I really liked Stranger Things, or at least its soundtrack.
feeling like drowning, no escape
The dark days were getting to me. The depression was getting to me. On Black Friday weekend I upgraded to KOMPLETE 11 and decided to play around with some of its presets. This came out.
Back in the early days of Song Fight! there was an occasional contributor who entered under the name Mouth Reliant. I felt like doing a tribute to his style for some reason.
I took a little trip down to my platonic cuddle-buddy’s home and I composed this while lying on his lap. It was nice.
I didn’t have the energy to clean my home but I made a piano-and-cello tune to help me clean myself, at least.
Pachelbel’s Canon is the bane of every cellist’s existence.
I attempted to self-medicate my ongoing depression with some THC.
I may have used a little too much.
Hello, the Internet Hello, the Internet Hello, the Internet Hello, the Internet
At this point I was just completely falling apart, due to basically going through menopause and feeling worthless, useless, and futureless.
I had been without hormones for a week and a half and my emotions were all over the place. Everything would set me off and I would cry and I was not in a good spot. So I wrote this thing to capture my feelings.
The lack of hormones was really starting to get to me. Constantly tired, constantly struggling to wake up in the morning, but this music project kept me going.
Met up with some friends at a coffee shop, took up way too much table space while I composed this attempt at making something Lemon Jelly-esque.
It seems like every album of mine these days needs at least one semi-algorithmically-generated weird-time-signature experimentation.
And Werner just wouldn’t shut the heck up while I made it so I decided to record him meowing.
Oh and there’s scissors for percussion.
A little scrap I had lying around, which was begging for a fuller orchestration.
I started composing a tango song but it just wasn’t coming out very well. So I scrapped it and worked on a second take for the day.
Without HRT I was losing track of time and my mental state, and every day was running into each other. I wanted to be kind to myself after my near-death experience but I also wanted to be productive. And everything felt the same as everything else.
The first song I wrote on this day was not very good, but then I was noodling around and came up with this better song. It made me think of a wood elf in a forest grove or something.
I was spending way, way too much time reading Twitter instead of doing anything productive. The senseless repetitive noise of everything around me was more than I could take.
I was feeling aimless from my recent health issues, and felt like nothing was going anywhere and nothing was worth doing anymore.
The pain from the previous four days turned out to be due to a clot in my leg that was growing rapidly, and part of it broke off and went to my lungs, giving me a pulmonary embolism. Because of the clot I had to cease taking my HRT and start taking blood thinners. I was told I may not be able to get back on HRT ever again.
I was happy to still be alive but not looking forward to the impending hormonal crisis.
But I am still around, and defiantly making music.
I woke up barely able to breathe, and went to the hospital.
It was an embolism, from a DVT in my leg that threw off a clot.
I composed this track from a hospital bed, using GarageBand on my phone.
My leg was still hurting. Really, really bad. And I was starting to have a pain in my shoulder as well. The pain was getting to be unbearable. So I wrote this track that captured the agony I was in.