later…]
Listen close, close to me This is not some malarkey I’m the door and you the key Please try to unlock me
Listen close, close to me I’m changing, can’t you see In a year or two or three No one will recognize me
Listen
This was my second attempt at recording this song for an album.
It did not go well.
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright
Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is just another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady though Alright, alright
I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright
Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I get your point already Alright, alright
Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking I am hanging up Your cheer isn’t making me anymore Alright, alright
I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright
Don’t you even try To think that I Just need to have it pointed out that It’ll be alright
Metaphorically I I just wanna die Or at least have the world go away until I am alright
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright
#CD #SongFight #LoFi #Origins #Instrumental #Lyrical ]]>For quite a while I had been working on an album called Transitions, in which I was rerecording some of my oldest Song Fight! songs now that I sorta know what I’m doing. While doing this I decided to also do a second companion album, Deadnames, in which I would provide remastered versions of the original recordings.
I came to realize that a bunch of the songs that I was planning wouldn’t really fit Transitions, and that their original recordings didn’t really fit with Deadnames either — but those songs were still overdue to be released, and gosh darnit, I’d already gone through the effort to remaster them! One song in particular really wanted to be released in its original version as a single, and I came to realize that all six of those misfit songs could instead go on their own little EP. So I gave them a bit more love than a simple remaster.
The result: Here’s Notions, an EP in which one particularly silly song is joined by five other particularly silly songs. I hope you enjoy it.
Originally for Song Fight!, 2006
Back before the iPhone came out there were a bunch of early smartphones which were all pretty bad. This song was inspired by one of them in particular, and about how technology can be pretty awful and self-serving. I don’t think things have really improved all that much since then, putting it mildly.
For this one I decided to do a “collaboration” of sorts between Sockpuppet and <3.
(<3) I am not in love It is not what I am thinking of But my life is needing something more Somebody that I can care for
The morning is alright But by the time that it becomes night I don’t know what to do My empty nest is making me feel blue
(fluffy) Hey, sister, I got what you need It’s a robot baby that you don’t need to feed You just plug it in every night And it also doubles as a convenient light
It slices, it dices, it makes julienne fries And inside the box is another surprise It’s a diet pill that’ll make your hair long And the side effect is that you’ll break into song
(<3) I waited my four to six weeks But by the time it was getting bleak A package it came for me I plug it in, but then what I see
When I try to sleep it glows This is something that must too lay low I am getting annoyed At this silly malfunctioning android
(fluffy) That’s not covered by the warranty But we’ll sell you one for an additional fee The product went through a focus group And what everyone wanted was a big feature soup
You can’t expect everything to work right Our scientists made it overnight Just be glad you got it in only one piece Try our other product, a robotic niece
(<3) This is such crap, I am sending it back Everything you make is so totally wack And the diet pill had the opposite effect I now weigh fifty pounds, but my song is in check
I do not think you went to the FDA I will sue you all and make you all pay To get the address I call the support line In Indonesia on my very own dime
(Jane Barbe) The number you have reached Is not in service Please check the number And dial again
(<3) Oh, fuck…
Originally for Circle of Titles, 2020
One of the other Song Fight! traditions is Circle of Titles, where we provide titles for each other to write songs for in a one-on-one way. In 2020 I got this lovely title from T.C. Elliott (known better as Pigfarmer Jr. on Song Fight!) and decided to write a song that was inspired by another friend’s manic episode from their untreated bipolar disorder.
I haven’t spoken to them in a while, and I hope they’re doing okay.
(The bipolar friend, I mean. T.C.’s doing fine.)
Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to tell you Wait Wait right here It is a thing I think you know too well Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to show you Wait It’s oh so clear I can’t hear the ringing of the bell
Wait Wait right here There’s something I’ve only realized now Wait It’s so clear I think we all need our own real space, oh Wait Wait right here I’m trying to find a proper way, how Wait It’s so dear The world can be a big beautiful place
I can’t hear the image that you’re saying I can’t hear, I wish I knew you well I can’t hear the image that you’re singing to me I can’t hear, I know you wish me well
Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to show you Wait Wait right here It’s time for me to have my show and tell, oh Wait Wait right here Remember the thing that I tried to tell you Wait Wait right here Of all the people I’m wishing you well, so Wait
Originally for Song Fight!, 2024
Song Fight! has been running for a long time; it started in 2000, making it an extremely old website by today’s standards, and it’s probably one of the first and is almost certainly now the longest-running songwriting communities on the Internet.
