Some affection music for having finished the sneaky stealth puzzles.

Did I say “affection?” I meant “fucking.”

Game: Ass Without A Trace 2

The actual boss fight music for Yamatsu.

This is the combat theme but with some extra pizzazz.

Game: Psycho Burst

This is the standard combat theme for Yamatsu.

Game: Psycho Burst

If The Supper Club was a love letter to Song Fight!, this one’s a Dear John.

In 2024, Song Fight! Live finally came back as an in-person event, after several years away due to the COVID-19 pandemic. When I arrived in Denver, though, I felt like I was only there out of obligation, and over the course of the next few days I felt like maybe I was done with Song Fight! for so many reasons. The community was a great way for me to get started as a songwriter, but it was starting to feel like I needed to pull back a bit and not be so emotionally-invested in it.

Over the next few days I had several good conversations with close friends in the community. They didn’t make me feel much better about Song Fight! itself (and in fact helped me to put words to some of the specific things I was feeling particularly bad about), but they did make me feel better about thinking it was time for me to move on.

I so was burned out and so frustrated at this thing that had been so important to me for so long, over half of my life at this point. The other music I’d been doing – small solo performances and scoring for video games and short films – was making me much happier than this ongoing thing, this community that used to bring me such joy.

So for the live fight title of “Valley Highway,” I decided to write a swan song.

But being up on stage, performing with friends, getting the reactions from folks about how much I’ve grown over the years and how much better we’ve all become for having participated in this ridiculous thing for so long? I started to feel a lot better.

I’m still not sure I want to be quite so involved in Song Fight! anymore, but at least I feel good about the time I’ve spent with it, and it’ll probably always be there for me when I need it.

Song Fight! has been so important to me, but it’s okay to move on.

Lyrics: Valley Highway

It is time for me to go Down this newly open road I am grateful for how I have Had some of the best times of my life

Looking to the setting sun Looking out for number one Half a life is better than Having never lived a life at all Stuffed inside a letterbox Regrets and things better left unsaid

Here we are In the valley of my dreams

Time to fly Try to live up to my means

I remain so grateful for some Of the best times of my life

Under stormy desert skies Where my former passion lies Chasing down a memory of Better times and times left yet to come Fix my broken wings right up Because it’s long past time for me to fly

Here we are On the highway to my dreams

Time to fly Try to live up to my means

I remain so grateful for some Of the best times of my life

I remain forever grateful For some of the best times of my life

It was August 2004. I had just moved to New York City in July, and I had dreams of establishing myself as a musician and also finally transitioning and being able to be myself.

Turns out that “myself” is still just super introverted and socially anxious, and places like New York wear me down faster than they build me up.

Anyway the bit about “start a new family” was inspired by a stupid cishet-normative ad for life insurance that was plastered all over the subway at the time, about a mediocre man wanting to start a family and have two kids. In my take on it in the lyrics I never actually specify which part of the family I’d be taking, and I like to think that I’m just some sort of random factor that leads to a family being started without any continuing involvement of my own. Or maybe I’m the family pet. Who knows. This song is about random nerve firings that were going through my brain while sitting lonely on the subway and feeling isolated, and not about my actual aspirations.

This song always sort of felt like it would be the pivotal moment in a semi-fictional musical about my life, and I guess that in the end, that’s kind of what this album as a whole is.

This song would also be the second-to-last Song Fight! song I entered under the “band” name “fluffy porcupine.”

New York was, also, not the place for me, and a few months after first recording Run Faster (which was about my job situation in New York), I would end up moving to Seattle, and it was time to reinvent myself again. I experimented with a few different band names before finally settling on “Sockpuppet,” a reference to how many other names I’d been operating under, and how I am one person presenting myself as an entire ensemble.

In effect, this song marked the ending of one chapter in my life, and the beginning of the next. But my story is still being written, at least for now.

