These are some of my oldest songs, all but one of them written back when I first started writing songs with lyrics. They have been completely reimagined and rearranged as a celebration of where I started and of how far I’ve come.
These songs serve as a sort of soundtrack to my life, especially in those days of the early 2000s, when I was struggling with gender and my mental health, and trying to figure out what I even wanted to be when I grew up (in more ways than one). They’ve been sitting on a shelf, fermenting for decades, and they are songs that I am finally ready to share with the world.
They tell a story of aspiration and heartbreak, of being trapped by my circumstances and escaping, and ultimately finding my own path forward.
These songs are super personal and personally-meaningful, and I am glad that they are finally out there in the world.
Thank you for joining me on this journey.
I wrote this song in response to a well-meaning but clueless friend who saw I was suffering and would tell me I should “just cheer up.”
“Just cheer up” won’t make me less depressed.
“Just cheer up” won’t solve my anxiety.
“Just cheer up” won’t fix my chronic pain.
“Just cheer up” won’t take away my stressors.
“Just cheer up” won’t stop the world from hating me just for being me.
Fuck toxic positivity.
Anyway I think it was pretty bold of me to rhyme “up” with “up.” Those are the kinds of innovative lyrical ideas that normally only come with decades of experience.
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright?
Things aren’t always gonna go my way But tomorrow is another day You’re not helping me to feel very steady, though, Alright, alright?
I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright?
Please don’t try to cheer me up Yes I know I have enough coffee in my cup I get your point already Alright, alright?
Your voice is getting me twisted up If you don’t stop talking, I am hanging up Your cheer isn’t helping me feel any more All right, alright?
I get your point already No need to fight I’m just not feeling so steady Alright, alright?
Don’t you even try To think that I Just need to have it pointed out that It’ll be alright
Metaphorically I I just wanna die Or at least have the world go away Until I am alright
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright!
I know what you’re gonna say Today just must not be my day I get your point already, Alright, alright
Back in 2003, when this song was originally written, it was considered “okay” and “funny” to dox and harass trans people. And if it happened to someone, clearly it was their fault for being trans and not being 100% perfect at keeping their private information private.
Ask me how I know.
In the midst of getting dozens of harassing phone calls, random evangelists being sent to my door hearing I’d “found Jesus,” and being added to dozens of religious mailing lists, I was, as you might expect, pretty tired and grumpy.
And the people around me thought it was just a joke, or my fault for being trans. What could I expect from society, because of this “choice” I “made?”
And meanwhile, being largely in the closet in person, I couldn’t even share that this was going on with most people around me. They could see that I was stressed, but as usual, leaned hard on toxic positivity nonsense, telling me that I needed to cheer up and that things weren’t so bad.
Sometimes you just need to wallow and hide, and sometimes it’s okay to tell people to fuck right off, especially when they refuse to get it.
The original version of this song was a lot angrier, and also only had three chords. It was one of the first songs to be selected for remixing on Remix Fight (a long-gone side project from a bunch of Song Fight! people), and I was fortunate enough to have the song be remixed by Victor “fourstones” Stone, who would later go on to found ccMixter. I had actually forgotten all about that until a few days before I started on this track (and had no idea how I was going to handle this song) and his remix came up in my playlist, and one of the changes he made to the chord progression gave me the inspiration I needed to complete my new arrangement.
So, thank you, Victor, wherever you are.
Oh, it’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase the clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want the rain to wash my tears away
Don’t want you coming here, try to change my mind You don’t know just how I feel, I feel I’m feeling fine You don’t know what it’s like, living in my brain It’s not the things you think that keep me in this pain
Today is just another sunny day Why don’t you go and chase some fucking clouds away I don’t want to come outside and play today I just want the rain to wash my tears away
I’m being eaten at, attacked from every side They smack me down, want me to drown, and take me for a ride You want to make me think it isn’t them it’s me It will not work, don’t be a jerk, I know how it should be
Oh it’s just another sunny day I wish the clouds could come and stay, for that I pray Please just leave me alone and go away Don’t want to see you now, just leave me alone today
I know it seems I’m on the edge of something bad You scream and shout that I’m “flipping out,” you’re just making me mad I’m the one who’s fine, it’s everyone else who’s insane But people suck, I’m out of luck, I just can’t play the game
Oh, it’s just another sunny day Please let me be, don’t bother me today (please bother me) I’m sick of you trying to chase my clouds away (chase my clouds away) I just want you to go the fuck away
It’s just another sunny day Why did someone have to chase my clouds away I just don’t want to come outside and play I just want you to stay
When Song Fight! posted the title “Repair My Heart,” I had just bought a CD-R of “royalty-free” loops (of extremely dubious origin) which came with a whole bunch of interesting beats and instrument one-shots. In particular there was a fun jungle beat which sounded like an off-kilter heartbeat to me.
So, I made a lo-fi jungle-ish track for my second Song Fight! entry.
There’s a long-running debate within Song Fight! about the legitimacy of instrumental tracks; one of the prevailing beliefs is that there’s nothing that ties an instrumental to the title, and what stops someone from entering an instrumental song for any given title, and then later entering it again for another title?
So I am quite pleased that Frankie Big Face, who was at one time one of the staunchest advocates of that above line of thinking, held up my Repair My Heart as a rare exception to that, an instrumental which could only work with that title.
Anyway, here it is as a jazz ensemble.
On the (sadly long-gone) original Song Fight! forum thread for this song, someone mentioned “Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown),” which was one of my favorite Beatles songs at the time, so of course I had to put a couple of references to it in the lyrics.
While this song is vaguely inspired by something my mom once said about a childhood pet bird, as well as some of the continuing aftermath of the messy breakup that inspired a few of my early Song Fight! songs, it is basically complete fiction. (And for what it’s worth, that ex and I have long since reconciled and are friends again.)
