Originally for Song Fight!, 2006
Back before the iPhone came out there were a bunch of early smartphones which were all pretty bad. This song was inspired by one of them in particular, and about how technology can be pretty awful and self-serving. I don’t think things have really improved all that much since then, putting it mildly.
For this one I decided to do a “collaboration” of sorts between Sockpuppet and <3.
(<3) I am not in love It is not what I am thinking of But my life is needing something more Somebody that I can care for
The morning is alright But by the time that it becomes night I don’t know what to do My empty nest is making me feel blue
(fluffy) Hey, sister, I got what you need It’s a robot baby that you don’t need to feed You just plug it in every night And it also doubles as a convenient light
It slices, it dices, it makes julienne fries And inside the box is another surprise It’s a diet pill that’ll make your hair long And the side effect is that you’ll break into song
(<3) I waited my four to six weeks But by the time it was getting bleak A package it came for me I plug it in, but then what I see
When I try to sleep it glows This is something that must too lay low I am getting annoyed At this silly malfunctioning android
(fluffy) That’s not covered by the warranty But we’ll sell you one for an additional fee The product went through a focus group And what everyone wanted was a big feature soup
You can’t expect everything to work right Our scientists made it overnight Just be glad you got it in only one piece Try our other product, a robotic niece
(<3) This is such crap, I am sending it back Everything you make is so totally wack And the diet pill had the opposite effect I now weigh fifty pounds, but my song is in check
I do not think you went to the FDA I will sue you all and make you all pay To get the address I call the support line In Indonesia on my very own dime
(Jane Barbe) The number you have reached Is not in service Please check the number And dial again
(<3) Oh, fuck…