I took a bit of a break from Song Fight!, because I was getting frustrated both with some of the aspects of the community, but also with how my missteps kept on causing me to activate interpersonal landmines.

I was trying so hard to be helpful but never stopped to think whether what I was doing was actually helpful.

And at the same time I had a lot of insecurity about my skills as a musician.

And at the same time I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do in terms of gender and transition and so on, and I was getting very little support from most of the people around me, especially folks in Song Fight!.

The term “nonbinary” didn’t exist as far as I’m aware in 2003, but that’s what part of this song is about: not feeling like I fit in to either category, and needing to be happy with just being me.

Lyrics: Fool in the Middle

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Not so bad but not so good I don’t do all the things that I should I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Everything I do makes it worse Just a speck in the universe Have I been such a fool A fool in the middle

People always put me down But they say they like having me around And that makes me a bitter fool A fool in the middle

One side pink and one side blue Purple’s gonna have to do People can be very cruel when you’re Stuck in the middle

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Lyrics: Fool In The Middle [Song Fight!, 2003]

(One, two, three four)

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Not so bad but not so good I don’t do the things that I should I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Everything I do makes it worse Just a speck in the universe Have I been such a fool A fool in the middle

Everybody puts me down But they say they like having me around And that makes me a bitter fool A fool in the middle

One side pink and one side blue Purple’s gonna have to do People can be very cruel when you’re Stuck in the middle

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

I didn’t know this song was about having undiagnosed ADHD when I wrote it, because it was not yet diagnosed.

I’ve been told this one’s super relatable, on that note.

Lyrics: Adding Up To Nothing

Your head is in the cloud You don’t know who you are Try to do everything you can Spread yourself too far

Everything that you want to know How to come undone Boiling over, time to kill In the frozen sun

Everything that we used to know Has a zero sum Ice cubes in the goldfish bowl Where we’ve come undone

Nerves of tissue, lung of steel Sleep until we’re dead Warm the soul with antifreeze A frozen mind instead

Lyrics: Sometimes It’s Hard to Keep Yourself Moving

Wake up in the morning Before the alarm goes Trying to fall back to sleep Still in last night’s clothes Lying half awake, I still can’t get up when the beeping starts Why would I

Sleepwalk through the morning On the way to work That guy on the bicycle is Such a stupid jerk I think I should push him over Just to show him up But why would I

Sometimes it is very hard to keep yourself moving when it’s gone haywire

Monday morning meeting Going way too long Finished up my coffee but the coffee isn’t strong I feel like I need to sleep I need to keep moving but why would I

Tuesday PM meeting Life is way too short Everything I try to say cut off with a retort Why does this guy work here, he’s a jerk, here, I should shut him up why would I

Sometimes it is very hard to keep yourself moving when it’s all haywire

Oh, listen to me Think about the damage done How hard can it be Just to have a little fun

Wednesday morning dreary I get nothing done Thursday comes and Friday goes Still get nothing done I should reconsider my Career choice, find a new voice but Why would I

Sometimes it is very hard to keep yourself moving when it’s gone haywire

Lyrics: House In My Head

There’s a house in my head A flea in my bed Everything I know is coming up red And the flea in my bed Is asking me why When I walk on water How I stay dry

I think It’s something to do with how I think My life isn’t mine somehow I try To be the best I can be I need To try to love me

There’s a house in my head A flea in my bed Everyone I know will someday be dead And the flea in my bed Is telling me why I feel these things like I wanna die

Everything I do I do it for you, but Nothing I do Seems to come through, so I think I need time alone, because I think My pain is my own

There’s a house in my head A flea in my bed Everything I know is coming up red And the flea in my bed Is asking me why When I walk on water How I stay dry