Originally for Song Fight!, 2024

Song Fight! has been running for a long time; it started in 2000, making it an extremely old website by today’s standards, and it’s probably one of the first and is almost certainly now the longest-running songwriting communities on the Internet.

In 2024, the 1000th title was posted, “A Grand Parade,” and for this we all decided to dig up as many past participants as possible to try to get to 100 songs. We succeeded at this!

At one point I was entering under an alter-ego, <3, a vessel through which I was trying to express some gender-related stuff, and she was pretty popular. So for A Grand Parade I opted to bring her back for another song.

Lyrics: A Grand Parade

I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see It’s going to overwhelm and how You will not be very happy

The giant duck is gonna quack And the dogs are gonna bark in back And the Marshall of the big parade Doesn’t care if you feel safe

And the TV man is gonna say It is such a lovely sunny day And I know you want to go out and play But I want you to say inside

I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see Why not stay inside and meow? I just want you to be happy

The clowns will juggle and the bands will play And the noise will scare you far away So let’s stay cozy all the day Inside where we are safe

I do not think you will want to be Outside out there away from me So let’s just drink a cup of tea In the morning we will play

I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see I am feeling overwhelmed and I just want to be happy

My leg was hurting even more and my other cat wanted to get in on the action, so she wrote a song with me.

Lyrics: You’re Never Around

where does the time all go I’m sitting waiting ‘round for you it’s the only life I know I feel like there’s nothing to do these are the themes

and then I get a friend you tell me that she’s there for me that really does depend on everything she does to me these are the themes of my life

you feed and treat me well at least whenever you’re around though I can never tell how late you’re gonna come around these are the themes of my life

and now I’m old and grey Decisions being made for me I hope that I can stay I hope that I can stay These are the themes of my life These are the themes of my life

Lyrics: Bad Cat

I have a bad cat He is very fat He sat on my hat And then he shat He dragged the hat All over my mat Then he ate a bat And made friends with a rat

I took this bad cat To the laundromat Where we had a spat About the theocrat He’s a diplomat For this crazy dingbat Sent us off to combat Like a copycat

He’s a bureaucrat And a total asshat Shut down the laundromat Because he overheard chit-chat An aristocrat And a cosmocrat He’s a pornocrat Such a total prat

So I took this bad cat Back to my flat Gave up on the hat Dumped it with the mat We had a little chat He’d have nothing of that But I gave him a pat ‘Cuz he’s my pussycat