This, too, ended up not going into a game that got released in time for the jam, due to time constraints and overly-ambitious scope. I’m detecting a theme, here.

This year did not have a good track record for me. I’d definitely prefer if people who come to me for music have a plan to release something even if it’s unfinished.

For a visual novel prequel to Gooning Simulator I was given a rather long and detailed pitch, but for the jam the scope was limited to just a single flirting scene at a bar. Maybe this game will get more music later.

Game: Meeting Mistress

Some affection music for having finished the sneaky stealth puzzles.

Did I say “affection?” I meant “fucking.”

Game: Ass Without A Trace 2

The actual boss fight music for Yamatsu.

This is the combat theme but with some extra pizzazz.

Game: Psycho Burst

This was an idea for Yamatsu’s boss fight music, although it was rejected for not fitting the vibe. Totally valid.

The title of this track is a Simpsons + Wagner reference.

Game: Psycho Burst

This is the standard combat theme for Yamatsu.

Game: Psycho Burst

It was August 2004. I had just moved to New York City in July, and I had dreams of establishing myself as a musician and also finally transitioning and being able to be myself.

Turns out that “myself” is still just super introverted and socially anxious, and places like New York wear me down faster than they build me up.

Anyway the bit about “start a new family” was inspired by a stupid cishet-normative ad for life insurance that was plastered all over the subway at the time, about a mediocre man wanting to start a family and have two kids. In my take on it in the lyrics I never actually specify which part of the family I’d be taking, and I like to think that I’m just some sort of random factor that leads to a family being started without any continuing involvement of my own. Or maybe I’m the family pet. Who knows. This song is about random nerve firings that were going through my brain while sitting lonely on the subway and feeling isolated, and not about my actual aspirations.

This song always sort of felt like it would be the pivotal moment in a semi-fictional musical about my life, and I guess that in the end, that’s kind of what this album as a whole is.

This song would also be the second-to-last Song Fight! song I entered under the “band” name “fluffy porcupine.”

New York was, also, not the place for me, and a few months after first recording Run Faster (which was about my job situation in New York), I would end up moving to Seattle, and it was time to reinvent myself again. I experimented with a few different band names before finally settling on “Sockpuppet,” a reference to how many other names I’d been operating under, and how I am one person presenting myself as an entire ensemble.

In effect, this song marked the ending of one chapter in my life, and the beginning of the next. But my story is still being written, at least for now.

Lyrics: Five Minutes

Just like in a picture show I know where I want to go This is not the place for me And I’m moving on

There are people that I know In the place I want to go I can be what I wanna be I hope I’m not wrong

I think it’s time for me to get my five minutes of fame When I get there everybody will be so glad that I came It won’t be so long before everyone knows my name Without a doubt we’ll talk about the Things I never ever thought I’d Find someone to talk to about

Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This just seems so right for me It’s like I’m already gone

All the people that I know Tell me where I need to go In a day or two or three Nothing will be wrong

I think it’s time to start again with a brand new life Leave behind some of a past that has been filled with strife Start a new family, two kids, a husband, and a wife I sold my car I’m going far to Start again beginning friendship With five minutes left to the end

Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This is not the place for me Goodbye, and so long

He was an openly gay man in his 50s. I was a mostly-closeted trans gal in my 20s. I was open to him. He was supportive.

He claimed he’d had a hard life, and had many stories to tell. Most of them reeked of bullshit to me. I’m not sure how much was true.

He’d become infatuated with me, and wanted to talk up my “brilliant mind.” I always felt like he was trying to coerce me into a relationship with him.

He would often send me letters to this effect.

This song isn’t about what happened between us, but it was certainly inspired by it.

I don’t know what’s become of him. We did briefly cross paths in a YouTube comment thread, of all the odd places, and I invited him to reconnect, but nothing happened from that.

I hope he’s doing well and that he’s found the love that he needs.

Lyrics: Paper Cuts

I got your letter Addressed to me Don’t know why you sent it It’s such a mystery

You said you’re broken Trying to hide Asked me how I’m doing, said you’re Burning up inside

You tell a story A lover in the past You say you think this time will be different That we will last

I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be

Another letter You talk of dreams Seeing us together And everything’s serene

Another story How everything was wrong Until the day you met me, how I’m Wonderful and strong

I think you should know It’s hard on me The love you think you have is just a Cause of misery

I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be

Another letter The paper splattered red By the time I read this you think That you might be dead

You said you loved me Why did I lead you on I’m pretty sure I didn’t want your Melancholy song

I call your lover She says you’re doing fine She told me that you said to tell me, “Please stay on the line”

I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to ever tell me How you think this is meant to be

You say you’re sorry For acting such a fool But can we still be friends if it would Not be cold and cruel

I say I’m sorry I never wanted you The image that you had of me was Anything but true

You say you’re sorry We share a quiet shame I’m sorry if you wanted me I just don’t feel the same

This was my third Song Fight! entry, and I was finally starting to get at least a semblance of a recording setup. At this point I’d bought a cheap 4-track tape deck and actually played the guitar part all the way through and sang everything each in one take.