In 2024, the 1000th title was posted, “A Grand Parade,” and for this we all decided to dig up as many past participants as possible to try to get to 100 songs. We succeeded at this!
At one point I was entering under an alter-ego, <3, a vessel through which I was trying to express some gender-related stuff, and she was pretty popular. So for A Grand Parade I opted to bring her back for another song.
I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see It’s going to overwhelm and how You will not be very happy
The giant duck is gonna quack And the dogs are gonna bark in back And the Marshall of the big parade Doesn’t care if you feel safe
And the TV man is gonna say It is such a lovely sunny day And I know you want to go out and play But I want you to say inside
I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see Why not stay inside and meow? I just want you to be happy
The clowns will juggle and the bands will play And the noise will scare you far away So let’s stay cozy all the day Inside where we are safe
I do not think you will want to be Outside out there away from me So let’s just drink a cup of tea In the morning we will play
I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see I am feeling overwhelmed and I just want to be happy
Originally for Song Fight!, 2022
This title went up when the Roe v. Wade reversal took place, and was a reference to the material change in constitutional law that had just taken place. Plenty of other people wrote songs about politics, so I felt okay with taking the title a bit more literally.
This song is dedicated to my friend Beltrami, who is featured alongside me in the cover art. May we someday cross paths in this reality, too.
Reupholster me into leather or pleather Make me watertight for every kind of weather Wouldn’t I be nice made of plush or of ice You have my permission, don’t have to ask twice
Take me apart and use me as a toy Make my only purpose to bring people joy Polish me up and make me shiny and clean I’m your willing servant, please be my new queen
Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go
Look me in the eyes and turn me into stone Chisel me down and sit on me as a throne Make this second skin someplace I can begin Reshape me into something with a dorsal fin
Carve me out of wood, make me a work of art Paint me with pictures of my old broken heart Please do not forget what I used to be And please don’t forget to always love me
Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go
Reupholster me it would bring me such pleasure Make me into a pooltoy for bright sunny weather Wear me like a costume so that you can be me Make all of my decisions so I can be free
You took me apart and used me as a toy I can’t remember if I was a girl or boy Please do not forget what I used to be And please don’t forget to always love me
Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go Oh woh
Originally for Song Fight! Live in Madison, Wisconsin, 2019
Song Fight! is a weekly-ish songwriting contest where a title is provided for everyone to write a song to. People write songs, they’re put up for a vote, somebody wins, and it’s all just a pretty good time overall.
Once a year we try to get together and do a little in-person concert where we get up on stage and perform our songs together. And part of Song Fight! Live involves a “live fight” where we’re given a title to write a song for and debut at the show.
In 2019 we went to Madison, Wisconsin, and the live fight title was The Supper Club. I was having Thoughts about Song Fight! at the time and decided to write a song about how Song Fight! as a community is a place where you should feel comfortable to express yourself in whatever way makes you most comfortable. I don’t know if anyone got that message from the song but it’s something I feel deeply all the same.
A place where you belong, a place to sing a song Welcome to the supper club Everyone is nice, giving you advice Every night at the supper club
We take you as you are, whether near or far Just come on down on in to the supper club No-one needs your name, we’re always glad you came All are welcome at the supper club
Be the way that you want to be Comfort is what sets you free We’re your friends and your family All night long at the supper club
We’re happy when you’re glad, saddest when you’re sad Please join us at the supper club Precious fish to fry, reminder of days gone by Every Friday at the supper club
We relish when you’re here, love when you drink our beer Please relax at the supper club Have a drink or three, connecting you and me The rest of your life at the supper club
Be the way that you want to be Comfort is what sets us free We’re your friends and your family All night long at the supper club
A place where you belong, a place to sing a song Welcome to the supper club We love you through and through, it’s something old and new Please enjoy the supper club We love you at the supper club
Originally for Song Fight!, 2010
This was a dumb idea I had right before the deadline and the original recording took me about 5 minutes to do, including composing it and writing the lyrics.