The evolution of this song is pretty typical: It started out as lo-fi jazz, then it became punk rock, and now it’s a baroque-esque string quartet. Y'know, a totally normal trajectory that all music follows.
I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so
She always said that it would be, “If you love someone you set them free” And I know that I would love it so And I would open the window
It’s always sad when one’s not good Being in a cage made of Norwegian wood I’d hope that someone would love me so Much as to open my window
I once had a man, or should I say He once had me for a single day I thought that he had loved me so But he would not open my window
I flew away in a single day He chased me but I ran away Back to a place where I could be Myself and by myself be free
I always wanted a bird of my own My mother had one but it had flown Away when she opened the window To let it be free as she loved it so
I was going through some shit.
I’m better now.
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you I will always try To live to see you die You know always that I I will always try I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than You don’t know what I’m going through You can’t see from my point of view You will be on my mind You won’t be hard to find
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than you I will always try To live to see you die You know always that I I will always try I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew I am stronger than You don’t know what I’m going through You can’t see from my point of view You will be on my mind You won’t be hard to find
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried I knew
I am stronger than you Not a thing to do When you cried
I am stronger than you
I am stronger than you
If The Supper Club was a love letter to Song Fight!, this one’s a Dear John.
In 2024, Song Fight! Live finally came back as an in-person event, after several years away due to the COVID-19 pandemic. When I arrived in Denver, though, I felt like I was only there out of obligation, and over the course of the next few days I felt like maybe I was done with Song Fight! for so many reasons. The community was a great way for me to get started as a songwriter, but it was starting to feel like I needed to pull back a bit and not be so emotionally-invested in it.
Over the next few days I had several good conversations with close friends in the community. They didn’t make me feel much better about Song Fight! itself (and in fact helped me to put words to some of the specific things I was feeling particularly bad about), but they did make me feel better about thinking it was time for me to move on.
I so was burned out and so frustrated at this thing that had been so important to me for so long, over half of my life at this point. The other music I’d been doing – small solo performances and scoring for video games and short films – was making me much happier than this ongoing thing, this community that used to bring me such joy.
So for the live fight title of “Valley Highway,” I decided to write a swan song.
But being up on stage, performing with friends, getting the reactions from folks about how much I’ve grown over the years and how much better we’ve all become for having participated in this ridiculous thing for so long? I started to feel a lot better.
I’m still not sure I want to be quite so involved in Song Fight! anymore, but at least I feel good about the time I’ve spent with it, and it’ll probably always be there for me when I need it.
Song Fight! has been so important to me, but it’s okay to move on.
It is time for me to go Down this newly open road I am grateful for how I have Had some of the best times of my life
Looking to the setting sun Looking out for number one Half a life is better than Having never lived a life at all Stuffed inside a letterbox Regrets and things better left unsaid
Here we are In the valley of my dreams
Time to fly Try to live up to my means
I remain so grateful for some Of the best times of my life
Under desert stormy skies Where my former passion lies Chasing down a memory of Better times and times left yet to come Fix my broken wings right up Because it’s long past time for me to fly
Here we are On the highway to my dreams
Time to fly Try to live up to my means
I remain so grateful for some Of the best times of my life
I remain forever grateful For some of the best times of my life
He was an openly gay man in his 50s. I was a mostly-closeted trans gal in my 20s. I was open to him. He was supportive.
He claimed he’d had a hard life, and had many stories to tell. Most of them reeked of bullshit to me. I’m not sure how much was true.
He’d become infatuated with me, and wanted to talk up my “brilliant mind.” I always felt like he was trying to coerce me into a relationship with him.
He would often send me letters to this effect.
This song isn’t about what happened between us, but it was certainly inspired by it.
I don’t know what’s become of him. We did briefly cross paths in a YouTube comment thread, of all the odd places, and I invited him to reconnect, but nothing happened from that.
I hope he’s doing well and that he’s found the love that he needs.
I got your letter Addressed to me Don’t know why you sent it It’s such a mystery
You said you’re broken Trying to hide Asked me how I’m doing, said you’re Burning up inside
You tell a story A lover in the past You say you think this time will be different That we will last
I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be
Another letter You talk of dreams Seeing us together And everything’s serene
Another story How everything was wrong Until the day you met me, how I’m Wonderful and strong
I think you should know It’s hard on me The love you think you have is just a Cause of misery
I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to always tell me How you think this is meant to be
Another letter The paper splattered red By the time I read this you think That you might be dead
You said you loved me Why did I lead you on I’m pretty sure I didn’t want your Melancholy song
I call your lover She says you’re doing fine She told me that you said to tell me, “Please stay on the line”
I don’t need this kind of attention And I don’t want your affection I don’t want you to ever tell me How you think this is meant to be
You say you’re sorry For acting such a fool But can we still be friends if it would Not be cold and cruel
I say I’m sorry I never wanted you The image that you had of me was Anything but true
You say you’re sorry We share a quiet shame I’m sorry if you wanted me I just don’t feel the same
It was August 2004. I had just moved to New York City in July, and I had dreams of establishing myself as a musician and also finally transitioning and being able to be myself.
Turns out that “myself” is still just super introverted and socially anxious, and places like New York wear me down faster than they build me up.
Anyway the bit about “start a new family” was inspired by a stupid cishet-normative ad for life insurance that was plastered all over the subway at the time, about a mediocre man wanting to start a family and have two kids. In my take on it in the lyrics I never actually specify which part of the family I’d be taking, and I like to think that I’m just some sort of random factor that leads to a family being started without any continuing involvement of my own. Or maybe I’m the family pet. Who knows. This song is about random nerve firings that were going through my brain while sitting lonely on the subway and feeling isolated, and not about my actual aspirations.
This song always sort of felt like it would be the pivotal moment in a semi-fictional musical about my life, and I guess that in the end, that’s kind of what this album as a whole is.
This song would also be the second-to-last Song Fight! song I entered under the “band” name “fluffy porcupine.”