It was still pretty awful and I was still learning how to do basically anything with acoustic recordings. But I was getting somewhere with it, at least.

In 2006 I started the Plus 5 project, where I decided to re-record all of my first-year Song Fight! entries on the fifth anniversary of their original due dates. I LOVE YOU and Repair My Heart both came out reasonably well (and those new versions were the conceptual basis for the versions on this album), but Shipwreck still came out pretty badly, and I started to think that the song itself was cursed.

For this album, I originally started out trying to do a better job of the Plus 5 version, but it still just plain wasn’t working. I was starting to wonder if I even wanted this song on this album to begin with, and like it was just irredeemably bad and not worth trying to save.

But then I had a realization: there’s nothing that says I had to stick to my plan from 2006. It’s my song, and my choice for how to do things, right?

So I changed the arrangement significantly, and decided to lean fully into the idea that it’s a song about desperate isolation.

I think it works.

Lyrics: Shipwreck

It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And it looks like there’s nothing to do

I need someone to come Doesn’t matter where they are from I see a ship on the edge of my view And I’m hoping that it is you

Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time so come Come on and rescue me

I am alone with nobody around It feels like I’ll never be found I have to hold on one more day To see if someone is coming my way

It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And I’m hoping that it is you

Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me

Come on and rescue me I’m begging for you to find me, and I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me

When Song Fight! posted the title “Repair My Heart,” I had just bought a CD-R of “royalty-free” loops (of extremely dubious origin) which came with a whole bunch of interesting beats and instrument one-shots. In particular there was a fun jungle beat which sounded like an off-kilter heartbeat to me.

So, I made a lo-fi jungle-ish track for my second Song Fight! entry.

There’s a long-running debate within Song Fight! about the legitimacy of instrumental tracks; one of the prevailing beliefs is that there’s nothing that ties an instrumental to the title, and what stops someone from entering an instrumental song for any given title, and then later entering it again for another title?

So I am quite pleased that Frankie Big Face, who was at one time one of the staunchest advocates of that above line of thinking, held up my Repair My Heart as a rare exception to that, an instrumental which could only work with that title.

Anyway, here it is as a jazz ensemble.

Lazy jazz turns into screamy punk. While going through my archives I found out that I’d actually tried resuscitating this project for a few other albums and it never quite worked out then either. I have scrapped versions in foodsexsleep and in Songs of Substance. I’d forgotten all about that.

Lyrics: Birds of Our Own [Plus 5, 2006]

I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so

She always said that it would be, “If you love someone you set them free” And I know that I would love it so And I would open the window

It’s always sad when one’s not good Being in a cage made of Norwegian wood I’d hope that someone would love me so Much as to open my window

I once had a man, or should I say He once had me for a single day I thought that he had loved me so But he would not open my window

I flew away in a single day He chased me but I ran away Back to a place that I could be Myself and by myself be free

I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so

The Plus 5 version of Listen Close. For this version I just did it as introverted jazz and just left the angsty lyrics behind.

I didn’t update this one for Transitions because I don’t think the song says anything that needed to be said, and what few interesting musical things happen in it are better covered by the final version of Sunny Again.

The Plus 5 version of Shipwreck attempted to be a more highly-produced version of the original. It’s how I originally wanted to try to do the Transitions version as well, but the new version had other plans.

The outro of this version is intended to overemphasize the musical connection between Shipwreck and Fool in the Middle.

Lyrics: Shipwreck [Plus 5, 2006]

It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And it looks like there’s nothing to do

I need someone to come Doesn’t matter where they are from I see a ship on the edge of my view And I’m hoping that it is you

Come on and rescue me (life is like a riddle) I’m drowning, can’t you see that I (stuck in the middle) Really need you all of the time so come (I have been such a fool) Come on and rescue me (A fool in the middle)

I am alone with nobody around It feels like I’ll never be found I have to hold on one more day To see if someone is coming my way

It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And I’m hoping that it is you

Come on and rescue me (life is like a riddle) I’m drowning, can’t you see that I (stuck in the middle) Really need you all of the time, so come (I’ve been such a fool) Come on and rescue me (a fool in the middle)

Come on and rescue me (life is like a riddle) I’m begging for you to find me, and I (stuck in the middle) Really need you all of the time, so come (I’ve been such a fool) Come on and rescue me (a fool in the middle)

Just as with I LOVE YOU, the Transitions version of this song is basically the Plus 5 version, done somewhat more competently.