This version took me a little longer to do.
Open up your door Open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door (Open up!) Open up your door (Please open!) Open up your door (Could you open the door please?) Please open up your door (I know you’re in there!)
Open up your door (I can see the light on through the window) Please open up your door (Could you please open the door?) Open up your door (The door, you should open it!) Please open up your door (I know you’re in there!)
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door I need to use your bathroom
#CD #SongFight #Vinyl #Popular #Dance #Electropop #LoungeJazz #Rock #Lyrical ]]>I make a lot of music for things. Some of it ends up being used, some of it doesn’t. Much of it deserves to be heard anyway.
Some of the things that this music was originally made for:
Are you interested in having music like this in your project? Drop me a line, or see my commissions page.
Background music for an informational video welcoming visitors to the Trans Academy.
The video this was for was intended to be an overview of the Trans Academy and what it does, with several different motifs to indicate the different aspects of the world and community. The video’s scope had to be pulled back somewhat, but this became the basis of the overall musical design and audio logos I developed for the Academy going forward. You will hear the Academy themes and motifs in several of the other songs on this album.
Prototype battle theme made for an abandoned, untitled Pokémon fangame.
I ended up using this in one of my own games, although it was basically a last-minute shitpost meant specifically to have something that actually used the music in it.
A soundtrack done for a seasons greetings video for the Trans Academy.
This was done as a stylistic riff on the front half of “Linus and Lucy” by Vince Guaraldi, with a Motown-inspired jazz sound (and an anachronistic touch of disco, as has been my tendency lately).
Main menu music from Spooky Sushi, a VR game jam game.
In this track I decided to play with the idea of having the same simple looping melody that repeats while being recontextualized by the changing chords underneath it.
The composite soundtrack for Magnolia’s Early Morning Walk, a short game done for a game jam.
The different sections of this piece are the short looping motifs for the various scenes in the intended game, with different emotional variations on two overall themes that represent the protagonist’s state of mind.
This is another track that I composed Just Because. I was treading on the edge of consciousness and then this just popped into my head. I tend to write a lot of my music that way.
Diana’s character theme song from Full Course.
Diana was meant to be a very posh, aristocratic person with refined tastes, and this is the music that popped into my head based on that description.
Sometimes I compose music just for the heck of it. This is one of those songs that just kinda popped into my head and I had to make it.
Music made for the obligatory underwater level of an abandoned game jam prototype.
There are a few game jams where I regularly sign up to make a lot of music for others, and usually err on the side of making too much because more often than not, the music I make ends up going unused in the jam itself. It’s always a little disappointing when that happens, but at least it gives me more music to release later.
Caroline’s date scene from Full Course.
The idea I had for Full Course’s soundtrack was that each character would have a musical theme and a style, and different situations would cause one theme to play in another one’s style. I had decided that the dating scenes would be in the style of cheezy lounge jazz.
I also had started a jazz version of “Water to Wine,” Morgan’s theme, to represent their inner thoughts when alone in the restaurant, and I planned on completing it for this album, but without the impetus of completing the game it felt a bit gratuitous.
Caroline’s character theme from Full Course.
Caroline was to have an interesting story arc, and was going to have two character theme songs because of one of her traits. This particular song is for her extrovert mode (“Candy”), and was inspired by modern anime music. Its working title was “Every Anime Themesong.”
She also had an introvert mode, “Strawberry,” although I never started work on that theme before the game was canceled.
The main theme from Full Course, a canceled visual novel project.
In this game you would have played Morgan, a young adult who experiences multiple mental health challenges, and also “sees” other people as various foods befitting their personalities. This theme song is also Morgan’s theme, and was going to have several variations based on different moods and situations.
Prototype battle theme made for an abandoned, untitled Pokémon fangame.
