I took a bit of a break from Song Fight!, because I was getting frustrated both with some of the aspects of the community, but also with how my missteps kept on causing me to activate interpersonal landmines.

I was trying so hard to be helpful but never stopped to think whether what I was doing was actually helpful.

And at the same time I had a lot of insecurity about my skills as a musician.

And at the same time I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do in terms of gender and transition and so on, and I was getting very little support from most of the people around me, especially folks in Song Fight!.

The term “nonbinary” didn’t exist as far as I’m aware in 2003, but that’s what part of this song is about: not feeling like I fit in to either category, and needing to be happy with just being me.

Lyrics: Fool in the Middle

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Not so bad but not so good I don’t do all the things that I should I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Everything I do makes it worse Just a speck in the universe Have I been such a fool A fool in the middle

People always put me down But they say they like having me around And that makes me a bitter fool A fool in the middle

One side pink and one side blue Purple’s gonna have to do People can be very cruel when you’re Stuck in the middle

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Lyrics: Fool In The Middle [Song Fight!, 2003]

(One, two, three four)

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Not so bad but not so good I don’t do the things that I should I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Everything I do makes it worse Just a speck in the universe Have I been such a fool A fool in the middle

Everybody puts me down But they say they like having me around And that makes me a bitter fool A fool in the middle

One side pink and one side blue Purple’s gonna have to do People can be very cruel when you’re Stuck in the middle

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

An alternate soundtrack for Magnolia’s Early Morning Walk.

This was done as a prototype while trying to figure out the right mood for the game, and was not going to be used in the game itself as it didn’t end up fitting the vibe. I still like it, though.

The screeching “synth” sound for the second half (the “walkies” section) is a guitar whose strings are being excited by electromagnetic coupling with an eBow. It’s a great sound and I don’t get to use it in my music very much.

Game: Magnolia’s Early Morning Walk

The composite soundtrack for Magnolia’s Early Morning Walk, a short game done for a game jam.

The different sections of this piece are the short looping motifs for the various scenes in the intended game, with different emotional variations on two overall themes that represent the protagonist’s state of mind.

Game: Magnolia’s Early Morning Walk

This song was written for Song Fight! Live 2020, and I don’t think people got the joke that it was a song about how 2020 was going to have been so much better than 2019 was.

(For those reading this from the distant future: It very much wasn’t.)

Lyrics: Better Luck Next Year

This year had its challenges All my flowers dead, my pain got worse, my brain got worse, there’s something wrong with my head

What happened to my career, it didn’t go my way Things feel bad, and I’m in fear I won’t live another day

oh, it can only get better oh, I know it will get better

we see the rise of fascists who think many lives don’t matter a president who’s on the brink, only cares to be flattered

where can our people go from here it all just seems too much famine devastation fear we need a human touch

oh, it can only get better oh, I know it will get better

but it wasn’t all so bad some of it was swell remember all the good times we had Song Fight! Live went well

We take the hand we have been dealt this year’s problems were a-plenty 2019 really smelt, so here’s to 2020

oh, it can only get better oh, I know it will get better oh, it can only get better oh, I know it will get better

Video: Better Luck Next Year

A song about getting away from yourself for a bit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OavIAgVHi-A

Lyrics: Change Is Coming

You don’t go places that you used to You don’t enjoy the stories that you’re used to You can’t stand anyone you’re introduced to Sitting home alone is what you’ve been reduced to

Something happened long ago inside you Now it’s back, your life won’t be the same All of the signposts that used to guide you Got pulled up by something, don’t know when it came

But change is coming It’s funny and it’s faint Yes change is coming With noses thumbing Oh, change it is coming The running refrain So humming and strange Our upcoming change

Your friends they act like they don’t recognize you And all these parts they say now that comprise you They preferred the skin that once disguised you So hard to shake the thought, that they all now despise you

But change is coming It’s funny and it’s faint Yes, change is coming With noses thumbing, oh Change it is coming The running refrain So humming and strange Our upcoming change

The you that you are now’s the only you you are You can’t go back to who you once were before Got no choice, you gotta be true to who you are Genie won’t go back inside that bottle any more

Yes change, change is coming It’s funny and still faint More change, change is coming So I’m succumbing to What you’re becoming like an Oncoming train It’s humming and strange This upcoming change

Video: Change Is Coming

This day didn’t go so well, so I was looking forward to a better one.

I didn’t know this song was about having undiagnosed ADHD when I wrote it, because it was not yet diagnosed.

I’ve been told this one’s super relatable, on that note.

Lyrics: Adding Up To Nothing

Your head is in the cloud You don’t know who you are Try to do everything you can Spread yourself too far

Everything that you want to know How to come undone Boiling over, time to kill In the frozen sun

Everything that we used to know Has a zero sum Ice cubes in the goldfish bowl Where we’ve come undone

Nerves of tissue, lung of steel Sleep until we’re dead Warm the soul with antifreeze A frozen mind instead

Lyrics: 120 MPH

One hundred twenty miles per hour It sure is cold outside alone One hundred twenty miles away After an hour far from home

One hundred twenty miles between us Why did you have to hurt me so One hundred twenty miles and counting I’m sorry that I had to go

Why did you hurt me was it (turn around and glare) Something that I said (aware) I try and try (unfair)

Why did you hurt me why (turn around and stare) Did I have to leave Why do I have to love you (nowhere) ‘Till the day I die (prepare)

One hundred twenty miles per hour It is now time to move along One hundred twenty miles away From everything that was so wrong

One hundred twenty miles between us It is now crystal clear to me One hundred twenty miles and counting We simply were not meant to be

Why did I even put up with (turn around and glare) your stupidity Why did I bother with you (aware) Now I cannot see (unfair)

How could I let you lead me (catch me unaware) On so very long I hope to never miss you (we share) Now that you are gone (repair)

One hundred twenty miles per hour I’m sure to get away from you One hundred twenty miles away It has vastly improved my view

One hundred twenty miles between us I just don’t need you anymore One hundred twenty miles and counting Good riddance, don’t wait at the door