Originally for Song Fight!, 2006

Back before the iPhone came out there were a bunch of early smartphones which were all pretty bad. This song was inspired by one of them in particular, and about how technology can be pretty awful and self-serving. I don’t think things have really improved all that much since then, putting it mildly.

For this one I decided to do a “collaboration” of sorts between Sockpuppet and <3.

Lyrics: Robot Baby

(<3) I am not in love It is not what I am thinking of But my life is needing something more Somebody that I can care for

The morning is alright But by the time that it becomes night I don’t know what to do My empty nest is making me feel blue

(fluffy) Hey, sister, I got what you need It’s a robot baby that you don’t need to feed You just plug it in every night And it also doubles as a convenient light

It slices, it dices, it makes julienne fries And inside the box is another surprise It’s a diet pill that’ll make your hair long And the side effect is that you’ll break into song

(<3) I waited my four to six weeks But by the time it was getting bleak A package it came for me I plug it in, but then what I see

When I try to sleep it glows This is something that must too lay low I am getting annoyed At this silly malfunctioning android

(fluffy) That’s not covered by the warranty But we’ll sell you one for an additional fee The product went through a focus group And what everyone wanted was a big feature soup

You can’t expect everything to work right Our scientists made it overnight Just be glad you got it in only one piece Try our other product, a robotic niece

(<3) This is such crap, I am sending it back Everything you make is so totally wack And the diet pill had the opposite effect I now weigh fifty pounds, but my song is in check

I do not think you went to the FDA I will sue you all and make you all pay To get the address I call the support line In Indonesia on my very own dime

(Jane Barbe) The number you have reached Is not in service Please check the number And dial again

(<3) Oh, fuck…

Originally for Song Fight!, 2022

This title went up when the Roe v. Wade reversal took place, and was a reference to the material change in constitutional law that had just taken place. Plenty of other people wrote songs about politics, so I felt okay with taking the title a bit more literally.

This song is dedicated to my friend Beltrami, who is featured alongside me in the cover art. May we someday cross paths in this reality, too.

Lyrics: Material Change

Reupholster me into leather or pleather Make me watertight for every kind of weather Wouldn’t I be nice made of plush or of ice You have my permission, don’t have to ask twice

Take me apart and use me as a toy Make my only purpose to bring people joy Polish me up and make me shiny and clean I’m your willing servant, please be my new queen

Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go

Look me in the eyes and turn me into stone Chisel me down and sit on me as a throne Make this second skin someplace I can begin Reshape me into something with a dorsal fin

Carve me out of wood, make me a work of art Paint me with pictures of my old broken heart Please do not forget what I used to be And please don’t forget to always love me

Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go

Reupholster me it would bring me such pleasure Make me into a pooltoy for bright sunny weather Wear me like a costume so that you can be me Make all of my decisions so I can be free

You took me apart and used me as a toy I can’t remember if I was a girl or boy Please do not forget what I used to be And please don’t forget to always love me

Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go Oh woh

The original version of this song was written by King Arthur for the A Problem of Perspective edition of Song Fight!.

Lyrics: A Problem of Perspective

Here is the problem: The way I see you is Colored by all of the things we’ve been through. Here is the problem: The way you see me is All about the things that you think I did to you.

That’s how a problem of perspective seems to work; Gets in the way of love. We think we’ve been hurt, We say we’ve had enough, we lose the will to trust. That’s what a problem of perspective does to us.

Love keeps no score of wrongs, they tell me, but my Eyes won’t open and my heart won’t let go. I make assumptions, despite the things I see, I… I deny the evidence, I trust what I think I know.

That’s how a problem of perspective seems to work; Gets in the way of love. We think we’ve been hurt, We say we’ve had enough, we lose the will to trust. That’s what a problem of perspective does to us.

At least two sides to every story. At least one truth for every lie. The optimist afraid to disbelieve, The pessimist afraid to try.

That’s how a problem of perspective seems to work; Gets in the way of love. We think we’ve been hurt, We say we’ve had enough, we lose the will to trust. That’s what a problem of perspective does to us.

Back in the early days of Song Fight! there was an occasional contributor who entered under the name Mouth Reliant. I felt like doing a tribute to his style for some reason.