If I had a nickel for every time someone wanted me to make battle theme music for a Pokémon fan game for a game jam and then disappeared on me without apparently having even started to make the game, I’d have ten cents, which isn’t a lot of money, but it’s annoying that it happened twice.
A looping background motif for an augmented art installation.
I composed a prototype of this while playing with a Sawbench, a minimal MIDI-controlled analog synthesizer, and eventually repurposed it for the art piece, making it a bit more ambient in the process.
People keep comparing it to Boards of Canada, which seems like a band I need to actually listen to someday.
A lo-fi background music track for a series of videos by the Trans Academy.
This is the primary “logo” motif of the Trans Academy, with my favorite gimmick of using an evolving chord progression to recontextualize the simple motif in different ways.
An alternate soundtrack for Magnolia’s Early Morning Walk.
This was done as a prototype while trying to figure out the right mood for the game, and was not going to be used in the game itself as it didn’t end up fitting the vibe. I still like it, though.
The screeching “synth” sound for the second half (the “walkies” section) is a guitar whose strings are being excited by electromagnetic coupling with an eBow. It’s a great sound and I don’t get to use it in my music very much.
An extended/enhanced version of the battle theme from Deck of Desire, an extremely NSFW card trading game.
In the original game there was a much shorter version of this song, in both chiptune and symphonic versions, as well as a bunch of other music. The game itself has been essentially abandoned as a “prototype” (despite having been very popular, and still tops my download analytics on itch.io years later!), but I had some ideas about how to expand the soundtrack into a full musical experience.
Maybe someday.
Paige’s character theme song from Full Course.
The request for Paige’s theme from the game’s creator was that it should be “That Distant Shore” from Steven Universe, which I took to mean being a nice gentle bossa nova tune where you can relax while swaying in the breeze.
Gameplay music from Spooky Sushi, a VR game jam game.
In this game you play the part of a conveyor sushi restaurant waiter, and must quickly tally up the bill for patrons based on the colors of their plates. I was trying to evoke the feeling of having to juggle several things at once while being simultaneously single-minded about it.
#CD #GameJams #GamesMadeQuick #OST #Disco #Rock #Instrumental ]]>Music made for the 8th Strawberry Jam game jam.
This is one of the soundtracks from Bouncing Bazoingas, a silly game about bouncing things into holes.
This is one of the soundtracks from Bouncing Bazoingas, a silly game about bouncing things into holes.
#GameJams #OST #StrawberryJam #LoFi #Instrumental ]]>Usually I do a whole album in a month for Novembeat but this year I was dealing with some annoying physical and mental health issues so I took it easy this time around and just made some small video game soundtracks. But what happens, happens, and some music is better than no music.
Also I’m not pretending to be a whole band this time. Sorry for breaking the illusion. It’s just me.
This is the background music from Snack Stacker.
A preparation song from the game Pawmune
#CD #GameJams #Novembeat #OST #SeattleIndiesSlowJam #Classical #Folk #Jazz #Instrumental ]]>Music made for some game jam games among other things.
Soundtrack for a game jam game
An attempt at making a bunch of background music for video games that may or may not exist.
These are available as loopable game assets
OST for a game done for Global Game Jam 2022.
My fifth annual song-a-day expression for Novembeat.
You don’t go places that you used to You don’t enjoy the stories that you’re used to You can’t stand anyone you’re introduced to Sitting home alone is what you’ve been reduced to
Something happened long ago inside you Now it’s back, your life won’t be the same All of the signposts that used to guide you Got pulled up by something, don’t know when it came
But change is coming It’s funny and it’s faint Yes change is coming With noses thumbing Oh, change it is coming The running refrain So humming and strange Our upcoming change
Your friends they act like they don’t recognize you And all these parts they say now that comprise you They preferred the skin that once disguised you So hard to shake the thought, that they all now despise you
But change is coming It’s funny and it’s faint Yes, change is coming With noses thumbing, oh Change it is coming The running refrain So humming and strange Our upcoming change
The you that you are now’s the only you you are You can’t go back to who you once were before Got no choice, you gotta be true to who you are Genie won’t go back inside that bottle any more
Yes change, change is coming It’s funny and still faint More change, change is coming So I’m succumbing to What you’re becoming like an Oncoming train It’s humming and strange This upcoming change
We just don’t know If it’s gonna be all right We cannot know When it’ll be all right We gotta know That it’ll be alright I just don’t know When it’ll be all right
When it’ll be all right
We’re gonna know When it’ll be all right We’re gonna show When everything’s alright Don’t know where to go When everything’s alright But we’re gonna know That it’ll be alright
It’ll be all right
Music courtesy of the itty bitty ditty committee.
