It was August 2004. I had just moved to New York City in July, and I had dreams of establishing myself as a musician and also finally transitioning and being able to be myself.

Turns out that “myself” is still just super introverted and socially anxious, and places like New York wear me down faster than they build me up.

Anyway the bit about “start a new family” was inspired by a stupid cishet-normative ad for life insurance that was plastered all over the subway at the time, about a mediocre man wanting to start a family and have two kids. In my take on it in the lyrics I never actually specify which part of the family I’d be taking, and I like to think that I’m just some sort of random factor that leads to a family being started without any continuing involvement of my own. Or maybe I’m the family pet. Who knows. This song is about random nerve firings that were going through my brain while sitting lonely on the subway and feeling isolated, and not about my actual aspirations.

This song always sort of felt like it would be the pivotal moment in a semi-fictional musical about my life, and I guess that in the end, that’s kind of what this album as a whole is.

This song would also be the second-to-last Song Fight! song I entered under the “band” name “fluffy porcupine.”

New York was, also, not the place for me, and a few months after first recording Run Faster (which was about my job situation in New York), I would end up moving to Seattle, and it was time to reinvent myself again. I experimented with a few different band names before finally settling on “Sockpuppet,” a reference to how many other names I’d been operating under, and how I am one person presenting myself as an entire ensemble.

In effect, this song marked the ending of one chapter in my life, and the beginning of the next. But my story is still being written, at least for now.

Lyrics: Five Minutes

Just like in a picture show I know where I want to go This is not the place for me And I’m moving on

There are people that I know In the place I want to go I can be what I wanna be I hope I’m not wrong

I think it’s time for me to get my five minutes of fame When I get there everybody will be so glad that I came It won’t be so long before everyone knows my name Without a doubt we’ll talk about the Things I never ever thought I’d Find someone to talk to about

Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This just seems so right for me It’s like I’m already gone

All the people that I know Tell me where I need to go In a day or two or three Nothing will be wrong

I think it’s time to start again with a brand new life Leave behind some of a past that has been filled with strife Start a new family, two kids, a husband, and a wife I sold my car I’m going far to Start again beginning friendship With five minutes left to the end

Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This is not the place for me Goodbye, and so long

Lyrics: Five Minutes [Song Fight!, 2004]

Just like in a picture show I know where I want to go This is not the place for me And I’m moving on

There are people that I know In the place I want to go I can be what I wanna be I hope I’m not wrong

I think it’s time for me to get my five minutes of fame When I get there everybody will be so glad that I came And it won’t be so long before everyone knows my name Without a doubt we’ll talk about the Things I never ever thought I’d Find someone to talk to about

Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go It just seems so right for me Like I’m already gone

All the people that I know Tell me where I need to go In a day or two or three Nothing will be wrong

It’s about time to start again with a brand new life Leave behind some of a past that has been filled with strife Start a new family, two kids, a husband, and a wife I sold my car I’m going far to Start again beginning friendship With five minutes left to the end

Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This is not the place for me Goodbye, and so long

This song is about me being super annoyed at the transphobia I was experiencing on the Song Fight! forums. I decided to turn it into a way-too-long jazz jam, which I mostly improvised in real-time (aside from the lyrics).

For the recording I used my Yamaha DD-50 drum machine for the backing track, and played my keyboard with the MIDI piped in through my SIDstation, and recorded both simultaneously while improvisationally changing the SIDstation’s patch and parameters.

I guess it’s okay. The “In a [time] or two or three” idea would eventually get reused for Five Minutes; this was basically a lyrical gimmick which I used to mean “eventually, hopefully soon, possibly never.”

It did eventually become the case that I have to sit down to pee, though.

Lyrics: Listen Close [Song Fight, 2001]

Listen close, close to me I’m changing can’t you see In a year or two or three No one will recognize me

I know your point of view Knows not how this can be true But the demographics I skew Don’t care about what I do

Listen close, close to me This is not some malarkey I’m the door and you the key Please try to unlock me

You can see the way I move In every way I groove For you it would behoove Of this change to approve

Listen close, close to me I am changing, can’t you see In a year or two or three I’ll have to sit down to pee

I know your point of view Knows not what I’m going through But the demographics that I skew Don’t care about what I do

Listen close, close to me This is not some malarkey I’m the door and you the key Please unlock me Unlock me Unlock me Unlock meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Eeeeeeeee

[7 minutes of aimless jamming later…]

Listen close, close to me This is not some malarkey I’m the door and you the key Please try to unlock me

Listen close, close to me I’m changing, can’t you see In a year or two or three No one will recognize me

Listen

Originally for Song Fight!, 2022

This title went up when the Roe v. Wade reversal took place, and was a reference to the material change in constitutional law that had just taken place. Plenty of other people wrote songs about politics, so I felt okay with taking the title a bit more literally.