New York was, also, not the place for me, and a few months after first recording Run Faster (which was about my job situation in New York), I would end up moving to Seattle, and it was time to reinvent myself again. I experimented with a few different band names before finally settling on “Sockpuppet,” a reference to how many other names I’d been operating under, and how I am one person presenting myself as an entire ensemble.
In effect, this song marked the ending of one chapter in my life, and the beginning of the next. But my story is still being written, at least for now.
Just like in a picture show I know where I want to go This is not the place for me And I’m moving on
There are people that I know In the place I want to go I can be what I wanna be I hope I’m not wrong
I think it’s time for me to get my five minutes of fame When I get there everybody will be so glad that I came It won’t be so long before everyone knows my name Without a doubt we’ll talk about the Things I never ever thought I’d Find someone to talk to about
Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This just seems so right for me It’s like I’m already gone
All the people that I know Tell me where I need to go In a day or two or three Nothing will be wrong
I think it’s time to start again with a brand new life Leave behind some of a past that has been filled with strife Start a new family, two kids, a husband, and a wife I sold my car I’m going far to Start again beginning friendship With five minutes left to the end
Just like in a picture show I know where I’m gonna go This is not the place for me Goodbye, and so long
This was my third Song Fight! entry, and I was finally starting to get at least a semblance of a recording setup. At this point I’d bought a cheap 4-track tape deck and actually played the guitar part all the way through and sang everything each in one take.
It was still pretty awful and I was still learning how to do basically anything with acoustic recordings. But I was getting somewhere with it, at least.
In 2006 I started the Plus 5 project, where I decided to re-record all of my first-year Song Fight! entries on the fifth anniversary of their original due dates. I LOVE YOU and Repair My Heart both came out reasonably well (and those new versions were the conceptual basis for the versions on this album), but Shipwreck still came out pretty badly, and I started to think that the song itself was cursed.
For this album, I originally started out trying to do a better job of the Plus 5 version, but it still just plain wasn’t working. I was starting to wonder if I even wanted this song on this album to begin with, and like it was just irredeemably bad and not worth trying to save.
But then I had a realization: there’s nothing that says I had to stick to my plan from 2006. It’s my song, and my choice for how to do things, right?
So I changed the arrangement significantly, and decided to lean fully into the idea that it’s a song about desperate isolation.
I think it works.
It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And it looks like there’s nothing to do
I need someone to come Doesn’t matter where they are from I see a ship on the edge of my view And I’m hoping that it is you
Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time so come Come on and rescue me
I am alone with nobody around It feels like I’ll never be found I have to hold on one more day To see if someone is coming my way
It was a three-hour tour Looks like it’s gonna be more Now I’m stranded far from you And I’m hoping that it is you
Come on and rescue me I’m drowning, can’t you see that I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me
Come on and rescue me I’m begging for you to find me, and I Really need you all of the time, so come Come on and rescue me
I took a bit of a break from Song Fight!, because I was getting frustrated both with some of the aspects of the community, but also with how my missteps kept on causing me to activate interpersonal landmines.
I was trying so hard to be helpful but never stopped to think whether what I was doing was actually helpful.
And at the same time I had a lot of insecurity about my skills as a musician.
And at the same time I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do in terms of gender and transition and so on, and I was getting very little support from most of the people around me, especially folks in Song Fight!.
The term “nonbinary” didn’t exist as far as I’m aware in 2003, but that’s what part of this song is about: not feeling like I fit in to either category, and needing to be happy with just being me.
Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Not so bad but not so good I don’t do all the things that I should I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Everything I do makes it worse Just a speck in the universe Have I been such a fool A fool in the middle
People always put me down But they say they like having me around And that makes me a bitter fool A fool in the middle
One side pink and one side blue Purple’s gonna have to do People can be very cruel when you’re Stuck in the middle
Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Life is like a riddle Stuck in the middle I have been such a fool A fool in the middle
Back in the late 90s I had a quite vivid dream about an impossible love that could not exist, and I wrote the first version of the lyrics for this song, and had a vague idea for the chords.
In either late December 2000 or early January 2001, I was visiting my parents during winter break from grad school and noticed that a bunch of my favorite webcomics were all part of what was called the Dumbrella collective. I decided to poke around on the main Dumbrella website, and I noticed a thing on it called “Song Fight!,” which was a songwriting contest where the person running it, Narbotic, would invite his friends to make songs for a single title, as a continuation from his own website where he’d take random title suggestions and make weird little songs for them.
There was also an announcement that the next title, Zero to Phantom, would be open to anyone to submit to the title.
I had absolutely no ideas for it.
But the next title to go up, I LOVE YOU, reminded me of the song I’d written a few years before, and I decided to dust it off. I figured that it’d make a perfect guitar song.
The problem is, I only barely knew a couple of chords, and I didn’t have a guitar. At this point nearly all of my music production had been weird chiptunes.
So I went to a pawn shop and paid too much for some broken and dusty piece of crap, and figured out a few more chords, and I didn’t have a pick so I sanded down a chunk of a broken CD-R to make one, and I tried to record the song.
Unfortunately, I did not know how to actually record live audio, and I didn’t have the finger strength or stamina to even play through the whole song anyway.
So, I sampled all of the chords I knew and a couple of little riffs, loaded them up into Impulse Tracker, and tried sequencing the chords together. Then I recorded my vocals and chopped them up into samples and loaded them up into Impulse Tracker too, and then kinda-sorta assembled things together.
At the time, I didn’t know how to sing, either. I also hadn’t worked out the rhythm of the vocals and just kind of figured it out as I went.
The song was an absolute mess. But I submitted it to Song Fight! anyway, and the reaction was… adequate enough that it inspired me to keep going, and this started my process of slowly building up a bunch of skills for songwriting, guitar playing, recording, singing, and so much more.
This isn’t the first song I ever wrote, but it is ultimately the one that started me on my journey as a musician.