Don’t let the door hit you on your way out We all know you are going to just scream and shout Take it back to Twitter with your remaining clout, don’t let the door hit you on your way out
At least half of the nation is so sick of you You are so much worse than the “just a flu” Nobody cares what you’re going to do, don’t let the door hit you on your way out
The past four years have been a tragedy And we have a long way to go we can all see To get a better world for you and me Well maybe not for you
Don’t let the door hit you on your way out We’re better off without you without a doubt Twitter says they’ll ban you so just quietly pout, and let the door hit you on your way out
in 2018 i tried to do my usual thing but i got busy and only made it halfway
A sort of sequel to Pawn Shop Bunny.
i don’t know what your problem is but i think you might be right no i don’t know what your problem is but i think you might be right
This album represents a return to our roots as an electronica and experimental band. Not a permanent reversion, of course; just think of it as a vacation to the homeland.
It also is was slowly being turned into a series of video games, although that project is on indefinite hiatus.
In my house In my house What is this person that I do not think I know Doing in my house
In my house In my house He must have snuck in through the bedroom door Living like a mouse
He says he is my husband I’ve never seen him before He knows everything about me I’ll have to show him the door
Not my spouse He’s not my spouse I think I would remember having brought him Into my house
It’s my house He’s in my house Why is this person laughing right at me Sitting in my house
So many pictures of us together The room is starting to blur He says he’s beginning to worry about me But I just can’t be sure I can’t be sure
In my house In my house What is this person that I do not know Doing in my house
Originally composed for Project Imperative, which was meant to be a multiplayer Pong in which the rules change every 20 seconds. This ended up not really happening during the original jam, but I revisited the idea when using it as the first track of the game album.
This song came to me in a dream about love and loss and growing up.
I didn’t know this song was about having undiagnosed ADHD when I wrote it, because it was not yet diagnosed.
I’ve been told this one’s super relatable, on that note.
Your head is in the cloud You don’t know who you are Try to do everything you can Spread yourself too far
Everything that you want to know How to come undone Boiling over, time to kill In the frozen sun
Everything that we used to know Has a zero sum Ice cubes in the goldfish bowl Where we’ve come undone
Nerves of tissue, lung of steel Sleep until we’re dead Warm the soul with antifreeze A frozen mind instead
1 2 4 5 10 20 25 50 100 125 250 500
hello, hello hello, hello hello, hello hello, hello hello, hello (hello) goodbye
two times two times five times five times five two times two times five times five times five two times two times five times five times five five times two times five times two times five
Originally composed for a game soundtrack.
#CD #GameJams #GlobalGameJam #OST #SongFight #Vinyl #Popular #Ambient #EDM #Ambient #Electronic #Electropop #Instrumental #Lyrical ]]>A short album originally released in 2014. Contains songs about stuff, and also things.
where does the time all go I’m sitting waiting ‘round for you it’s the only life I know I feel like there’s nothing to do these are the themes
and then I get a friend you tell me that she’s there for me that really does depend on everything she does to me these are the themes of my life
you feed and treat me well at least whenever you’re around though I can never tell how late you’re gonna come around these are the themes of my life
and now I’m old and grey Decisions being made for me I hope that I can stay I hope that I can stay These are the themes of my life These are the themes of my life
The last time I was abducted by aliens, they were very excited to meet me.