Lyrics: Five Minutes

Just like in a picture show I know where I want to go This is not the place for me And I’m moving on

There are people that I know In the place I want to go I can be what I wanna be I hope I’m not wrong

I think it’s time for me to get my five minutes of fame When I get there everybody will be so glad that I came It won’t be so long before everyone knows my name Without a doubt we’ll talk about the Things I never ever thought I’d Find someone to talk to about

Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This just seems so right for me It’s like I’m already gone

All the people that I know Tell me where I need to go In a day or two or three Nothing will be wrong

I think it’s time to start again with a brand new life Leave behind some of a past that has been filled with strife Start a new family, two kids, a husband, and a wife I sold my car I’m going far to Start again beginning friendship With five minutes left to the end

Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This is not the place for me Goodbye, and so long

I wrote this song in response to a well-meaning but clueless friend who saw I was suffering and would tell me I should “just cheer up.”

“Just cheer up” won’t make me less depressed.

“Just cheer up” won’t solve my anxiety.

“Just cheer up” won’t fix my chronic pain.

“Just cheer up” won’t take away my stressors.

“Just cheer up” won’t stop the world from hating me just for being me.

Fuck toxic positivity.

Anyway I think it was pretty bold of me to rhyme “up” with “up.” Those are the kinds of innovative lyrical ideas that normally only come with decades of experience.

Lyrics: Alright Alright

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright?

Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady, though, Alright, alright?

I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright?

Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I get your point already Alright, alright?

Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking, I am hanging up Your cheer isn’t helping me feel any more All right, alright?

I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright?

Don’t you even try To think that I Just need to have it pointed out that It’ll be alright

Metaphorically I I just wanna die Or at least have the world go away Until I am alright

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright!

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright

This was my third Song Fight! entry, and I was finally starting to get at least a semblance of a recording setup. At this point I’d bought a cheap 4-track tape deck and actually played the guitar part all the way through and sang everything each in one take.

It was still pretty awful and I was still learning how to do basically anything with acoustic recordings. But I was getting somewhere with it, at least.

In 2006 I started the Plus 5 project, where I decided to re-record all of my first-year Song Fight! entries on the fifth anniversary of their original due dates. I LOVE YOU and Repair My Heart both came out reasonably well (and those new versions were the conceptual basis for the versions on this album), but Shipwreck still came out pretty badly, and I started to think that the song itself was cursed.

For this album, I originally started out trying to do a better job of the Plus 5 version, but it still just plain wasn’t working. I was starting to wonder if I even wanted this song on this album to begin with, and like it was just irredeemably bad and not worth trying to save.

But then I had a realization: there’s nothing that says I had to stick to my plan from 2006. It’s my song, and my choice for how to do things, right?

So I changed the arrangement significantly, and decided to lean fully into the idea that it’s a song about desperate isolation.

I think it works.

Lyrics: Shipwreck

It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And it looks like there’s nothing to do

I need someone to come Doesn’t matter where they are from I see a ship on the edge of my view And I’m hoping that it is you

Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time so come Come on and rescue me

I am alone with nobody around It feels like I’ll never be found I have to hold on one more day To see if someone is coming my way

It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And I’m hoping that it is you

Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me

Come on and rescue me I’m begging for you to find me, and I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me

Back in the late 90s I had a quite vivid dream about an impossible love that could not exist, and I wrote the first version of the lyrics for this song, and had a vague idea for the chords.

In either late December 2000 or early January 2001, I was visiting my parents during winter break from grad school and noticed that a bunch of my favorite webcomics were all part of what was called the Dumbrella collective. I decided to poke around on the main Dumbrella website, and I noticed a thing on it called “Song Fight!,” which was a songwriting contest where the person running it, Narbotic, would invite his friends to make songs for a single title, as a continuation from his own website where he’d take random title suggestions and make weird little songs for them.

There was also an announcement that the next title, Zero to Phantom, would be open to anyone to submit to the title.

I had absolutely no ideas for it.

But the next title to go up, I LOVE YOU, reminded me of the song I’d written a few years before, and I decided to dust it off. I figured that it’d make a perfect guitar song.

