It was August 2004. I had just moved to New York City in July, and I had dreams of establishing myself as a musician and also finally transitioning and being able to be myself.

Turns out that “myself” is still just super introverted and socially anxious, and places like New York wear me down faster than they build me up.

Anyway the bit about “start a new family” was inspired by a stupid cishet-normative ad for life insurance that was plastered all over the subway at the time, about a mediocre man wanting to start a family and have two kids. In my take on it in the lyrics I never actually specify which part of the family I’d be taking, and I like to think that I’m just some sort of random factor that leads to a family being started without any continuing involvement of my own. Or maybe I’m the family pet. Who knows. This song is about random nerve firings that were going through my brain while sitting lonely on the subway and feeling isolated, and not about my actual aspirations.

This song always sort of felt like it would be the pivotal moment in a semi-fictional musical about my life, and I guess that in the end, that’s kind of what this album as a whole is.

This song would also be the second-to-last Song Fight! song I entered under the “band” name “fluffy porcupine.”

New York was, also, not the place for me, and a few months after first recording Run Faster (which was about my job situation in New York), I would end up moving to Seattle, and it was time to reinvent myself again. I experimented with a few different band names before finally settling on “Sockpuppet,” a reference to how many other names I’d been operating under, and how I am one person presenting myself as an entire ensemble.

In effect, this song marked the ending of one chapter in my life, and the beginning of the next. But my story is still being written, at least for now.

Lyrics: Five Minutes

Just like in a picture show I know where I want to go This is not the place for me And I’m moving on

There are people that I know In the place I want to go I can be what I wanna be I hope I’m not wrong

I think it’s time for me to get my five minutes of fame When I get there everybody will be so glad that I came It won’t be so long before everyone knows my name Without a doubt we’ll talk about the Things I never ever thought I’d Find someone to talk to about

Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This just seems so right for me It’s like I’m already gone

All the people that I know Tell me where I need to go In a day or two or three Nothing will be wrong

I think it’s time to start again with a brand new life Leave behind some of a past that has been filled with strife Start a new family, two kids, a husband, and a wife I sold my car I’m going far to Start again beginning friendship With five minutes left to the end

Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This is not the place for me Goodbye, and so long

Back in 2003, when this song was originally written, it was considered “okay” and “funny” to dox and harass trans people. And if it happened to someone, clearly it was their fault for being trans and not being 100% perfect at keeping their private information private.

Ask me how I know.

In the midst of getting dozens of harassing phone calls, random evangelists being sent to my door hearing I’d “found Jesus,” and being added to dozens of religious mailing lists, I was, as you might expect, pretty tired and grumpy.

And the people around me thought it was just a joke, or my fault for being trans. What could I expect from society, because of this “choice” I “made?”

And meanwhile, being largely in the closet in person, I couldn’t even share that this was going on with most people around me. They could see that I was stressed, but as usual, leaned hard on toxic positivity nonsense, telling me that I needed to cheer up and that things weren’t so bad.

Sometimes you just need to wallow and hide, and sometimes it’s okay to tell people to fuck right off, especially when they refuse to get it.

The original version of this song was a lot angrier, and also only had three chords. It was one of the first songs to be selected for remixing on Remix Fight (a long-gone side project from a bunch of Song Fight! people), and I was fortunate enough to have the song be remixed by Victor “fourstones” Stone, who would later go on to found ccMixter. I had actually forgotten all about that until a few days before I started on this track (and had no idea how I was going to handle this song) and his remix came up in my playlist, and one of the changes he made to the chord progression gave me the inspiration I needed to complete my new arrangement.

So, thank you, Victor, wherever you are.

