He was an openly gay man in his 50s. I was a mostly-closeted trans gal in my 20s. I was open to him. He was supportive.
He claimed he’d had a hard life, and had many stories to tell. Most of them reeked of bullshit to me. I’m not sure how much was true.
He’d become infatuated with me, and wanted to talk up my “brilliant mind.” I always felt like he was trying to coerce me into a relationship with him.
He would often send me letters to this effect.
This song isn’t about what happened between us, but it was certainly inspired by it.
I don’t know what’s become of him. We did briefly cross paths in a YouTube comment thread, of all the odd places, and I invited him to reconnect, but nothing happened from that.
I hope he’s doing well and that he’s found the love that he needs.
I got your letter Addressed to me Don’t know why you sent it It’s such a mystery
You said you’re broken Trying to hide Asked me how I’m doing, said you’re Burning up inside
You tell a story A lover in the past You say you think this time will be different That we will last
I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be
Another letter You talk of dreams Seeing us together And everything’s serene
Another story How everything was wrong Until the day you met me, how I’m Wonderful and strong
I think you should know It’s hard on me The love you think you have is just a Cause of misery
Another letter The paper splattered red By the time I read this you think That you might be dead
You said you loved me Why did I lead you on I’m pretty sure I didn’t want your Melancholy song
I call your lover She says you’re doing fine She told me that you said to tell me, “Please stay on the line”
I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to ever tell me How you think this is meant to be
You say you’re sorry For acting such a fool But can we still be friends if it would Not be cold and cruel
I say I’m sorry I never wanted you The image that you had of me was Anything but true
You say you’re sorry We share a quiet shame I’m sorry if you wanted me I just don’t feel the same
Back in 2003, when this song was originally written, it was considered “okay” and “funny” to dox and harass trans people. And if it happened to someone, clearly it was their fault for being trans and not being 100% perfect at keeping their private information private.
Ask me how I know.
In the midst of getting dozens of harassing phone calls, random evangelists being sent to my door hearing I’d “found Jesus,” and being added to dozens of religious mailing lists, I was, as you might expect, pretty tired and grumpy.
And the people around me thought it was just a joke, or my fault for being trans. What could I expect from society, because of this “choice” I “made?”
And meanwhile, being largely in the closet in person, I couldn’t even share that this was going on with most people around me. They could see that I was stressed, but as usual, leaned hard on toxic positivity nonsense, telling me that I needed to cheer up and that things weren’t so bad.
Sometimes you just need to wallow and hide, and sometimes it’s okay to tell people to fuck right off, especially when they refuse to get it.
The original version of this song was a lot angrier, and also only had three chords. It was one of the first songs to be selected for remixing on Remix Fight (a long-gone side project from a bunch of Song Fight! people), and I was fortunate enough to have the song be remixed by Victor “fourstones” Stone, who would later go on to found ccMixter. I had actually forgotten all about that until a few days before I started on this track (and had no idea how I was going to handle this song) and his remix came up in my playlist, and one of the changes he made to the chord progression gave me the inspiration I needed to complete my new arrangement.
So, thank you, Victor, wherever you are.
Oh, it’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase the clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want the rain to wash my tears away
Don’t want you coming here, try to change my mind You don’t know just how I feel, I feel I’m feeling fine You don’t know what it’s like, living in my brain It’s not the things you think that keep me in this pain
Today is just another sunny day Why don’t you go and chase some fucking clouds away I don’t want to come outside and play today I just want the rain to wash my tears away
I’m being eaten at, attacked from every side They smack me down, want me to drown, and take me for a ride You want to make me think it isn’t them it’s me It will not work, don’t be a jerk, I know how it should be
Oh it’s just another sunny day I wish the clouds could come and stay, for that I pray Please just leave me alone and go away Don’t want to see you now, just leave me alone today
I know it seems I’m on the edge of something bad You scream and shout that I’m “flipping out,” you’re just making me mad I’m the one who’s fine, it’s everyone else who’s insane But people suck, I’m out of luck, I just can’t play the game
Oh, it’s just another sunny day Please let me be, don’t bother me today (please bother me) I’m sick of you trying to chase my clouds away (chase my clouds away) I just want you to go the fuck away
It’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase my clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want you to stay
I wrote this song in response to a well-meaning but clueless friend who saw I was suffering and would tell me I should “just cheer up.”
“Just cheer up” won’t make me less depressed.
“Just cheer up” won’t solve my anxiety.
“Just cheer up” won’t fix my chronic pain.