The sun comes right up And there’s nothing I can do But state my mind, recite my point of view
It warms up my hair Passes behind a cloud I’m sitting here, thinking here of you
It shines in my eyes Like a beautiful swirl It blows my mind, and trembles in my view
I cannot think Of anyone in this world I’d rather spend my whole life with than you
I cannot believe Our love could go askew I would rather think What it’s like to be with you
I take a deep breath Let it out real slow The air is warm and smells of sweetened dew
It warms up my head I can see it now I’m sitting here, madly loving you
The world closes in Everything’s a blur I’m feeling dizzy, look around for you
I can’t help but think This must have been a dream Because you are nowhere within my view
I could not believe Our love would go askew I would rather think What it’s like to be with you
I’d like to be with you
#CD #SongFight #Vinyl #Popular #ChamberPop #Classical #IndiePop #Instrumental #Lyrical ]]>For quite a while I had been working on an album called Transitions, in which I was rerecording some of my oldest Song Fight! songs now that I sorta know what I’m doing. While doing this I decided to also do a second companion album, Deadnames, in which I would provide remastered versions of the original recordings.
I came to realize that a bunch of the songs that I was planning wouldn’t really fit Transitions, and that their original recordings didn’t really fit with Deadnames either — but those songs were still overdue to be released, and gosh darnit, I’d already gone through the effort to remaster them! One song in particular really wanted to be released in its original version as a single, and I came to realize that all six of those misfit songs could instead go on their own little EP. So I gave them a bit more love than a simple remaster.
The result: Here’s Notions, an EP in which one particularly silly song is joined by five other particularly silly songs. I hope you enjoy it.
Originally for Song Fight!, 2006
Back before the iPhone came out there were a bunch of early smartphones which were all pretty bad. This song was inspired by one of them in particular, and about how technology can be pretty awful and self-serving. I don’t think things have really improved all that much since then, putting it mildly.
For this one I decided to do a “collaboration” of sorts between Sockpuppet and <3.
(<3) I am not in love It is not what I am thinking of But my life is needing something more Somebody that I can care for
The morning is alright But by the time that it becomes night I don’t know what to do My empty nest is making me feel blue
(fluffy) Hey, sister, I got what you need It’s a robot baby that you don’t need to feed You just plug it in every night And it also doubles as a convenient light
It slices, it dices, it makes julienne fries And inside the box is another surprise It’s a diet pill that’ll make your hair long And the side effect is that you’ll break into song
(<3) I waited my four to six weeks But by the time it was getting bleak A package it came for me I plug it in, but then what I see
When I try to sleep it glows This is something that must too lay low I am getting annoyed At this silly malfunctioning android
(fluffy) That’s not covered by the warranty But we’ll sell you one for an additional fee The product went through a focus group And what everyone wanted was a big feature soup
You can’t expect everything to work right Our scientists made it overnight Just be glad you got it in only one piece Try our other product, a robotic niece
(<3) This is such crap, I am sending it back Everything you make is so totally wack And the diet pill had the opposite effect I now weigh fifty pounds, but my song is in check
I do not think you went to the FDA I will sue you all and make you all pay To get the address I call the support line In Indonesia on my very own dime
(Jane Barbe) The number you have reached Is not in service Please check the number And dial again
(<3) Oh, fuck…
Originally for Circle of Titles, 2020
One of the other Song Fight! traditions is Circle of Titles, where we provide titles for each other to write songs for in a one-on-one way. In 2020 I got this lovely title from T.C. Elliott (known better as Pigfarmer Jr. on Song Fight!) and decided to write a song that was inspired by another friend’s manic episode from their untreated bipolar disorder.
I haven’t spoken to them in a while, and I hope they’re doing okay.
(The bipolar friend, I mean. T.C.’s doing fine.)
Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to tell you Wait Wait right here It is a thing I think you know too well Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to show you Wait It’s oh so clear I can’t hear the ringing of the bell
Wait Wait right here There’s something I’ve only realized now Wait It’s so clear I think we all need our own real space, oh Wait Wait right here I’m trying to find a proper way, how Wait It’s so dear The world can be a big beautiful place
I can’t hear the image that you’re saying I can’t hear, I wish I knew you well I can’t hear the image that you’re singing to me I can’t hear, I know you wish me well
Wait Wait right here There’s something I have to show you Wait Wait right here It’s time for me to have my show and tell, oh Wait Wait right here Remember the thing that I tried to tell you Wait Wait right here Of all the people I’m wishing you well, so Wait
Originally for Song Fight!, 2024
Song Fight! has been running for a long time; it started in 2000, making it an extremely old website by today’s standards, and it’s probably one of the first and is almost certainly now the longest-running songwriting communities on the Internet.
In 2024, the 1000th title was posted, “A Grand Parade,” and for this we all decided to dig up as many past participants as possible to try to get to 100 songs. We succeeded at this!
At one point I was entering under an alter-ego, <3, a vessel through which I was trying to express some gender-related stuff, and she was pretty popular. So for A Grand Parade I opted to bring her back for another song.
I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see It’s going to overwhelm and how You will not be very happy
The giant duck is gonna quack And the dogs are gonna bark in back And the Marshall of the big parade Doesn’t care if you feel safe
And the TV man is gonna say It is such a lovely sunny day And I know you want to go out and play But I want you to say inside
I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see Why not stay inside and meow? I just want you to be happy
The clowns will juggle and the bands will play And the noise will scare you far away So let’s stay cozy all the day Inside where we are safe
I do not think you will want to be Outside out there away from me So let’s just drink a cup of tea In the morning we will play
I do not want you going outside right now There are so many things to see I am feeling overwhelmed and I just want to be happy
Originally for Song Fight!, 2022
This title went up when the Roe v. Wade reversal took place, and was a reference to the material change in constitutional law that had just taken place. Plenty of other people wrote songs about politics, so I felt okay with taking the title a bit more literally.
This song is dedicated to my friend Beltrami, who is featured alongside me in the cover art. May we someday cross paths in this reality, too.