This song is dedicated to my friend Beltrami, who is featured alongside me in the cover art. May we someday cross paths in this reality, too.

Lyrics: Material Change

Reupholster me into leather or pleather Make me watertight for every kind of weather Wouldn’t I be nice made of plush or of ice You have my permission, don’t have to ask twice

Take me apart and use me as a toy Make my only purpose to bring people joy Polish me up and make me shiny and clean I’m your willing servant, please be my new queen

Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go

Look me in the eyes and turn me into stone Chisel me down and sit on me as a throne Make this second skin someplace I can begin Reshape me into something with a dorsal fin

Carve me out of wood, make me a work of art Paint me with pictures of my old broken heart Please do not forget what I used to be And please don’t forget to always love me

Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go

Reupholster me it would bring me such pleasure Make me into a pooltoy for bright sunny weather Wear me like a costume so that you can be me Make all of my decisions so I can be free

You took me apart and used me as a toy I can’t remember if I was a girl or boy Please do not forget what I used to be And please don’t forget to always love me

Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go Oh woh

A song about getting away from yourself for a bit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OavIAgVHi-A

Lyrics: Change Is Coming

You don’t go places that you used to You don’t enjoy the stories that you’re used to You can’t stand anyone you’re introduced to Sitting home alone is what you’ve been reduced to

Something happened long ago inside you Now it’s back, your life won’t be the same All of the signposts that used to guide you Got pulled up by something, don’t know when it came

But change is coming It’s funny and it’s faint Yes change is coming With noses thumbing Oh, change it is coming The running refrain So humming and strange Our upcoming change

Your friends they act like they don’t recognize you And all these parts they say now that comprise you They preferred the skin that once disguised you So hard to shake the thought, that they all now despise you

But change is coming It’s funny and it’s faint Yes, change is coming With noses thumbing, oh Change it is coming The running refrain So humming and strange Our upcoming change

The you that you are now’s the only you you are You can’t go back to who you once were before Got no choice, you gotta be true to who you are Genie won’t go back inside that bottle any more

Yes change, change is coming It’s funny and still faint More change, change is coming So I’m succumbing to What you’re becoming like an Oncoming train It’s humming and strange This upcoming change

Video: Change Is Coming

Lyrics: Better Than Before

Another day ending It’s getting cold Tired of mending It’s getting old What have they done to me

Feel it drawing nearer I’m sick of this place I look in the mirror So sick of this face What have they done to me

she said she would go she said she would she said she would go

Smelling the flowers I’m floating in space I’ve been here for hours With a smile on my face What have they done to me

she said she would go she said she would she said she would go she said she would she said she would go she said she would

Lyrics: All Tan

Why do we all have to be tan? Different shades of a single master plan It is all so boring Baby I am snoring Why do we all have to be tan

Black and white and zebra stripes! Red and green would be so keen! Purple blues and other hues! These shades of tan just will not do!

If I were a genetic engineer I’d do what I could to bring it here Discrimination would be undone If everyone were the only one

Why do we all have to be tan And just a woman or a man Neither both or something in between I think that would be pretty keen but Everyone is just… tan

Paisley plaid and polka dot! Colors patterns are so hot! Sure we could all get tattoos But if I did it why would you?

If my idea were everyday Of course my plea would go away But other creatures can all have it So we’re unique on this planet?

Why do we all have to be tan? Different shades of a single master plan It is all so boring Baby I am snoring, oh Why do we all have to be tan

Lyrics: Baby, Be Quiet

She doesn’t disturb me Confuses, perturbs me She just wants to know me While living below me

I know what she can see A robber she fancies I don’t know what I mean A daughter in between

She doesn’t control me Doesn’t quite know me I know what I can see In transparency