I came from a place where there were things that were not made from corn, but they loved corn quite a lot. They took me in their corn-shaped space ship and brought me to their planet which was covered in fields upon fields of corn, and when the people greeted me they were wearing corn hats and corn shirts made from corn silk, and when the little children smiled at me they had smiles of corn with little kernels for teeth. And the airplanes left behind corntrails of popcorn, which rained down from the sky all the time, and they ate this popcorn with a corn butter made from corn oil and sweetened with corn syrup. All the children ran in fields of corn while carrying their cornphones that connected them to cornputers, and all they ate was corn, corn, and corn. For protein they had corn nuts, and for dairy they had corn milk, and late at night they’d watch corny movies and standup cornedians making corny jokes, and when they wanted to screw they’d watch hard-corn cornography. This world had a whole lot of corn. But their corn ship had broken down and they couldn’t send me home, so this is where I still live to this day. It is the planet on which you and I and everyone else are. Everything is made from corn. Except the corn. That is made from trimethylsalicylide.
i’m feeling numb head banging drum where i come from, i’ll die another day
what happened to me setting myself free an absentee I’m turning away
I know I could be stronger Hold on a little longer Try not to fall in the water But I’ve heard enough
I just keep going faster Heading towards disaster Too late to stop me after I’ve heard enough
Too late for me So let me be We’ll just have to see how this all works out
What things may come I’m feeling dumb Gonna succumb To another doubt
I know I could be stronger Hold on a little longer Try not to fall in the water But I’ve heard enough
I just keep going faster Heading towards disaster Too late to stop me after I’ve heard enough
How hard I try I’m asking why staying dry for now i’m fine
too late, it’s done it’s time to run under the gun your life is on the line
I know I could be stronger Hold on a little longer Try not to fall in the water But I’ve heard enough
I just keep going faster Heading towards disaster Too late to stop me after I’ve heard enough
I know I could be stronger Hold on a little longer Try not to fall in the water But I’ve heard enough
I just keep going faster Heading towards disaster Too late to stop me after I’ve heard enough
I heard what the robot said I’m going back to bed ‘Cause I know if I don’t get enough sleep I’ll just be seein’ red
I think I’ll stay inside No reason not to hide Maybe if they don’t hear a peep They’ll think I already died
How we gonna get ourselves out of this one Why can’t they just go and shoot the moon Someone should do something about this terror from outer space I hope that this bad nightmare is ending soon
I heard what the robot said I’m going back to bed Seeing that big pneumatic drill Fills me up with dread
I just can’t stay inside Even if they think I died Smoking crater where it was my favorite hill Maybe it’s time to hide
How we gonna get ourselves out of this one Why’d they have to go and shoot the moon Someone should do something about this threat to the human race I hope that this bad nightmare is ending soon
I heard what the robot said I’m going back to bed ‘Cause I know if I don’t get enough sleep I’ll just be seein’ red
You started out thinking you were headin' for a revolution You got some friends together but it really got out of hand
Now you’re spending your nights singing songs in an institution And that’s what it’s like when you’re livin' in a traveling band
Another day ending It’s getting cold Tired of mending It’s getting old What have they done to me
Feel it drawing nearer I’m sick of this place I look in the mirror So sick of this face What have they done to me
she said she would go she said she would she said she would go
Smelling the flowers I’m floating in space I’ve been here for hours With a smile on my face What have they done to me
she said she would go she said she would she said she would go she said she would she said she would go she said she would
I’m sorry if I bothered you I don’t know what I’m gonna do I have to find myself a place to think
I know what I did was wrong I hoped that you would play along, At least that’s what I’m told by my new shrink
I should make it up to you, So let me know what I can do, It would help make me feel so tickled pink
Please don’t simply turn me down Rejection’s gonna make me frown I think that you should know I’m on the brink
I’m feeling dizzy, it happened again What do you think I should do This person out there, I don’t think it’s me All that I know, I need you
I’m sorry ‘bout your other friend, Reliable until the end; This has been something of a trend I see
And what about the other one, Who thought that it would be so fun To gas himself, it was so Bourgeoisie
It’s simply very puzzling, Why no one can go on living, When they meet you, it’s dizzying to see
I’m sorry 'bout the cyanide And the assisted suicide Oh look, another one has died
Not me!