Reupholster me into leather or pleather Make me watertight for every kind of weather Wouldn’t I be nice made of plush or of ice You have my permission, don’t have to ask twice
Take me apart and use me as a toy Make my only purpose to bring people joy Polish me up and make me shiny and clean I’m your willing servant, please be my new queen
Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go
Look me in the eyes and turn me into stone Chisel me down and sit on me as a throne Make this second skin someplace I can begin Reshape me into something with a dorsal fin
Carve me out of wood, make me a work of art Paint me with pictures of my old broken heart Please do not forget what I used to be And please don’t forget to always love me
Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go
Reupholster me it would bring me such pleasure Make me into a pooltoy for bright sunny weather Wear me like a costume so that you can be me Make all of my decisions so I can be free
You took me apart and used me as a toy I can’t remember if I was a girl or boy Please do not forget what I used to be And please don’t forget to always love me
Once was a human long ago But now this is all that I know Every change brings an afterglow What a wonderful way to go Oh woh
Originally for Song Fight! Live in Madison, Wisconsin, 2019
Song Fight! is a weekly-ish songwriting contest where a title is provided for everyone to write a song to. People write songs, they’re put up for a vote, somebody wins, and it’s all just a pretty good time overall.
Once a year we try to get together and do a little in-person concert where we get up on stage and perform our songs together. And part of Song Fight! Live involves a “live fight” where we’re given a title to write a song for and debut at the show.
In 2019 we went to Madison, Wisconsin, and the live fight title was The Supper Club. I was having Thoughts about Song Fight! at the time and decided to write a song about how Song Fight! as a community is a place where you should feel comfortable to express yourself in whatever way makes you most comfortable. I don’t know if anyone got that message from the song but it’s something I feel deeply all the same.
A place where you belong, a place to sing a song Welcome to the supper club Everyone is nice, giving you advice Every night at the supper club
We take you as you are, whether near or far Just come on down on in to the supper club No-one needs your name, we’re always glad you came All are welcome at the supper club
Be the way that you want to be Comfort is what sets you free We’re your friends and your family All night long at the supper club
We’re happy when you’re glad, saddest when you’re sad Please join us at the supper club Precious fish to fry, reminder of days gone by Every Friday at the supper club
We relish when you’re here, love when you drink our beer Please relax at the supper club Have a drink or three, connecting you and me The rest of your life at the supper club
Be the way that you want to be Comfort is what sets us free We’re your friends and your family All night long at the supper club
A place where you belong, a place to sing a song Welcome to the supper club We love you through and through, it’s something old and new Please enjoy the supper club We love you at the supper club
Originally for Song Fight!, 2010
This was a dumb idea I had right before the deadline and the original recording took me about 5 minutes to do, including composing it and writing the lyrics.
This version took me a little longer to do.
Open up your door Open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door (Open up!) Open up your door (Please open!) Open up your door (Could you open the door please?) Please open up your door (I know you’re in there!)
Open up your door (I can see the light on through the window) Please open up your door (Could you please open the door?) Open up your door (The door, you should open it!) Please open up your door (I know you’re in there!)
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door
Open up your door Please open up your door Open up your door Please open up your door I need to use your bathroom
#CD #SongFight #Vinyl #Popular #Dance #Electropop #LoungeJazz #Rock #Lyrical ]]>The real collaboration was the friends we made along the way.
For Song Fight!
Credits:
They say the hero always comes out swinging They say everyone gets a second chance You know we’re always looking for redemption When we get caught up in circumstance Oh yeah Oh right Seems good Seems nice
Act I, we did everything we could Act II, we’ll do everything we should Act III, debunked every falsehood Act IV, and now everything is good
They say the hero never wants responsibility And how it always finds its way to them Never wants to be the chosen one to save the world They never wanted to be in this mess Oh yeah Oh right How good How right
Act I, we did everything we could Act II, we’ll do everything we should Act III, feeling so misunderstood Act IV, and now everything is good
All the world’s a stage and we’re all acting in our part Everyone doing what’s right by them We all want to be free We all want to be free
Act I, we did everything we could Act II, we’ll do everything we should Act III, our missing childhood Act IV, and now everything is good
Act I, we did everything we could Act II, we’ll do everything we should Act III, entered into adulthood Act IV, and now everything is good
#Collaborations #IndieRock #Rock #Bass #Drums #Guitar #Synth #Adventurous #Upbeat #Adventure #Lyrical ]]>I look in your window and nobody’s there last night you told me you’d be doing your hair
I really do think if we’re going somewhere We should be honest About the feelings we share
but you tell another story or you tell another lie it is doing nothing for me i don’t know why you even try
I’m so very sorry I hope you are fine I worry about you Getting sick all the time
So I have to wonder Just give me a clue How you were out with friends While sick with the flu
and you tell another story and you tell another lie it is doing nothing for me i don’t know why you even try
I don’t want to hear it How your mother just died This isn’t the first time That you have outright lied
I know what you’re saying Isn’t honestly true Or did you believe the person I paid to tell you?