The problem is, I only barely knew a couple of chords, and I didn’t have a guitar. At this point nearly all of my music production had been weird chiptunes.

So I went to a pawn shop and paid too much for some broken and dusty piece of crap, and figured out a few more chords, and I didn’t have a pick so I sanded down a chunk of a broken CD-R to make one, and I tried to record the song.

Unfortunately, I did not know how to actually record live audio, and I didn’t have the finger strength or stamina to even play through the whole song anyway.

So, I sampled all of the chords I knew and a couple of little riffs, loaded them up into Impulse Tracker, and tried sequencing the chords together. Then I recorded my vocals and chopped them up into samples and loaded them up into Impulse Tracker too, and then kinda-sorta assembled things together.

At the time, I didn’t know how to sing, either. I also hadn’t worked out the rhythm of the vocals and just kind of figured it out as I went.

The song was an absolute mess. But I submitted it to Song Fight! anyway, and the reaction was… adequate enough that it inspired me to keep going, and this started my process of slowly building up a bunch of skills for songwriting, guitar playing, recording, singing, and so much more.

This isn’t the first song I ever wrote, but it is ultimately the one that started me on my journey as a musician.

Lyrics: I LOVE YOU

The sun comes right up And there’s nothing I can do But state my mind, recite my point of view

It warms up my hair Passes behind a cloud I’m sitting here, thinking here of you

It shines in my eyes Like a beautiful swirl It blows my mind, and trembles in my view

I cannot think Of anyone in this world I’d rather spend my whole life with than you

I cannot believe Our love could go askew I would rather think What it’s like to be with you

I take a deep breath Let it out real slow The air is warm and smells of sweetened dew

It warms up my head I can see it now I’m sitting here, madly loving you

The world closes in Everything’s a blur I’m feeling dizzy, look around for you

I can’t help but think This must have been a dream Because you are nowhere within my view

I could not believe Our love would go askew I would rather think What it’s like to be with you

I’d like to be with you

Lazy jazz turns into screamy punk. While going through my archives I found out that I’d actually tried resuscitating this project for a few other albums and it never quite worked out then either. I have scrapped versions in foodsexsleep and in Songs of Substance. I’d forgotten all about that.

Lyrics: Birds of Our Own [Plus 5, 2006]

I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so

She always said that it would be, “If you love someone you set them free” And I know that I would love it so And I would open the window

It’s always sad when one’s not good Being in a cage made of Norwegian wood I’d hope that someone would love me so Much as to open my window

I once had a man, or should I say He once had me for a single day I thought that he had loved me so But he would not open my window

I flew away in a single day He chased me but I ran away Back to a place that I could be Myself and by myself be free

I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so

This is the remade version of Stronger Than for Plus 5. I wasn’t able to do a full remaster as many of the Logic instruments no longer exist in the basic library and I didn’t have any bounce files that I could reuse, but oh well. This seems good enough.

Lyrics: Stronger Than [Plus 5, 2006]

I am stronger than you

I am stronger than you

I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you I will always try To live to see you die You know always that I I will always try I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you Don’t know what I’m going through You can’t see from my point of view You will be on my mind You won’t be hard to find

I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you I will always try To live to see you die You know always that I I will always try I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you Don’t know what I’m going through You can’t see from my point of view You will be on my mind You won’t be hard to find

I am stronger than you

The Plus 5 version of Shipwreck attempted to be a more highly-produced version of the original. It’s how I originally wanted to try to do the Transitions version as well, but the new version had other plans.

The outro of this version is intended to overemphasize the musical connection between Shipwreck and Fool in the Middle.