Yes, that’s a musical reference to Katamari Damacy.

Originally for Song Fight!, 2010

This was a dumb idea I had right before the deadline and the original recording took me about 5 minutes to do, including composing it and writing the lyrics.

This version took me a little longer to do.

Lyrics: After Hours

Open up your door Open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door (Open up!) Open up your door (Please open!) Open up your door (Could you open the door please?) Please open up your door (I know you’re in there!)

Open up your door (I can see the light on through the window) Please open up your door (Could you please open the door?) Open up your door (The door, you should open it!) Please open up your door (I know you’re in there!)

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door I need to use your bathroom

Originally for Circle of Titles, 2020

One of the other Song Fight! traditions is Circle of Titles, where we provide titles for each other to write songs for in a one-on-one way. In 2020 I got this lovely title from T.C. Elliott (known better as Pigfarmer Jr. on Song Fight!) and decided to write a song that was inspired by another friend’s manic episode from their untreated bipolar disorder.

I haven’t spoken to them in a while, and I hope they’re doing okay.

(The bipolar friend, I mean. T.C.’s doing fine.)

Lyrics: Wait Right Here

Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to tell you Wait Wait right here It is a thing I think you know too well Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to show you Wait It’s oh so clear I can’t hear the ringing of the bell

Wait Wait right here There’s something I’ve only realized now Wait It’s so clear I think we all need our own real space, oh Wait Wait right here I’m trying to find a proper way, how Wait It’s so dear The world can be a big beautiful place

I can’t hear the image that you’re saying I can’t hear, I wish I knew you well I can’t hear the image that you’re singing to me I can’t hear, I know you wish me well

Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to show you Wait Wait right here It’s time for me to have my show and tell, oh Wait Wait right here Remember the thing that I tried to tell you Wait Wait right here Of all the people I’m wishing you well, so Wait

Originally for Song Fight! Live in Madison, Wisconsin, 2019

Song Fight! is a weekly-ish songwriting contest where a title is provided for everyone to write a song to. People write songs, they’re put up for a vote, somebody wins, and it’s all just a pretty good time overall.

Once a year we try to get together and do a little in-person concert where we get up on stage and perform our songs together. And part of Song Fight! Live involves a “live fight” where we’re given a title to write a song for and debut at the show.

In 2019 we went to Madison, Wisconsin, and the live fight title was The Supper Club. I was having Thoughts about Song Fight! at the time and decided to write a song about how Song Fight! as a community is a place where you should feel comfortable to express yourself in whatever way makes you most comfortable. I don’t know if anyone got that message from the song but it’s something I feel deeply all the same.

Lyrics: The Supper Club

A place where you belong, a place to sing a song Welcome to the supper club Everyone is nice, giving you advice Every night at the supper club

We take you as you are, whether near or far Just come on down on in to the supper club No-one needs your name, we’re always glad you came All are welcome at the supper club

Be the way that you want to be Comfort is what sets you free We’re your friends and your family All night long at the supper club

We’re happy when you’re glad, saddest when you’re sad Please join us at the supper club Precious fish to fry, reminder of days gone by Every Friday at the supper club

We relish when you’re here, love when you drink our beer Please relax at the supper club Have a drink or three, connecting you and me The rest of your life at the supper club

Be the way that you want to be Comfort is what sets us free We’re your friends and your family All night long at the supper club

A place where you belong, a place to sing a song Welcome to the supper club We love you through and through, it’s something old and new Please enjoy the supper club We love you at the supper club

An extended/enhanced version of the battle theme from Deck of Desire, an extremely NSFW card trading game.

In the original game there was a much shorter version of this song, in both chiptune and symphonic versions, as well as a bunch of other music. The game itself has been essentially abandoned as a “prototype” (despite having been very popular, and still tops my download analytics on itch.io years later!), but I had some ideas about how to expand the soundtrack into a full musical experience.

Maybe someday.

Game: Deck of Desire

Prototype battle theme made for an abandoned, untitled Pokémon fangame.

If I had a nickel for every time someone wanted me to make battle theme music for a Pokémon fan game for a game jam and then disappeared on me without apparently having even started to make the game, I’d have ten cents, which isn’t a lot of money, but it’s annoying that it happened twice.

Diana’s character theme song from Full Course.

Diana was meant to be a very posh, aristocratic person with refined tastes, and this is the music that popped into my head based on that description.