Lyrics: Sunny Again

Oh, it’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase the clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want the rain to wash my tears away

Don’t want you coming here, try to change my mind You don’t know just how I feel, I feel I’m feeling fine You don’t know what it’s like, living in my brain It’s not the things you think that keep me in this pain

Today is just another sunny day Why don’t you go and chase some fucking clouds away I don’t want to come outside and play today I just want the rain to wash my tears away

I’m being eaten at, attacked from every side They smack me down, want me to drown, and take me for a ride You want to make me think it isn’t them it’s me It will not work, don’t be a jerk, I know how it should be

Oh it’s just another sunny day I wish the clouds could come and stay, for that I pray Please just leave me alone and go away Don’t want to see you now, just leave me alone today

I know it seems I’m on the edge of something bad You scream and shout that I’m “flipping out,” you’re just making me mad I’m the one who’s fine, it’s everyone else who’s insane But people suck, I’m out of luck, I just can’t play the game

Oh, it’s just another sunny day Please let me be, don’t bother me today (please bother me) I’m sick of you trying to chase my clouds away (chase my clouds away) I just want you to go the fuck away

It’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase my clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want you to stay

I wrote this song in response to a well-meaning but clueless friend who saw I was suffering and would tell me I should “just cheer up.”

“Just cheer up” won’t make me less depressed.

“Just cheer up” won’t solve my anxiety.

“Just cheer up” won’t fix my chronic pain.

“Just cheer up” won’t take away my stressors.

“Just cheer up” won’t stop the world from hating me just for being me.

Fuck toxic positivity.

Anyway I think it was pretty bold of me to rhyme “up” with “up.” Those are the kinds of innovative lyrical ideas that normally only come with decades of experience.

Lyrics: Alright Alright

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright?

Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady, though, Alright, alright?

I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright?

Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I get your point already Alright, alright?

Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking, I am hanging up Your cheer isn’t helping me feel any more All right, alright?

I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright?

Don’t you even try To think that I Just need to have it pointed out that It’ll be alright

Metaphorically I I just wanna die Or at least have the world go away Until I am alright

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright!

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright

Originally for Song Fight!, 2022

This title went up when the Roe v. Wade reversal took place, and was a reference to the material change in constitutional law that had just taken place. Plenty of other people wrote songs about politics, so I felt okay with taking the title a bit more literally.

This song is dedicated to my friend Beltrami, who is featured alongside me in the cover art. May we someday cross paths in this reality, too.

Lyrics: Material Change

Reupholster me into leather or pleather Make me watertight for every kind of weather Wouldn’t I be nice made of plush or of ice You have my permission, don’t have to ask twice

Take me apart and use me as a toy Make my only purpose to bring people joy Polish me up and make me shiny and clean I’m your willing servant, please be my new queen

Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go

Look me in the eyes and turn me into stone Chisel me down and sit on me as a throne Make this second skin someplace I can begin Reshape me into something with a dorsal fin

Carve me out of wood, make me a work of art Paint me with pictures of my old broken heart Please do not forget what I used to be And please don’t forget to always love me

Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go

Reupholster me it would bring me such pleasure Make me into a pooltoy for bright sunny weather Wear me like a costume so that you can be me Make all of my decisions so I can be free

You took me apart and used me as a toy I can’t remember if I was a girl or boy Please do not forget what I used to be And please don’t forget to always love me

Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go Oh woh

Caroline’s character theme from Full Course.

Caroline was to have an interesting story arc, and was going to have two character theme songs because of one of her traits. This particular song is for her extrovert mode (“Candy”), and was inspired by modern anime music. Its working title was “Every Anime Themesong.”

She also had an introvert mode, “Strawberry,” although I never started work on that theme before the game was canceled.

This song was written as a 20th anniversary celebration of the very first Song Fight!.

Lyrics: Golfpunk Rides Again

20 years ago I knew this guy, you probably know the type. His name was Gary or Greg or something, but everyone knew him as Golfpunk. His whole thing was breaking in windows of expensive cars using a golf club to protest the wealth gap or… somethin’ like that.

Anyway, he called himself a performance artist, and some rich dude decided it would be funny to give him a Cadillac to drive around, you know, “ironically?” Golfpunk, he changed, man… He changed.

(Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac) (Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac) (Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac) (Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac)

Now that he had a Cadillac of his own he suddenly felt a lot of empathy for the other Cadillac owners and stopped smashing windows. He wanted to smash things, though, so… he took his golf club to the golf course and… he started playing.