Lyrics: Shipwreck [Plus 5, 2006]

It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And it looks like there’s nothing to do

I need someone to come Doesn’t matter where they are from I see a ship on the edge of my view And I’m hoping that it is you

Come on and rescue me (life is like a riddle) I’m drowning, can’t you see that I (stuck in the middle) Really need you all of the time so come (I have been such a fool) Come on and rescue me (A fool in the middle)

I am alone with nobody around It feels like I’ll never be found I have to hold on one more day To see if someone is coming my way

It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And I’m hoping that it is you

Come on and rescue me (life is like a riddle) I’m drowning, can’t you see that I (stuck in the middle) Really need you all of the time, so come (I’ve been such a fool) Come on and rescue me (a fool in the middle)

Come on and rescue me (life is like a riddle) I’m begging for you to find me, and I (stuck in the middle) Really need you all of the time, so come (I’ve been such a fool) Come on and rescue me (a fool in the middle)

This was my second attempt at recording this song for an album.

It did not go well.

Lyrics: Alright Alright [2005]

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright

Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is just another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady though Alright, alright

I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright

Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I get your point already Alright, alright

Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking I am hanging up Your cheer isn’t making me anymore Alright, alright

I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright

Don’t you even try To think that I Just need to have it pointed out that It’ll be alright

Metaphorically I I just wanna die Or at least have the world go away until I am alright

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright

Lyrics: Five Minutes [Song Fight!, 2004]

Just like in a picture show I know where I want to go This is not the place for me And I’m moving on

There are people that I know In the place I want to go I can be what I wanna be I hope I’m not wrong

I think it’s time for me to get my five minutes of fame When I get there everybody will be so glad that I came And it won’t be so long before everyone knows my name Without a doubt we’ll talk about the Things I never ever thought I’d Find someone to talk to about

Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go It just seems so right for me Like I’m already gone

All the people that I know Tell me where I need to go In a day or two or three Nothing will be wrong

It’s about time to start again with a brand new life Leave behind some of a past that has been filled with strife Start a new family, two kids, a husband, and a wife I sold my car I’m going far to Start again beginning friendship With five minutes left to the end

Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This is not the place for me Goodbye, and so long

Lyrics: Paper Cuts And Spilling Guts [Song Fight!, 2004]

I got your letter Addressed to me Don’t know why you sent it It’s such a mystery

You said you’re broken Trying to hide Asked me how I’m doing, said you’re Burning up inside

You tell a story A lover in the past You say you think this time will be different That we will last

I don’t need this kind of attention Please don’t show me your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be

Another letter You talk of dreams Seeing us together And everything’s serene

You tell a story How everything was wrong Until the day you met me, how I’m Wonderful and strong

I think you should know It’s hard on me The love you think you have is just a Cause of misery

I don’t need this kind of attention Please don’t show me your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be

Another letter The paper splattered red By the time I read this you think That you might be dead

You said you love me Why did I lead you on I’m pretty sure I didn’t want your Melancholy song

I call your lover She says you’re doing fine She told me that you said to tell me, “Please stay on the line”

I don’t need this kind of attention Please don’t show me your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be

You say you’re sorry For acting such a fool But can we still be friends if it would Not be cold and cruel

I say I’m sorry I never wanted you The image that you had of me was Anything but true

You say you’re sorry You hang your head in shame I’m sorry if you wanted me I just don’t feel the same

This is one of my first Song Fight! songs that I decided to try rerecording for an album, after I’d bought a cheap used four-track audio interface to try to improve my recording process.

It did not go well.

Lyrics: Alright Alright [outtakes, 2003]

Okay, um… hello?

This program is a… h’LOooOOoo This program is a piece of shit But it came free with my, uh, USB audio… interface… thing… So I’m not complaining too much

Okay, okay

Let’s uh, try this again

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright

Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady, though Alright, alright

I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright

Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I get your point already Alright, alright

Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop… if you don’t stop talking I…

the fuck? Okay

Your voice is getting me twisted up

Damn it I can play this just fine when I’m not recording Yes I’m being “chatty”

Okay

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright

Things aren’t always going to go my way But tomorrow is another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady, though Alright, alright

I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright

Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I get your point already Alright, alright

Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking I am hanging up Your cheerfulness isn’t making me anymore Alright, alright

Don’t you even try To think that I Just need to have it pointed out that It… it’ll be alright

Metaphorically I I just wanna die Or at least have the world go away until I am alright