but you tell another story or you tell another lie it is doing nothing for me i don’t know why you even try
and you tell another story and you tell another lie i know you really abhor me i don’t know why you even try
I dreamt I was a husky in my youth It was very odd to be so uncouth I would run around with nowhere to go But to slip and slide in the frozen snow
All I did for every day was run around And try not to fall down upon the frozen ground Not caring what was a lie and what was truth I dreamt I was a husky in my youth
The world faded and changed until it was light Everything was simple and was such a sight An outline around everything that I could see And colors were simply not quite ordinary
I dreamt I was a husky in my youth Starring in a film by Donald Bluth The evil businessman tried to capture me After he ate the yellow snow I made for free
The movie went on and on It was two hours long Snow was everywhere In the yard and in my hair
As a child I did not like dogs very much They were always wet and messy to my touch So when I dreamt I was a husky youth I woke up in my bed needing to see the truth
I found I had changed overnight Into a husky pup much to my fright Just like in the dream I had fur and claws And little black pads on my four paws
I did not know how this change could be But then a joyous calm washed over me I could smell what was a lie and what was truth I dreamt I was a husky in my youth
It’s the last day on Earth I know Everything is coming down We run it to the ground I think we need another take
We didn’t understand the snow Thought our troubles were gone Conclusions were withdrawn Life was just a big mistake
I think we need another take
I think we need some shelter We deserve this weather But we’re flying to the sun Everything’s undone
And we’re lying on the ground Swallowed up in the sound What we get is what we make I think we need another take
It’s the last day on Earth I know Everything is coming down We run it to the ground I think we need another take
Why do we all have to be tan? Different shades of a single master plan It is all so boring Baby I am snoring Why do we all have to be tan
Black and white and zebra stripes! Red and green would be so keen! Purple blues and other hues! These shades of tan just will not do!
If I were a genetic engineer I’d do what I could to bring it here Discrimination would be undone If everyone were the only one
Why do we all have to be tan And just a woman or a man Neither both or something in between I think that would be pretty keen but Everyone is just… tan
Paisley plaid and polka dot! Colors patterns are so hot! Sure we could all get tattoos But if I did it why would you?
If my idea were everyday Of course my plea would go away But other creatures can all have it So we’re unique on this planet?
Why do we all have to be tan? Different shades of a single master plan It is all so boring Baby I am snoring, oh Why do we all have to be tan
So, there’s this pretty weird thing that happened to me recently. I was walking down the street, and this guy came up to me… he was wearing a blanket like a cloak, like he was some sort of wizard or something, but he smelled like pee and feces. I mean, that’s not the weird thing, that happens pretty much every day. But anyway he stepped in front of me and said, “Hey, you want a moscow?” I told him no and tried to keep going, but he kept on stepping in front of me, and he was all, “Come on, this moscow, it’s great.” And I noticed that he was holding this thing in his hands which looked like a clay cow, that was covered in, you know, that fuzzy plant, that looks like moss but isn’t. You know, that cheap sort of gift you get at the drug store for that person who you really want to make them aware that you like them but not enough to give a crap about what sort of gift you get them, right? Anyway, so this guy is trying to get me to take the terra-cotta cow and I just want to get home and he’s just saying, “Come on, man, take it. I gotta get rid of it, but I don’t wanna just throw it out,” and I said, “Fine,” and I took it, and then he just said, “Thanks!” and ran off really fast.
But that’s not really the weird part. So, I took this stupid thing home, and figured it would go okay next to my herb garden on my balcony, and so I thought I put it there, but when I went into the kitchen to fill up my watering can, the moscow was sitting next to the sink. Pretty weird, right? Anyway, I just watered it right there, and now… yeah, this is the really, really weird part. It actually turned its head at me – yeah, I know, right? – and it said “Idaho!”
Now of course this was really weird. I mean, not only was this little tchotchke talking, but you’d think that if a cow were to talk it’d say something like, “Moo.” I dunno, “Milk me.” Something like that. Right? But “Idaho?” So I asked, “Idaho?” And it said, “No, Idaho.”
So, I called this friend of mine and asked her to come over – she’s a biologist, I mean – and when she came by she asked what was so important. “Look,” I said, “I have this… this moscow.” And she said, “O…kay? It’s a cow, yeah?” “No, a moscow,” I said. “See, ‘coz it’s like, covered in moss, right?” And she said, “Yeah, I see those all the time. So?” And I said, “Well, this one talks.” She just kind of waited for me to say more, and I said, “WIth its mouth.” She looked at me funny and said, “You’re joking.” And I was like, “No, n–here, I’ll show you,” and I watered it again, and it said, “Idaho.”
So my friend was kind of weirded out too and she asked, “Idaho?” And then the moscow said, “No, Idaho. Youdaslut.”
Anyway, they’re best friends now.
See the little ants walking down the path They don’t know how to do anything they’re bad at math But a little tiny queen can make some more One and one make two, two and two make four
And then what happens next is the worlds collide When a little tiny ant finds the world inside And the little worker ants can all pass the test They all work together to bring everything back to the nest
And when someone finds out it doesn’t matter The little tiny ants have made their queen get fatter So she can lay her eggs all day So it doesn’t matter when the people get the spray
There are so many ants that they cannot die For every ant that’s in the house there’s two outside All that we can do is let them be Learn to love each other for the world to see
I feel safe without you I feel safe when I’m with you I feel safe when I’m near you But I don’t think that I need you
You know what it is like when you are alone Walking in the dark trying to get home Every little thing that can make a sound Scares you half to death and you look around
You cannot help but fear for your life What if somebody is there who has a knife But you know that in your heart you will be okay And that everything will let you live another day
When you get inside you look around Thousands of little black dots are on the ground They go on with life without a care Eating all the food that they find lying there
It is no matter what you do or say Nothing will make the ants ever go away The lesson that we learn is when the day is done The little tiny ants are the ones who have won
I feel safe without you I feel safe when I’m with you I feel safe when I’m near you But I don’t think that I need you
Wake up in the morning Before the alarm goes Trying to fall back to sleep Still in last night’s clothes Lying half awake, I still can’t get up when the beeping starts Why would I
Sleepwalk through the morning On the way to work That guy on the bicycle is Such a stupid jerk I think I should push him over Just to show him up But why would I
Sometimes it is very hard to keep yourself moving when it’s gone haywire
Monday morning meeting Going way too long Finished up my coffee but the coffee isn’t strong I feel like I need to sleep I need to keep moving but why would I
Tuesday PM meeting Life is way too short Everything I try to say cut off with a retort Why does this guy work here, he’s a jerk, here, I should shut him up why would I
Sometimes it is very hard to keep yourself moving when it’s all haywire
Oh, listen to me Think about the damage done How hard can it be Just to have a little fun
Wednesday morning dreary I get nothing done Thursday comes and Friday goes Still get nothing done I should reconsider my Career choice, find a new voice but Why would I
Sometimes it is very hard to keep yourself moving when it’s gone haywire
Put Cindy back on the bus She isn’t one of us I don’t care what you say She’s just gotta go away
Put Cindy back on the bus Don’t make such a stupid fuss Everything she did Everything she said Every way she messed us up
Put Cindy back on the bus Do it before I start to cuss Every way she hurt us bad Every way she made us mad Everything she did to fuck us up
Hey, driver! Hey driver take her away Hey, driver! Hey I got somethin’ to say Don’t let her talk to you, don’t let her say how she’s been wronged Don’t let her talk to you, don’t let her speak until you’re gone
Cindy needs to stay on that bus ‘Cause you know she ain’t one of us She won’t know a thing She won’t know a thing From now until she wakes up
Cindy needs to stay on that bus You really got to listen to us Everything she did Everything she said It’s either this or beat her up
Cindy needs to stay on that bus Please driver don’t make a fuss We paid for the trip There’s nothing wrong with it Please go before she can wake up
Hey, driver! Hey driver take her away Hey, driver! Hey I got somethin’ to say This guy don’t know a thing, this guy don’t know what’s going on This guy don’t know a thing, he don’t know why we need her gone (We NEED her gone!)