I’m feeling dizzy, it happened again What do you think I should do That person out there is really not me I know that I know, I need you
I’m sorry but I have to run, It’s been nice, a lot of fun If someone asks, I wasn’t Here
I’m going out of town, I hope nobody drowns, I won’t be 'round but I’ll Be near
I’m feeling dizzy, it happened again What do you think I should do That person out there I hope is not me All that I know, I need you All that I know, I need you All that I wanted is you
#CD #SongFight #IndiePop #Rock #Lyrical ]]>This was the first album I released as “Sockpuppet,” and was made up mostly of music I’d done for Song Fight!, with most of the songs reworked and/or remastered.
What are you doing to me In the name of being free I never liked you But you ought to know
The things I hold dear you break Everything I try to make You only wanted destruction You reap what you sow
Come on, baby Just think, maybe You’re not the person That you think you are but instead
Just take one minute To see the limit Please understand there’s Nothing going on in your head
And then you did it again To try to impress your friends I don’t think they really like you I thought you should know
The things you’re doing to me To achieve immortality You only wanted attention But please let it go
Come on, baby Just think, maybe You’re not the person That you think you are but instead
Just take one minute To see the limit Please understand there’s Nothing going on in your head
What are you doing to me In the name of being free It is a pointless distraction But what do you know
Come on, baby Just think, maybe You’re not the person That you think you are but instead
Just take one minute To see the limit Please understand there’s Nothing going on in your head
Come on, baby Just think, maybe You’re not the person That you think you are but instead
Just take one minute To see the limit Please understand there’s Nothing going on in your head
She doesn’t disturb me Confuses, perturbs me She just wants to know me While living below me
I know what she can see A robber she fancies I don’t know what I mean A daughter in between
She doesn’t control me Doesn’t quite know me I know what I can see In transparency
I’m giving it my all But I’m heading for a fall When all that I can do Is run faster
For something less than I am worth As I tumble down to Earth But all that I can do Is run faster
Please listen to the way I feel I need to get some more time to heal My lungs are getting ready to explode I can’t run any faster
I get the feeling I should leave It’s getting harder to believe You don’t know what it is I’m going through I’m running faster
How can you tell me what to do If I am dead I will not see things through What you want isn’t easy done or said I’d like to see you run faster
I’ve given you my all But I’m ready for a fall When all you let me do Is run faster
I’ve given you my all But I’m ready for a fall When all you let me do Is run faster
I don’t think You know how to be good to me I don’t think You have time to be reminding I don’t think Anything you do is good enough And I think The time for us is wrong
I don’t think That I should listen to you anymore Everything You say to me always makes me snore Everyone Says I should not so quickly doubt you What I think It doesn’t matter now
I don’t think You will be here for me I don’t think You even know how You and me Were never meant to be together I don’t think The time for us is now
I don’t think You should be watching so much TV It’s a thing You do too much and always every Thing I see Is nothing that can be too good for you I don’t think You remember what’s right
I don’t think You know how to be good to me I don’t think You have time to be reminding I don’t think Anything you do is good enough And I think The time for us is wrong
Standing on a stage where I’m rhyming with Lucia I have to admit that this wasn’t my idea Having too much fun while drinking much tequila I’d rather have coffee though
Watching her go with you, falling on the weekends Buy a new skirt made of edible sequins Wading through the pond, sitting down where it deepens Where do you want to go?
I’m feeling fine Taking time, try to rhyme She used to be trouble-free Can you see?
Standing on a lake is not such a good venue When it is cold food that we have on the menu Everyone tired of doing what we can do Please don’t let her down
When you have a friend, you never want to see them Hanging out to dry in a mausoleum You want them to simply carpe diem It is too late now
She came to me She will be set free What I mean, what I seen She had been in between
I’m feeling fine Taking time, try to rhyme She used to be trouble-free Can you see?