You know, golf.

The rich peoples’ sport.

And he was good at it.

(Golfpunk, he drives a nine iron) (Golfpunk, he drives a nine iron) (Golfpunk, he drives a nine iron) (Golfpunk, he’s gonna crash and burn)

He ended up entering into a tournament and won a lot of money, but then his past caught up with him and all these rich assholes, like, sued him for the windows he broke. And then he had to go on a big ol’ apology tour, ‘cause it’s not like he hurt anyone or said anything racist, but God forbid some windows get smashed up.

Anyway, we all kind of lost track of him for a long time, but then a few weeks ago he reached out to me and was like, “Hey, remember me?” And I was like, “Hey, I remember you! Man, Golfpunk! It’s been a long heckin’ time.” Then he kinda went silent.

And then he says to me, “So, um, I’m not Golfpunk anymore. I got married, settled down, had kids… now I’m more of a… golf dad.”

And I was like, “Oh. Huh. Weird.”

And then he said the most offensive thing to me ever:

“And now I drive a Prius.”

(Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac) (Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac) (Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac) (Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac)

Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is it’s okay to grow up sometimes, and maybe you’re going to grow apart too. And that’s alright.

Just don’t become an asshole.

This was recorded in posthumous tribute to its composer, Seth Gibbs, who probably did not intend for this song to be about himself.

His old band’s original version is available on Song Fight!.

Lyrics: Space Cadet

Space cadet, what can you bring us To bring us together

Space cadet, what can you bring us To bring us together

Space cadet can you see all of the planets and stars Lifeless and empty but they know who they are He is so alone But we are really alone

Fly away, leave us alone, we don’t want you anyway I hope you’re happy floating free up in space It’s so nice up there But it’s so rotten down here

Space cadet, what can you bring us To bring us together

Space cadet, what can you bring us To bring us together

You watch the universe go You wishing on the last star What do you think of us now How can you live with us now

Hey cadet, where do you think You’re going don’t float away Take us with you, we’ll miss you so

Space cadet, what can you bring us To bring us together

Space cadet, what can you bring us To bring us together

This song was inspired by repeatedly tapping the tuning fork button on my portable amp.

Lyrics: A Long Plastic Hallway

it’s inimical inimitable and so predictable not a miracle

it’s despicable deliverable get irritable, with a thread to pull, feeling minimal

a seeming emptiness encroaching loneliness result of pettiness, try to redress the phoniness

acrimonious sanctimonious a former holiness, the brokenness melodious

finding time to spare sit in the broken chair being unaware, without a care all thoughts laid bare

a tantric suicide already dead inside climb up the hillside, across the divide, smell insecticide

there’s a new tomorrow, it’s falling into place there’s a new tomorrow, it’s running out of space there’s a new tomorrow, it’s all fucked up get your new tomorrow, you’re out of luck

get a steady job, and another piece of me get a big tv, and another take get a new degree, stuck in the machinery in the new tomorrow, you get what you make

it’s inimical counterfactual and so predictable not a miracle

it’s despicable deliverable get irritable, with a thread to pull, feeling minimal

and you simply cannot see what this all has done to me simply cannot see through the crooked lies simply cannot see everything that’s eating me nobody is looking through each others’ eyes

simply cannot see what this all has meant to me simply cannot see through the skin disguise simply cannot see all the greater piece of me walking through the hallway something on the rise

feeling critical and irritable analytical parasitical

apocalyptical stereotypical it’s predictable, hypocritical, and a miracle

Written when the election results came in :D

Lyrics: Don’t Let The Door Hit You

Don’t let the door hit you on your way out We all know you are going to just scream and shout Take it back to Twitter with your remaining clout, don’t let the door hit you on your way out

At least half of the nation is so sick of you You are so much worse than the “just a flu” Nobody cares what you’re going to do, don’t let the door hit you on your way out

The past four years have been a tragedy And we have a long way to go we can all see To get a better world for you and me Well maybe not for you

Don’t let the door hit you on your way out We’re better off without you without a doubt Twitter says they’ll ban you so just quietly pout, and let the door hit you on your way out

A song done to celebrate the birthday of my friend Heather “moboid” Kelley.