Put Cindy back on the bus She isn’t one of us Don’t care what you say, she’s gotta go away Put Cindy back on the bus
Relax, calm yourself, There’s nothing to be afraid of Relax, ease your mind The giant monster’s just in love
Nothing’s gonna change I know it might seem strange
Everything will be alright Everything will be alright Everything will be fine tonight Everything is always fine tonight
Nothing’s gonna change Nothing is so strange Relax, calm yourself He isn’t ever gonna hurt you Relax, ease your mind And if he does what could you do
Nothing’s gonna change The city’s gonna rearrange Nothing’s gonna change He’s here on a monster exchange
Relax, calm yourself There’s nothing to be afraid of Relax, calm yourself And show the monster all of your love
One hundred twenty miles per hour It sure is cold outside alone One hundred twenty miles away After an hour far from home
One hundred twenty miles between us Why did you have to hurt me so One hundred twenty miles and counting I’m sorry that I had to go
Why did you hurt me was it (turn around and glare) Something that I said (aware) I try and try (unfair)
Why did you hurt me why (turn around and stare) Did I have to leave Why do I have to love you (nowhere) ‘Till the day I die (prepare)
One hundred twenty miles per hour It is now time to move along One hundred twenty miles away From everything that was so wrong
One hundred twenty miles between us It is now crystal clear to me One hundred twenty miles and counting We simply were not meant to be
Why did I even put up with (turn around and glare) your stupidity Why did I bother with you (aware) Now I cannot see (unfair)
How could I let you lead me (catch me unaware) On so very long I hope to never miss you (we share) Now that you are gone (repair)
One hundred twenty miles per hour I’m sure to get away from you One hundred twenty miles away It has vastly improved my view
One hundred twenty miles between us I just don’t need you anymore One hundred twenty miles and counting Good riddance, don’t wait at the door
Thank you for your interest We hope you will be fine But we have decided Your candidacy is not on the line
Your permanent record states You were truant three times And then the incident Where you colored outside of the lines
Another record Of which we are aware A piece of gum that You placed in Miss Marshall’s hair
We know you are thinking It was so long ago But you were warned about Throwing a rock in a ball of snow
Your auditor noted GOOD BEHAVIOR for thirty years But we strongly believe Past actions will shape future careers
Due to these factors We’re sure you will agree Your best course of action A reeducation facility
This was a song composed when I had new neighbors moving in upstairs. They were loud all day, and then they were loud all night, and their bed was right over my computer.
Nice guys otherwise, though.
I think you ought to know I haven’t slept in days It seems I’m spending my time Wandering in a haze They say that patience is the opposite of sin But it’s wearing thin
When I close my eyes I Only see my fears This is the worst time I Remember in years Everything I know is In the rubbish bin I just cannot win
Everywhere I turn I Hear this thumping sound Even lying down I’m not on steady ground I hope that in a few days I’ll be sleeping in These walls are paper thin
#CD #SongFight #EDM #Electropop #IndiePop #Lyrical ]]>This was the first album I released as “Sockpuppet,” and was made up mostly of music I’d done for Song Fight!, with most of the songs reworked and/or remastered.
What are you doing to me In the name of being free I never liked you But you ought to know
The things I hold dear you break Everything I try to make You only wanted destruction You reap what you sow
Come on, baby Just think, maybe You’re not the person That you think you are but instead
Just take one minute To see the limit Please understand there’s Nothing going on in your head
And then you did it again To try to impress your friends I don’t think they really like you I thought you should know
The things you’re doing to me To achieve immortality You only wanted attention But please let it go
Come on, baby Just think, maybe You’re not the person That you think you are but instead
Just take one minute To see the limit Please understand there’s Nothing going on in your head
What are you doing to me In the name of being free It is a pointless distraction But what do you know
Come on, baby Just think, maybe You’re not the person That you think you are but instead
Just take one minute To see the limit Please understand there’s Nothing going on in your head
Come on, baby Just think, maybe You’re not the person That you think you are but instead
Just take one minute To see the limit Please understand there’s Nothing going on in your head
She doesn’t disturb me Confuses, perturbs me She just wants to know me While living below me
I know what she can see A robber she fancies I don’t know what I mean A daughter in between
She doesn’t control me Doesn’t quite know me I know what I can see In transparency
I’m giving it my all But I’m heading for a fall When all that I can do Is run faster
For something less than I am worth As I tumble down to Earth But all that I can do Is run faster
Please listen to the way I feel I need to get some more time to heal My lungs are getting ready to explode I can’t run any faster
I get the feeling I should leave It’s getting harder to believe You don’t know what it is I’m going through I’m running faster
How can you tell me what to do If I am dead I will not see things through What you want isn’t easy done or said I’d like to see you run faster
I’ve given you my all But I’m ready for a fall When all you let me do Is run faster
I’ve given you my all But I’m ready for a fall When all you let me do Is run faster
I don’t think You know how to be good to me I don’t think You have time to be reminding I don’t think Anything you do is good enough And I think The time for us is wrong
I don’t think That I should listen to you anymore Everything You say to me always makes me snore Everyone Says I should not so quickly doubt you What I think It doesn’t matter now
I don’t think You will be here for me I don’t think You even know how You and me Were never meant to be together I don’t think The time for us is now
I don’t think You should be watching so much TV It’s a thing You do too much and always every Thing I see Is nothing that can be too good for you I don’t think You remember what’s right
I don’t think You know how to be good to me I don’t think You have time to be reminding I don’t think Anything you do is good enough And I think The time for us is wrong
Standing on a stage where I’m rhyming with Lucia I have to admit that this wasn’t my idea Having too much fun while drinking much tequila I’d rather have coffee though
Watching her go with you, falling on the weekends Buy a new skirt made of edible sequins Wading through the pond, sitting down where it deepens Where do you want to go?