“Just cheer up” won’t take away my stressors.
“Just cheer up” won’t stop the world from hating me just for being me.
Fuck toxic positivity.
Anyway I think it was pretty bold of me to rhyme “up” with “up.” Those are the kinds of innovative lyrical ideas that normally only come with decades of experience.
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright?
Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady, though, Alright, alright?
I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright?
Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I get your point already Alright, alright?
Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking, I am hanging up Your cheer isn’t helping me feel any more All right, alright?
Don’t you even try To think that I Just need to have it pointed out that It’ll be alright
Metaphorically I I just wanna die Or at least have the world go away Until I am alright
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright!
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright
This was my second attempt at recording this song for an album.
It did not go well.
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright
Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is just another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady though Alright, alright
I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright
Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I get your point already Alright, alright
Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking I am hanging up Your cheer isn’t making me anymore Alright, alright
Metaphorically I I just wanna die Or at least have the world go away until I am alright
I don’t need this kind of attention Please don’t show me your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be
You tell a story How everything was wrong Until the day you met me, how I’m Wonderful and strong
You said you love me Why did I lead you on I’m pretty sure I didn’t want your Melancholy song
You say you’re sorry You hang your head in shame I’m sorry if you wanted me I just don’t feel the same
This is one of my first Song Fight! songs that I decided to try rerecording for an album, after I’d bought a cheap used four-track audio interface to try to improve my recording process.
Okay, um… hello?
This program is a… h’LOooOOoo This program is a piece of shit But it came free with my, uh, USB audio… interface… thing… So I’m not complaining too much
Okay, okay
Let’s uh, try this again
Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady, though Alright, alright
Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop… if you don’t stop talking I…
the fuck? Okay
Your voice is getting me twisted up
Damn it I can play this just fine when I’m not recording Yes I’m being “chatty”
Okay
Things aren’t always going to go my way But tomorrow is another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady, though Alright, alright
Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking I am hanging up Your cheerfulness isn’t making me anymore Alright, alright
Don’t you even try To think that I Just need to have it pointed out that It… it’ll be alright
THANK YOU Hopefully it’ll save the whole fucking file this time Just, okay Just wanna make sure It’s gonna save the whole thing Okay
I wrote this song the night after I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, based on the then-current understanding of the condition (before new research showed that it’s actually an autoimmune condition), and also about my long-time frustration with just how people who don’t experience chronic pain talk to people who do.
Every day I’m just a little older I feel a little twinge up in my shoulder Icing up my limbs until they’re colder Reduce the burning pain into a smolder
I’ve got fibromyalgia I’ve got fibromyalgia I feel a lot of pain but it’s Mostly in my brain I have Fibromyalgia
I’ve got Fibromyalgia Fibromyalgia There’s something in my brain that makes me Sensitive to pain I’ve got Fibromyalgia
Well I think it’s pretty nice To eat turmeric and rice With a spicy Indian curry
And I get so much advice And I’ve heard it once or twice About swimming and Pilates and so much yoga (You should swim do Pilates and so much yoga!)
Fibromyalgia, I’ve got Fibromyalgia It’s excruciating pain That comes from my defective brain I’ve got fibromyalgia
I was feeling aimless from my recent health issues, and felt like nothing was going anywhere and nothing was worth doing anymore.
This was a song composed when I had new neighbors moving in upstairs. They were loud all day, and then they were loud all night, and their bed was right over my computer.
Nice guys otherwise, though.
I think you ought to know I haven’t slept in days It seems I’m spending my time Wandering in a haze They say that patience is the opposite of sin But it’s wearing thin
When I close my eyes I Only see my fears This is the worst time I Remember in years Everything I know is In the rubbish bin I just cannot win
Everywhere I turn I Hear this thumping sound Even lying down I’m not on steady ground I hope that in a few days I’ll be sleeping in These walls are paper thin
I have a bad cat He is very fat He sat on my hat And then he shat He dragged the hat All over my mat Then he ate a bat And made friends with a rat
I took this bad cat To the laundromat Where we had a spat About the theocrat He’s a diplomat For this crazy dingbat Sent us off to combat Like a copycat
He’s a bureaucrat And a total asshat Shut down the laundromat Because he overheard chit-chat An aristocrat And a cosmocrat He’s a pornocrat Such a total prat
So I took this bad cat Back to my flat Gave up on the hat Dumped it with the mat We had a little chat He’d have nothing of that But I gave him a pat ‘Cuz he’s my pussycat