Specific works referenced:

• Super Hypercube
• Kokoromi in general
• Lapis
• Body Heat
• Fez
• I Crave Rapport
• Let’s Talk About Me
• Joue le jeu / Play Along
• Our First Times
• 4 Minutes and 33 Seconds of Uniqueness

Lyrics: Play That Game

What’s going on there is nothing to do Everything I have makes me think of you What’s on the TV please give me a clue Maybe I’ll try to play something that’s new So I try to play a game But they’re all just all the same

Throw me some blocks flying through outer space Wearing a helmet that’s strapped to my face Something artistic, something with grace Something experimental that takes place In a world I call my own Makes me feel at home

I think that I’ve played that game I think that I’ve played that game

I think that I’ve played that game I think that I’ve played that game

Experiment with all the feelings inside Help me to find something i can provide Give me ideas, try not to hide from the Animals concrete the organs implied (I wanna pet the rabbit) (please help me pet the rabbit)

Look around corners that no-one could see Making a difference so expressively Craving rapport as we drift to the sea What are we saying, let’s talk about me, ‘cause I’m Valid and I’m proud Quiet scream out loud

I think that I’ve played that game I think that I’ve played that game

I think that I’ve played that game I think that I’ve played that game

Falling down through space Make friends with a place Keeping a straight face Save the human race

I think that I’ve played that game I think that I’ve played that game

I think that I’ve played that game I think that I’ve played that game

I think that I’ll play that game I think that I’ll play that game

I think that I’ll make a game I think that I’ll make a game

This song came to me in a dream about love and loss and growing up.

Originally composed for a game soundtrack.

Lyrics: No Brakes

i’m feeling numb head banging drum where i come from, i’ll die another day

what happened to me setting myself free an absentee I’m turning away

I know I could be stronger Hold on a little longer Try not to fall in the water But I’ve heard enough

I just keep going faster Heading towards disaster Too late to stop me after I’ve heard enough

Too late for me So let me be We’ll just have to see how this all works out

What things may come I’m feeling dumb Gonna succumb To another doubt

I know I could be stronger Hold on a little longer Try not to fall in the water But I’ve heard enough

I just keep going faster Heading towards disaster Too late to stop me after I’ve heard enough

How hard I try I’m asking why staying dry for now i’m fine

too late, it’s done it’s time to run under the gun your life is on the line

I know I could be stronger Hold on a little longer Try not to fall in the water But I’ve heard enough

I just keep going faster Heading towards disaster Too late to stop me after I’ve heard enough

I know I could be stronger Hold on a little longer Try not to fall in the water But I’ve heard enough

I just keep going faster Heading towards disaster Too late to stop me after I’ve heard enough

Lyrics: Safety In Numbers

See the little ants walking down the path They don’t know how to do anything they’re bad at math But a little tiny queen can make some more One and one make two, two and two make four

And then what happens next is the worlds collide When a little tiny ant finds the world inside And the little worker ants can all pass the test They all work together to bring everything back to the nest

And when someone finds out it doesn’t matter The little tiny ants have made their queen get fatter So she can lay her eggs all day So it doesn’t matter when the people get the spray

There are so many ants that they cannot die For every ant that’s in the house there’s two outside All that we can do is let them be Learn to love each other for the world to see

I feel safe without you I feel safe when I’m with you I feel safe when I’m near you But I don’t think that I need you

You know what it is like when you are alone Walking in the dark trying to get home Every little thing that can make a sound Scares you half to death and you look around

You cannot help but fear for your life What if somebody is there who has a knife But you know that in your heart you will be okay And that everything will let you live another day

When you get inside you look around Thousands of little black dots are on the ground They go on with life without a care Eating all the food that they find lying there

It is no matter what you do or say Nothing will make the ants ever go away The lesson that we learn is when the day is done The little tiny ants are the ones who have won

I feel safe without you I feel safe when I’m with you I feel safe when I’m near you But I don’t think that I need you