I’m feeling fine Taking time, try to rhyme She used to be trouble-free Can you see?
Standing on a lake is not such a good venue When it is cold food that we have on the menu Everyone tired of doing what we can do Please don’t let her down
When you have a friend, you never want to see them Hanging out to dry in a mausoleum You want them to simply carpe diem It is too late now
She came to me She will be set free What I mean, what I seen She had been in between
I’m feeling fine Taking time, try to rhyme She used to be trouble-free Can you see?
I’m feeling fine Taking time, try to rhyme She used to be trouble-free
I have a bad cat He is very fat He sat on my hat And then he shat He dragged the hat All over my mat Then he ate a bat And made friends with a rat
I took this bad cat To the laundromat Where we had a spat About the theocrat He’s a diplomat For this crazy dingbat Sent us off to combat Like a copycat
He’s a bureaucrat And a total asshat Shut down the laundromat Because he overheard chit-chat An aristocrat And a cosmocrat He’s a pornocrat Such a total prat
So I took this bad cat Back to my flat Gave up on the hat Dumped it with the mat We had a little chat He’d have nothing of that But I gave him a pat ‘Cuz he’s my pussycat
Wrapped up in a padded room Feels like I am in a tomb It reminds me of my mother’s womb And it leaves me time for thinking
Been this way since sometime in June Someone caught me howling at the moon Hoping that I can get out soon But this ship just might be sinking
Oh, I could use a little convalescence Oh, I need some convalescence
Shotgun shot in the dead of night Can’t sleep cuz the dark is way too bright See myself heading right for the light I guess I have been drinking
No idea how long I’ve been here Something ‘bout this place a little queer My mind is missing one more gear Little lightbulb blinking
Oh, I could use a little convalescence Oh, I need some convalescence
Oh, i could use a little convalescence Oh, how I need some convalescence
Wrapped up in a padded room Feels like I am in a tomb It reminds me of my mother’s womb And it leaves me time for thinking
There’s something in my eye But I feel like I could fly A bright light came to me in a dream Skies of pink, clouds tangerine
Everything I do or see or think Depends upon the stuff I drink
I think that it is killing me Everytime I take a sip of tea The stuff of dreams it fills in the seams Bright shiny lights inside my dreams
I cannot think without a drink or three But I feel it surrounding me
I could quit but that will not do Another dose for me and you
I grew up in the desert Dry air always made my eyes hurt Ran around with nowhere to go When I really wanted there to be snow Almost never got it in the desert
My mind made up I tried to move away But everywhere I got I couldn’t stay
I grew up in the desert All the people I knew they made my mind hurt
I went somewhere else got on a plane I wanted to get my five minutes of fame Everything I did I needed gin or ginseng I ran faster to get more of the same
I will always be from the desert No matter what, you’re covered in dirt
Where I’m living now there’s plenty of rain And everything I know is ijust more of the same Someday I might go back to where from I came
I grew up in the desert
There’s a house in my head A flea in my bed Everything I know is coming up red And the flea in my bed Is asking me why When I walk on water How I stay dry
I think It’s something to do with how I think My life isn’t mine somehow I try To be the best I can be I need To try to love me
There’s a house in my head A flea in my bed Everyone I know will someday be dead And the flea in my bed Is telling me why I feel these things like I wanna die
Everything I do I do it for you, but Nothing I do Seems to come through, so I think I need time alone, because I think My pain is my own
There’s a house in my head A flea in my bed Everything I know is coming up red And the flea in my bed Is asking me why When I walk on water How I stay dry
You’re lying awake in bed Something happens in your head You’re not sure if you’re alone Somewhere, somebody moans Voices that you hear take your breath away
You’re not sure what you see It keeps you in captivity An alien, a parasite Torturing you through the night You wake up and everything seems okay
The reticular activating system Controls if the nerve impulse reaches your hands Like an engine with a misfiring piston Things go out of whack You have a panic attack And the night terror seems so real you cannot stand
Serotonin overload Somewhere in your frontal lobe Dopamine suppression is to Always keep you guessing Hippocampus shouldn’t be on call
The brain is running like clockwork In a mechanical Turk Systems poorly factored and they’re Cheaply manufactured It’s a wonder anything works at all
And the reticular activating system Controls if the nerve impulse reaches your hands Like an engine with a misfiring piston Things go out of whack You have a panic attack And the night terror seems so real you cannot stand
And the reticular activating system Controls if the nerve impulse reaches your hands Like an engine with a misfiring piston Things go out of whack You have a panic attack And the night terror seems so real you cannot stand
#CD #SongFight #Country #Electrocountry #Electropop #IndieRock #Rock #Lyrical ]]>