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright

I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already Alright, alright

THANK YOU Hopefully it’ll save the whole fucking file this time Just, okay Just wanna make sure It’s gonna save the whole thing Okay

Lyrics: Sunny Again [Song Fight!, 2003]

Oh, it’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase the clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want the rain to wash my tears away

Don’t want you coming here, try to change my mind You don’t know just how I feel, I feel I’m feeling fine You don’t know what it’s like, living in my brain It’s not the things you think that keep me in this pain

Today is just another sunny day Why don’t you go and chase some fucking clouds away I don’t want to come outside and play today I just want the rain to wash my tears away

I’m being eaten at from every fucking side They smack me down, want me to drown, and take me for a ride You want to make me think it isn’t them it’s me It will not work you fucking jerk, I know how it should be

Oh it’s just another sunny day I wish the clouds could come and stay, for that I pray Please just leave me alone and go away Don’t want to see you now, just leave me alone today

I know I seem I’m on the edge of something bad You scream and shout I’m “flipping out,” you’re just making me mad I’m the one who’s fine, it’s everyone else who’s insane But people suck, I’m out of luck, I just can’t play this game

Oh, it’s just another sunny day Please let me be, don’t bother me today I’m sick of you trying to chase my clouds away I just want you to go the fuck away

Oh, it’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase my clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want you to stay

Lyrics: Fool In The Middle [Song Fight!, 2003]

(One, two, three four)

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Not so bad but not so good I don’t do the things that I should I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Everything I do makes it worse Just a speck in the universe Have I been such a fool A fool in the middle

Everybody puts me down But they say they like having me around And that makes me a bitter fool A fool in the middle

One side pink and one side blue Purple’s gonna have to do People can be very cruel when you’re Stuck in the middle

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle

Lyrics: Shipwreck [Song Fight!, 2001]

It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And it looks like there’s nothing to do

I need someone to come Doesn’t matter where they are from I see a ship on the edge of my view And I’m hoping that it is you

Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time so come Come on and rescue me

I am alone with nobody around It feels like I’ll never be found I have to hold on one more day To see if someone is coming my way

It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And I’m hoping that it is you

Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me

Come on and rescue me I’m begging for you to find me, and I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me

Originally for Song Fight!, 2010

This was a dumb idea I had right before the deadline and the original recording took me about 5 minutes to do, including composing it and writing the lyrics.

This version took me a little longer to do.

Lyrics: After Hours

Open up your door Open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door (Open up!) Open up your door (Please open!) Open up your door (Could you open the door please?) Please open up your door (I know you’re in there!)

Open up your door (I can see the light on through the window) Please open up your door (Could you please open the door?) Open up your door (The door, you should open it!) Please open up your door (I know you’re in there!)

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door

Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door I need to use your bathroom

Originally for Circle of Titles, 2020

One of the other Song Fight! traditions is Circle of Titles, where we provide titles for each other to write songs for in a one-on-one way. In 2020 I got this lovely title from T.C. Elliott (known better as Pigfarmer Jr. on Song Fight!) and decided to write a song that was inspired by another friend’s manic episode from their untreated bipolar disorder.

I haven’t spoken to them in a while, and I hope they’re doing okay.

(The bipolar friend, I mean. T.C.’s doing fine.)

Lyrics: Wait Right Here

Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to tell you Wait Wait right here It is a thing I think you know too well Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to show you Wait It’s oh so clear I can’t hear the ringing of the bell

Wait Wait right here There’s something I’ve only realized now Wait It’s so clear I think we all need our own real space, oh Wait Wait right here I’m trying to find a proper way, how Wait It’s so dear The world can be a big beautiful place

I can’t hear the image that you’re saying I can’t hear, I wish I knew you well I can’t hear the image that you’re singing to me I can’t hear, I know you wish me well

Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to show you Wait Wait right here It’s time for me to have my show and tell, oh Wait Wait right here Remember the thing that I tried to tell you Wait Wait right here Of all the people I’m wishing you well, so Wait