This song isn’t about Portland, but it also isn’t not about Portland.

It’s also about Seattle.

But also it was just written for the Song Fight! Live Fight in Portland, in 2015.

Lyrics: Don’t Come Here to Live

We’re so happy that you want to stay But our city’s full please go away We don’t want to turn away your kind So come anyway, I guess we won’t mind

We know what you’ve seen on the TV How we live our lives totally fancy free But you really ought to know Portlandia is just a show

We are passive, and aggressive Sacred bike rights often start fights But we all drive, when you arrive We say you’ll never need a car

We have hipsters - Silly tricksters We’re ironic - Catatonic Brew our own beer, but please don’t fear ‘Cause there’s always PBR

So you live here now, you want a job? I guess that’s cool - you’re not a slob You could work at a restaurant If that is the kind of job you want

What’s that you say? You have a degree? A master’s in sustainability? That’s really great, but you oughta know I just got mine an hour ago

We are passive, and aggressive Sacred bike rights often start fights But we all drive, when you arrive We say you’ll never need a car

We have hipsters - Silly tricksters We’re ironic - Catatonic Brew our own beer, but please don’t fear ‘Cause there’s always PBR

I guess we can’t talk you out of it So welcome to Portland, We Give A Shit™ What’s that you say, you love the sky so blue? Well I guess I’ve got some news for you…

We are passive, and aggressive Sacred bike rights often start fights But we all drive, when you arrive We say you’ll never need a car

We have hipsters - Silly tricksters We’re ironic - Catatonic Brew our own beer, but please don’t fear ‘Cause there’s always PBR And there’s always PBR And there’s always PBR

I attempted to self-medicate my ongoing depression with some THC.

I may have used a little too much.

Lyrics: INTERNET!!!

Hello, the Internet Hello, the Internet Hello, the Internet Hello, the Internet