I’m feeling fine Taking time, try to rhyme She used to be trouble-free
I have a bad cat He is very fat He sat on my hat And then he shat He dragged the hat All over my mat Then he ate a bat And made friends with a rat
I took this bad cat To the laundromat Where we had a spat About the theocrat He’s a diplomat For this crazy dingbat Sent us off to combat Like a copycat
He’s a bureaucrat And a total asshat Shut down the laundromat Because he overheard chit-chat An aristocrat And a cosmocrat He’s a pornocrat Such a total prat
So I took this bad cat Back to my flat Gave up on the hat Dumped it with the mat We had a little chat He’d have nothing of that But I gave him a pat ‘Cuz he’s my pussycat
Wrapped up in a padded room Feels like I am in a tomb It reminds me of my mother’s womb And it leaves me time for thinking
Been this way since sometime in June Someone caught me howling at the moon Hoping that I can get out soon But this ship just might be sinking
Oh, I could use a little convalescence Oh, I need some convalescence
Shotgun shot in the dead of night Can’t sleep cuz the dark is way too bright See myself heading right for the light I guess I have been drinking
No idea how long I’ve been here Something ‘bout this place a little queer My mind is missing one more gear Little lightbulb blinking
Oh, I could use a little convalescence Oh, I need some convalescence
Oh, i could use a little convalescence Oh, how I need some convalescence
Wrapped up in a padded room Feels like I am in a tomb It reminds me of my mother’s womb And it leaves me time for thinking
There’s something in my eye But I feel like I could fly A bright light came to me in a dream Skies of pink, clouds tangerine
Everything I do or see or think Depends upon the stuff I drink
I think that it is killing me Everytime I take a sip of tea The stuff of dreams it fills in the seams Bright shiny lights inside my dreams
I cannot think without a drink or three But I feel it surrounding me
I could quit but that will not do Another dose for me and you
I grew up in the desert Dry air always made my eyes hurt Ran around with nowhere to go When I really wanted there to be snow Almost never got it in the desert
My mind made up I tried to move away But everywhere I got I couldn’t stay
I grew up in the desert All the people I knew they made my mind hurt
I went somewhere else got on a plane I wanted to get my five minutes of fame Everything I did I needed gin or ginseng I ran faster to get more of the same
I will always be from the desert No matter what, you’re covered in dirt
Where I’m living now there’s plenty of rain And everything I know is ijust more of the same Someday I might go back to where from I came
I grew up in the desert
There’s a house in my head A flea in my bed Everything I know is coming up red And the flea in my bed Is asking me why When I walk on water How I stay dry
I think It’s something to do with how I think My life isn’t mine somehow I try To be the best I can be I need To try to love me
There’s a house in my head A flea in my bed Everyone I know will someday be dead And the flea in my bed Is telling me why I feel these things like I wanna die
Everything I do I do it for you, but Nothing I do Seems to come through, so I think I need time alone, because I think My pain is my own
There’s a house in my head A flea in my bed Everything I know is coming up red And the flea in my bed Is asking me why When I walk on water How I stay dry
You’re lying awake in bed Something happens in your head You’re not sure if you’re alone Somewhere, somebody moans Voices that you hear take your breath away
You’re not sure what you see It keeps you in captivity An alien, a parasite Torturing you through the night You wake up and everything seems okay
The reticular activating system Controls if the nerve impulse reaches your hands Like an engine with a misfiring piston Things go out of whack You have a panic attack And the night terror seems so real you cannot stand
Serotonin overload Somewhere in your frontal lobe Dopamine suppression is to Always keep you guessing Hippocampus shouldn’t be on call
The brain is running like clockwork In a mechanical Turk Systems poorly factored and they’re Cheaply manufactured It’s a wonder anything works at all
And the reticular activating system Controls if the nerve impulse reaches your hands Like an engine with a misfiring piston Things go out of whack You have a panic attack And the night terror seems so real you cannot stand
And the reticular activating system Controls if the nerve impulse reaches your hands Like an engine with a misfiring piston Things go out of whack You have a panic attack And the night terror seems so real you cannot stand
#CD #SongFight #Country #Electrocountry #Electropop #IndieRock #Rock #Lyrical ]]>